Day 3

Today was extremely, extremely hard for me. For one, I started browsing porn online. The urges were itching and I did not go to the gym (more energy). I am going to sleep early.

Day 2

Day 2 – 5 is probably the hardest period. I had to remove all porn material from my hard drive, but sites like this still make it hard. Curses to streaming online videos…

Introduction (Day 1)

The 40 days 40 nights Project

This idea came to me on New Years Eve in 2007. While I have achieved many of the goals I have set for myself, there were a lot of things that I did not accomplish in my 2007 resolution. So, in remembering the movie 40 days and 40 nights, I decided that I would publicly post about this project so that public humility in failure as well as a statement of my goals will help me actually achieve it. Thus starts day 1 of my experiment.

Regarding not masturbating or having sex, there are a few key reasons why people have done it in the past. In my experiment, however, I am altering one option – that is, sex with a HB7+ is allowed. Thus, unless I successfully attract a HB of quality and have sex with her, I will not engage in masturbation or sexual activity. I believe that this will force me to either game very strong targets / women of qualify, or it will divert my energy to other goals in life, including my career, physical strength development and other things. This will force me to make a choice and hopefully lead to come must needed, effective action.

Goal: 40 days of no masturbation and no sex, unless it is with a HB7+. If sex with HB7+ is achieved, it does not eliminate the 40 day quota and I must continue to sarge HB7+’s. LT girlfriends are not allowed.

Reasons for other participants of this experiment but not mine:

• Religious beliefs (religious celibacy) – Not an issue for me.
• To avoid the risk and/or prevent the spread of venereal disease – reasonable issue, but with condoms everything should be alright.
• To avoid contributing to overpopulation – Not an issue for me.
• To cultivate a relationship according to an ideal of chastity – I believe that all relationships with women are sexual, even if subliminally.

Reasons I am doing this:

• To focus energies on other matters, like one’s career or development of a new skill (Dance, Acting, Game)
• An inability to obtain a willing sexual partner (involuntary celibacy) – this is a test for me, if the urge is strong enough, it will push me to go out and sarge.
• As an attempt to regain a sense of self and independence from others – whether I succumb to the urge of my desires or become free of them, we shall see what happens to my sense of self and how dependent I am on sex.

Influential Forces:

1. I am doing this in conjunction with Style’s 30 day challenge. Most of this stuff is pretty novice level for me, but perhaps I can gain some insight from them.
2. At some time, the urge to have sex will be too strong – this is when I predict that my urges will force me to go out more and sarge.
3. Another possibility is that the sex energy will be channeled into another area of my life, which can include developing my career, developing my ideas for new businesses and websites, as well as finally mastering salsa, taking up acting class or a genuine skill of that nature.

Here goes: wish me luck!

The Story of Fat Ben Affleck

One of my old diary entries, I thought it was insightful in describing the beginnings of my journey into Game:

July 2004 – I embarked on a journey from Ottawa, Canada to Stamford, CT to start my new life. I was going to be a Project Manager! Awesome! Excitement turned to stress, as I coped with the pressure to perform in management consulting and with senior partners as our firm. Many nights, R ((my then roommate and fellow Wharton graduate) and I would talk about how hard it could be, and where we would be in the future. My love life suffered. Although Stamford, thinking back had lot of out of college girls, I had no game! I remember hitting the bars and seeing lots of beautiful women, just waiting for us to talk to them. I regretted many of these incidents, though; I had no skills back then.

One day, one of R’s friends from NYC visited us. He was a good looking guy. As a matter of fact, he was a slightly “meaty” version of Ben Affleck. I was, being a hater, called him, “Fat Ben Affleck”. That was mean, because in all honesty, he was a good looking guy. On Friday, Ben (I forgot his real name) picked up probably one of the cutest girls I have ever seen at that time. She was very pretty, albeit a bit shy. I, like I was back then, in denial, “Oh, it must have been luck, she’s just hanging out with him for fun”. I remember Ben walking around the bar hitting on girls, while we were working the female co-workers.

And though I thought he was being stupid, a part of me wondered if I should be doing the same. This is when I started downloading and reading David DeAngelo’s Cocky and Funny. A lot of the inner game theory worked well, but most of it was too mainstream to get me a girlfriend.

The next night on Saturday, I decided to go to bed early. R, Ben, his girl and few other guys went out. Ben and his girl came back early, and I heard them kissing and eventually full-closing on the air mattress. Her moans were loud! And I could not sleep that night. This was a “spoon” moment in the Matrix. I didn’t think it was possible! How could such as seemingly nice girl give it up so quickly! At my apartment living room, at that! Wow! I couldn’t believe it, but that events sparked in me a desire to learn more, because realized how little I knew. My reality was just shattered, and I had a choice to make. I could continue to live in denial, or I could start building the foundation to do something about it. It was then where I started seeking out Serum, and planning my move to California.

Some morals to the story:
1. R was loyal, intelligent roommate. Without sex and female attention, I did few things I was not proud of, mainly, I was hater to him. It was my loss, because he was a good friend. Don’t be a hater like me.

2. Ben was one of the guys who did not care what we thought about him. For the first time in a very long time, I realized that I was once a hater. I was once the guy who was the “hater” – they guy that I now find annoying when he’s trying to hate on my game. This is a humbling experience. Also, I am so glad that happened to me, because it prompted me to make choice to confront my romantic reality.

3.I realized these days that a lot of guys live in DENIAL – that is, when I pick up girls or k-close on a cold approach, I see the old me in the guys I hang with who are not “PUAs”. They will make comments like, “Oh, she was just drunk!”.

4.If you are lucky, or you go out enough with guys that are good, you will come to a cross road: you see that ivy-educated, good girl who will fall for the lady’s man and fuck him like a dirty whore (when I say this, I don’t mean to insult women, rather, the ability of the seducer to bring out lustful, dirty side of women in general). And you have a choice to make. You can choose to make up denials and excuses for why the girl, the guy or situation turned out the way it did, or you can start your journey to figuring the truth about the true nature of men, women and human dynamics.

Don’t be in denial. “Free your mind, Neo”.