How to Socially Navigate A Wedding
Wedding are fun. An (expected) once-in-a-lifetime celebration of love, bringing together family and friends. Tons of preparation, money and effort goes into the details, and it is important to know how to make the most of your wedding invitations, as well as add the most value.
I did some searching online for “how to have fun at a wedding” and “how to plan to be a groomsmen” and most of these deal with obvious details. In this post, I am going to explain advanced social dynamics at play, so you can make the most of your time at this eventful celebration.
Weddings are big businesses, and can cost a lot of money. Be aware of the financial arrangements at a party, because they can come in handy later on. For example, if you know the father of the groom is paying for a particular dinner, express your gratitude specifically to him. In some cases, one family’s financial power is much greater than the other, and that family generally holds more power of the festivities. They will be the ones who hire the wedding planners, decide the venue, and involve all the guests. Above all else, express gratitude for their invitation of you.
Beyond the financial arrangements, the power dynamics extends directly from the people who are spotlighted: the bride and groom. The social hierarchy will fall into play after the first 1-2 days based on who’s closest to them, and everyone else notices. For example, if you are the best man to the groom, people will pay more attention to you and give you more leeway. You will also get more attention from girls at the wedding.
Because I was good friends with the groom, and his bride and I have hung out before, I was particularly close to both of them and was able to enjoy being really close to all the events, from the rehearsal dinner to the wedding ceremony itself. If you are on the outskirts of the social circle, you can still add value by the following: Read more
For the first time in my life I have been at a project for more than 6 months straight, and I’m so focused on this and I’ve generated more money than I’ve made in the last 10 years in 6 months. Anyway, I also realized that I was seeking validation from getting girls. For example, I would think “Man, I’m a cool guy in my prime. Shouldn’t I be getting laid?”> And I’ve been thinking like this for a long time. A few months ago, I tried something new. I decided that just because I’m not having regular sex now, it doesn’t make me any less of a human being. I no longer held sex up as part of my ego’s validation as if that was what it was to “be a man”.
Anyway, I’ll stop and talk to a girl on my way to something (usually, the bank ;)) but I no longer spend a lot of time doing pick up. When I’m not in the office, I’m at the gym or at home resting.
I’ve noticed that when I goto the grocery store, etc. Girls stare at me and I get a lot of nonverbal IOIs. This is with me in gym clothes, or wearing a hoodie so people don’t bother me.
I think part of the “draw ” or “glow” of a man on a mission can be sensed by women (or maybe people in general?) Something about your eyes. As I’ve started hiring employees, I noticed that if I stare at them in the eyes for about 5 seconds, I can usually instinctively tell if they are a go-getter, or a guy who’s not on the level that I perform at. (I heard steve jobs used to do the same)
Would be interested in hearing others’ experiences that may relates to this.
How To Get Over A Girl You Like
For many guys, it starts with a beautiful smile on a lovely body. A subtle head tilt and enlarged irises. She’s hot. Hotter than most of the girls you’ve dated so far… and she seems to like you. Her facial structure elicits a pleasing neurological response from your brain, and her body elicits a different type of response from your other brain.
Perhaps you’re on a date, or you’re hanging out with friends. She shows you signs of interest and she’s actually intelligent. Well, intelligent enough not to be totally stupid and annoying. Maybe you leave her with a kiss goodbye, maybe you walk her to her car in the morning. Either way, it was a great experience. You find yourself thinking about her for the next few days, despite having other dates, or having important work to do. This is where a girl you actually “really like” can go into rotation, and start a “dating process”, or maybe you’re the kind of guy that just prefers to see this one and see where it goes.
Unfortunately, somewhere along this dating process, she suddenly goes cold. Texts get returned slower, phone calls aren’t picked up. She doesn’t suggest another date to hangout, and instead offers up excuses and says she’s busy with other “important things” that aren’t related to her dating life.
This is where most guys panic. Oh no! I’ve lost her! I need to get her back? But you can’t lose something you never possessed. In fact, I would argue that you never truly “possess” another person. They’re not your property. We are human beings, with our own volition and therefore, freedom to spend time as we see fit, no matter how destructive or constructive the activity.
Due to my extensive experience “interviewing” for corporate type jobs, allow me to use my knowledge is job interviews to showcase how this situation can be handled.
How Dating Is Related To Job Interviews Read more
The Next Level
Over the past few days I’ve felt a sense of unease. My subconscious is aware of it too – I’ve been having weird dreams that left me waking up in a bad mood. As I tried to identify the issue I thought about many things, and after 2-3 days I’ve come to some answers.
Walk away from your crutches, even if its your best friend
First, I am lucky enough to have a great best friend in San Diego. However, it is important to know when you must walk your own path. Often times, we lean on the shoulders of others, and in the process, forget to learn that which we should learn to do ourselves. For example, I am constantly hanging out with him, and we play video games. This is great fun, but lately after our LA trip I’ve felt a sense of waste after playing games. So I uninstalled my Heroes of the Storm bnet account and now I have a lot more free time on my hands. So the lesson is, learn when you need to develop your own strength, and have the courage to walk away from your best friend. He/she will understand, that you need time to yourself to develop inner strength.
I’ve also learned that my daytime pick up skills are better, and that I tend to do better on my own. Sometimes, you need to go out there and see the world for yourself, instead of resenting others for “holding you back”, when in fact, you’re the one that’s doing it!
Seeing the silver lining in everything
As a kid, I used to think that if I’m learning the piano in the afternoon, all the other kids are out there playing in the golden sunset! No! I felt a sense of loss! Yet, nowadays, I am grateful on some nights when I can just be in the office and work to my heart’s content. No family, no friends bugging me, nothing. Just me and my work. Sometimes I may feel like this is lonely and perhaps it is, but that’s the way it is for now, and I’ve learned to view it as a blessing, I get to hangout with my friends when I want to, and have my own time without being stressed by work or personal obligations.
Being cool without “trying”
I’ve leverage the ability to be present thanks to Ekhart Tolle and I’ve noticed that when I am relaxed and unstressed, I have an open vibe. People talk to me. “What’s that you’re buying?” “Hey this elevator is slow huh?” I think that on weekdays, because so many people are stressed, an unstressed, open energy translates well in contrast to all the pent up energy that we see everyday. I’m lucky enough to have financial freedom at this point in my life, and I will continue to channel a chill, open vibe, even if I am working hard at work.
Presence, and internal love
Being “chill” also means non-judgement. When we judge others, in some ways we are also dealing with our own demons. Live and let live. This is perhaps one of the universal truths of all religions (which has been killed off by religious dogma). Your own presence of light is enough – that alone can sustain you and add love to the world. Sometimes our ego gets in the way, and blinds us from the spark and magnificent of what’s already there to begin with.
Strive for the best, judgement free of others
I used to judge others or “hate on them” when they’re useless to my goals. I realized now this is the wrong way to look at the world. Everyone is on their own journey. In many ways, my negativity towards them was really at myself – at my inability to make things work. I should have sought out help earlier, or acknowledged that I needed to meet new people, instead of resenting my friends. You can’t always change someone, however you can always love them.
It’s ok to be an asshole, sometimes our mistakes teach us how to arrive at the right solution
In order for me to “find peace”. or reach a point of acceptance, I had to go through pain. The pain helps you get to a point (hopefully) of throwing away the baggage of the ego.
Intimate relationships, savor all the life has to offer. Drink from the fountain
While I used to go for the hottest girls, I now want the deepest relationships in all areas of my life. Am I still drawn to beautiful women? Absolutely. But my fascination now is more than just a physical one. I find myself losing attraction for superficial beauty, and more in tune with inner beauty.
I am still drawn sexually to superficial beauty, but in terms of my relationships and an-ongoing type of situation, I see myself valuing a beautiful girl who has great inner qualities as well.
Banquet of Kings from Fate / Zero
In the anime Fate / Zero night, heroes of the past are summoned to fight for the Holy Grail. In this series, Saber (female King Arthur), Alexander the Great, and Gilgamesh enjoy a brief truce at a drinking session. Their views on life are fascinating and this is one of my favorite scenes from the whole Fate / series.
Despite their differences, each King lived their life to their fullest, in their own way, with their own philosophy:
According to “The Gentleman’s Guide” on the film’s official website, “The Rules” of a Kingsman Gentleman are as follows:
(1) A gentleman never tells about conquests, private matters, or dealings. His business is nobody else’s.
(2) A gentleman doesn’t clash in public with enemies or exes, or worse, with out-of-fashion contrasts, colors or styles.
(3) A gentleman is always happy to serve, whether it’s opening the door, picking up the bill, or merely calling a cab the next morning. Ask him for help and he cannot refuse.
(4) A gentleman never reacts to rudeness. He pretends he doesn’t recognize it and moves on like it never happened, because it never should have.
(5) A gentleman is always on target with witty remarks, interesting facts, and conversation starters that bring the best out of everyone.
(6) A gentleman asks non-invasive questions to keep a conversation going and attention focused on others. He makes them feel like the most interesting person he’s ever met, whether that’s true or not.