80-20 rule on Routines and Frame

I recently completed a Presentation Training seminar sponsored by our company. The trainer’s name was Cara, and she was an excellent presenter. At first glance, she looked like a regular “soccer mom”, but the way she carried herself was very professional. She moved her hands when she talked, but also maintained her balanced stance and eye contact with the group of 5-6 trainees. She was articulate and to the point.

On day 2 of our training, a sweet woman co-worker got on stage. Her normal conversation style was very friendly and non-alpha, and Cara asked her to change it up to become more professional and authoritative. After our speech, I mentioned, “Cara, she looks great now and more authoritative, but I miss some of her natural character”. The woman immediately smiled and said thank you. Cara’s answer I remember now was a “ah-ha” parallel to my PUA training. Here is her response:

“That’s a very good point. In the beginning, learning a new skills can be difficult because it pushes you out of your comfort zone. And this is exactly what it is, a skill. The way you present yourself will have an impact not only on your friends and family, but also your co-workers, other people of authority as well as influence your own career path. The idea is to develop these skills so that you are making a conscious decision to use them.

The 80-20% rule applies here. 80% of the time, you recognize the conversation frame and respond or lead accordingly. There is a balance between authoritative and approachable. Ideally, you want to appear very alpha but also seem like you are open to other people’s ideas. As you gain these skills, you can throw in the additional 20% that reflects your natural character. This shows that you have mastery over your own projection to the world, and if you choose to show your character, you can. The idea is that you have the power to make the conscious choice.”

This idea struck me pretty powerfully as I thought about pickup. In MM, you follow the A1 to S3 flow. There are times where I was myself all night and had no luck with any girls. These days, I follow the Method and it leads me to consistent n-close and k-closes. There are bits and pieced where I throw in my own natural character, such as during the comfort phase – where I grew up, grounding stories, as well as life details that are all true and close to heart.

If a PUA can have mastery with 80% of his own version of proven techniques, he can prove to the girl, himself and the people around him that he understand the rules of the game. Then, if he choses to, he can consciously control and reflect 20% of his natural personality as he gets to know the girl.

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