Alexander Hot Seat San Francisco 2012: Notes from AlphaWolf
Here are my notes from Saturday, organized by the concepts presented. For a general review of the Alexander RSD hotseat, please visit PUA Lingo’s review post here.
Stay in set
Without staying in set you never know what your’e missing. Want to get good? Stay in. Alex shows us a video where it seems like the girl is testing him to no end and doesn’t give him ANYTHING verbally. Yet she physically is complying, and eventually the pull happens. You just never know.
Dissipate negative energy
This is a running theme – see each test as an endurance test and brush it off. Deflect negative energy. Alex seems to do this too much as I would have told the girl off, but he seems to see some goodness in people that the average person does not. That, or he’s so into the game that he wants to prove on footage that he can pick up 9s and 10s who happen to be super bitches.
This is important for same night pulls, and techniques to do this abound in his second video.
Just be with her at closing time – guard the door
“As creepy as this sounds, guarding the door is key – who she wants out of the club with is important and will play into who she goes home with. Even if you just walk her to a late meal or a cab, the number is more likely to be solid”
Approach girls while with other girls
Don’t be afraid to mix up sets and approach a girl with a girl you just met. If you are cool and chill about it, they will feel it is normal too, and may compete for you.
Taking each set as far as you can
- This is a learning lesson – without going as far as you can on social interactions, you lose out on the learning
- Having LONGER interactions will help you learn
Appreciate the girl – chill and relax
We tend to think that sex is all there is to it. Alex says, “to a girl, sex is not the pinnacle of arousal”. So, appreciate her arousal and emotional state, and enjoy it for yourself too. Don’t rush the process.
She is the blank canvas in which I can express myself
- Girls validate my amusement (self amusement)
- Expand you range, vocabulary, and color of emotions. Move your primary 12 colors of crayola to a whole 100 color palette of an artist
Photos of 9s and 10s shown – they are hot.
On being high value
When you are high value, most people can become boring or annoying. there simply isn’t anyone as interesting as you can be to yourself. However, you still need them to reflect your own personal energy. Treat the world like a good friend, whom you accept despite their flaws.
I am enough
There are 3 elements to our lives: what’s in our Head, our behavior, and our emotions. If you can logically control your thoughts, and then behave as such, eventually the emotions will follow suit. Monopolize your emotions – don’t let other people control your emotions and your actions.
When the girl is quiet, attentive and compliant, she’s attracted to you
- Arousal = a function of time
- If you can achieve a level of chillness, most girls will just be compliant and not test you too much. This is the ultimate goal of the natural instinct method.
Endure the test, don’t beat it.
This is a bid concept Alex explains – instead of shit test, we should call it “endurance test”. Over time of the courtship, she is expected to test you. This arouses her, and is part of our courtship process. Respect it and go with it, don’t resist it.
Girls are not attracted to you per se as a person, she’s attracted to elements of the relationship
This is an interesting one. If you read 50 shades of grey or female fantasies, they usually involve elements of a plot, or a scenario, or situations that unfold – as if on an adventure. Men needs to get from point A to point B. We judge girls based on her looks, a, b, c, etc. She may like your looks and height and all those “factors”, but to her its the ongoing emotional arousal of the relationship with you – the thoughts, the colors and the stimulation of the memory of you, that creates the same level of attraction for her. Therefore, be memorable.
You can be Sex worthy and great. But + spend time together + arouse = being emotionally stimulated = sex
Think of it as trying to hack a computer. Once the firewall is bypassed, the data download can begin
Patience = the fastest way
Never try to “impress” the girl
Don’t expect her to help you in the first 2 minutes of a conversation. You are the man you lead
Let her experience a range of emotions early on (including negative emotion)
BS’ing talk / Banter Talk
I never really understood this! Probably because I program and run websites and think logically most of the time. Well, this is banter AKA meaningless talk that actually builds rapport / attraction. Not to be taken seriously – most guys have no idea how to do this, girls do. You talk with lots of emotional and vocabulary excellent about nothing at all. Much ado about nothing. Yet, it stimulates emotions. Alex is so good at this. This is hard to explain. Perhaps watch a clip of Sex And The City. The 4 girls can talk about crayons or a pair of shoes all day.
Don’t take their response as serious as your intention
This is the stuff of real men – you are the guide to yourself and you acknowledge her response but don’t ever let it override your intentions if your intentions are clear.
Sex is not the pinnacle of arousal for women
Big one. The relationship is. For us, it is about the sex. So, there is a disparity of goals and power naturally between men and women we need to work out.
- If yes, vast majority will not have sex with you
- If married or older, more likely
- If boyfriend there, will reject hard
- If boyfriend not there, will be nice but waste time
- Screen early in a set for boyfriend or it ends up wasting time
- Befriend girls with BFs to get to other girls
Express negative emotion at something else, not her or your friends. But show her you are able to show negative emotion.
- I hate twilight! But I love Justin Bieber
Self amusement inspires people to become drawn to you.
Touch the one you want in a group, be nice to the others
- Be nice to the group, physical touch your target
- Physical compliance, physical proximity can be read on her interest level. More body language stuff later.
Misinterpretation: Oh, I thought you wanted to kiss/hug/hold hands
- When she pulls back or rejects, say, “oh I thought you wanted to”.
The arousal chart
- This is a big concept that we come back to over and over again.
- At 10pm, most girls are starting the night out and are less stimulated. They are looking for stimulation
- Most “chodes” hit it hard and then have state crashes, because their energy doesn’t match that of the average girl who is out. They end up going home early or getting tired
- If you chill from 10-12, you can get a good vibe going with your friends, then maximize your “high” matching the girl’s high. If things go well, you can accompany her around 2pm when the club closes and get a more solid number close.
- Most girls arousal state dies down around 2am as they are tired, can’t find their friends, or are drunk / sleepy. You want to pick the ones that are in a good state, and continue that arousal and courtship of seduction.
- Logistics can be key here, but don’t push it. Take it as naturally as far as you can.
- This chart applies to clubs that close mostly at 2am, and others that close at 3-4pm may extend the arousal time a bit more.
Arousal is a function of the unit of time.
If you are a cool guy, or a natural, the more time she spends with you, the more she will be attracted to you. Alex says this over and over again as if it is a law of science.
Stop and count to 10, relax, chill
A very Eckhart Tolle technique, Alex demos counting to 10 in front of the room. In silence, it is actually quite long! It allows you to draw into the moment and be in the present, a key element of life and seduction.
Change her MOOD, not her MIND
This is a big one. Alex showed us how to change threads or make a move to change her state. Don’t logically change a girl’s mind – this never works for sex.
The social viruses
#1: I need to impress girls (offensive virus)
This is an old virus of trying to “game’ the girl. By thinking as such, you are coming from a lower position. Don’t game. Understand and internalize that you are enough.
#2: Defensive to things going wrong – accept them (defensive virus)
This is a over reacting to things going wrong. Things always go wrong. Accept them. Move on. Handle with class. Don’t dread things going wrong – it is a part of life.
When your consciousness is clear, then you have empathy for others.
I’m not sure Alex realizes how much his game reflects Eckhart Tolle’s teachings. This is a big one – empathy and understanding what the girl is feeling, so that you can take her on this journey that is enjoyable for her, and in turn, enjoyable for you. Deep stuff!
Crystal clear empathy – then bandwidth opens up
When people genuinely feel you understand them, the firewall opens up and data can be downloaded – this begins the seduction or courtship process. She now trusts you enough to allow you to influence her in the courtship.
Do you want me to go home with you? Just ask! Get her thinking about it (Apocalypse opener)
It is amazing that just by asking her this question, you can get her thinking about the possibility of going home with you.
Be prepared to take responsibility for the set.
Don’t blame other people or random events. You alone are responsible for your sets
My company pays for my hotel
Alex has this line that he uses where his company card pays for the hotel and rinks. This removes responsibility for her, frame = we both got lucky! Since he’s not technically paying for her
Hold my hand, and kiss my neck (Compliance test)
Sex is normal, and to be expected in a metro area, like SATC.
Important mentality to have as well adjusted young man.
On multiple sex partners per night
Alex: I can get laid almost every night I go out, but I can’t stand here and tell you guys I can do multiple pulls per night. If a girl is that down to get laid it is merely due to her previous disposition, and that depends on luck rather than my game.
Low risk, low error
- Slower, less defensive response
- High risk, high error – requires high calibration, can result in state crashes
- Alex’s whole game is low risk, but moving things alone. Similar to Gambler’s “Stealth Attraction” method. You simply don’t raise conscious red flags
- He’s mentality is that doing this goes a long way and is much more smooth than high risk high reward
- High risk also has high rejection and results in state crashes, discouraging newbies
- He admits sometimes you need to up the ante if you’re only in town for the weekend.
Just BE with them. Spend time. Just be.
- There is no reason I’m not enough – Alex
- The concept of “face time” – sometimes, just being there in a room with a person builds this invisible rapport or “comfort” level. Imagine doing different things butwith family in a room. We have grown so alone in our modern times. Being with a girl just in proximity builds rapport.
People only have as much power as you give them.
- Again, the idea of not taking rejection personally.
- Alex shows us some mean shit – like a girl lightly slapping him. He takes it all in good form.
On Dance floor game
- Arouse her, BS talk, exchange names, talk later. Just introduce yourself and have fun, she’s in a state of high arousal
- Don’t try to game her there. Just introduce yourself and dance for a big
- Alex is a terrible dancer, “doesn’t matter, as long as you are having fun”
- Enjoy the dance. Be memorable, then leave
- Chat her up later off the dancefloor. Just make new friends.
Video 2: Cat Club in SF
- You look like you have a German accent… | A statement instead of a question
- Relaxed voice comes from nationally standing “centered” with your body.
- Alex explains The rosetta stone – voice control (Tim Marc)
Better to be misheard, then trying to impress someone with your voice
Try 3-4 times for each set to bring them back
- Timf showed us that 4 times is the number of times before people really tell you what they think so keep pushing
- Press and have intention without losing value.
- 3 times ask – human nature, people start to relent a bit after the 3rd try.
- Be persistence from a position of value.
- Executive coach gets the same reaction as any guy. Persistence and practice. Alex shows us clips of girls looking at him weird, or getting blank stares or negative looks. This happens to every guy. Understand and accept this!
Shoulder pad start kino
This is a dance move. You pat her on the upper shoulder. You can lead later by gliding your hand down the back of her arm, and then into her hand.
Pushing too hard leads to more shit test and more resistance
Alex talks about the dangers of pushing hard, and then feeling hard resistance. Better to avoid this altogether by low risk low error.
Frame Battle – the first one who buckles loses
This is an important one and Alex shows it in his videos – usually the winner of any frame battle is the one that holds it the longest naturally. So the loser buckles under the pressure and either gives up the frame or ends up having it taken from him.
If it can be done, I can do it – Alex
A good mentality to have when practicing game.
Body language of “innocent boy” vs. “relaxed”
- Your body language is innocent and relaxed, non threatening. You are a boy enjoying his new playground. You’r alpha but relaxed. Hard to explain in words, you’ll have to see his body language in the video.
- Goal = the girl is comfortable in my space. This is important – read her subtle body language signs to see if she is comfortable being around you. If not, identify the problem, it will not go away on its own.
Physical expression spikes are spikes like spinning her, hugging, or otherwise physical escalation. Afterward, remain normal and it goes back to “chilling out”
Awkward silences are ok
- have you ever hung out with a friend and both of you were silent for a while, like in a car, or waiting for the food at a restaurant?
- This is ok -that’s life. Accept it, enjoy it. Don’t say something with the intention of impressing her, or filling the void.
- He demo’d a video of a hot 18 year old blonde and they were both silent and chilling while waiting for drinks. It is just what people do. Relax, chill, stop “gaming” in the traditional sense.
Statement of empathy
- I know you think that I’m…
- I’m a more physical guy, just let me know if I’m too much (precedence set for heavier kino)
- Frame: I know how you feel, however this is how I feel anyway
Body facing tips
- Side by side = rapport
- Face on = more sexual
- Face on men = more aggressive
Banter = not serious conversation but arouses the girl. Let her talk
- I’ve done a lot of talking. Now it is your turn.
Take one high heel off – removes stature
- Do you have any idea how it feels to walk in heels? Alex made us try standing tip toed. It is tough!
- Removing her shoes sometimes removes her “stature” and bitch shield. She is physically more down to earth.
- “Stand on my shoes so you don’t get glass on you feet”
It doesn’t matter what move you make, as long as you make a move. Even if rejected, making a move arouses her.
- Make moves bitches!
Frame: make her feel comfortable, don’t try to impress her.
Naive innocence vs. Powerful innocence (Hugh Hefner)
Ok a big one for me. Naive innocence is like my brother – you are genuinely naive or unaware of the whole situation socially. A power innocence is more like Hefner. He’s super-powerful and experienced, and yet, choose to carry himself like an innocent boy, gazing at the wonderful world. You are that innocent, cool guy who’s chill and relaxed, there’s no reason why girls won’t go home with you.
“Water under the bridge” mentality
Regarding shit tests – sometimes, girls say it because they have nothing better to say, or they got a response from you before that way so they keep repeating it.
Long slow, consistent release of arousal
- A small glimpse into how women get turned on, over time, which is unlike men who are visually stimulated at first sight.
- Brush and lead – touch shoulder, down to hand (like salsa)
- Claw – higher risk, dominant move – under the elbow, above the wrist. Be gentle Dance analogy. Most girls should be very compliant if done in a dominant, gentle way.
- Coat hanger – arm over shoulders, builds rapport
Question: Is she more interesting than I am to myself? Probably not, if you are a high value guy with a full life. However, you need her to bounce off your personality. She is the feminine mirror of reflection for your masculine energy.
Role reversal, comfort line: “obviously, now we are in the friend zone”
Spanner in the works analogy – she will try to challenge you to slow down the seduction. Don’t let her grind you to a halt.
Drawing the girl into seduction, happy to enjoy the moment, the game plays itself out.
Don’t lie about yourself, lie about banter talk
It is ok to lie in banter talk. “Hey it is my birthday too! You buy me a drink!” But don’t lie about your job, profession, etc. Banter is simply make belief and flirting and fantasy. Don’t take it too seriously. At some point, you will have to tell her more about who you are.
Different ways of expressing yourself: vocabulary, tonality, facial expression, the way you express things in words
Don’t take rejection personally. Learn to monopolize your emotions.
Don’t reopen. Regroup with a friend at a bar. “Hey I’m back” frame
This is a big one for me. Don’t feel the need to REOPEN. Hey! Next pick up line! Nope. Just reopen like stand next to her like an old friend. You are already well acquainted. This puts you in a different picture than other guys trying to game her.
Formalities of the game – negs, friends, openers, insults, compliments, head fakes
- These are not personal, just part of the mating process. Take them in stride.
- Walking out the door – walking you to your car / hotel is a formality – a gentleman thing to do. Just part of the game. Make her feel comfortable around you.
- Girls like tests because it is fun for them.
- Man to a woman RSD theme vs. Alex them – smooth, soft, and calibrated cool guy. RSD used to have related as man to woman – some guys took that too far. Too sexual too quick. Instead, relate as a cool guy, because a chill, cool guy by definition is sex worthy. Therefore it is only a matter of natural time that she sleeps with you.
Don’t be predictable – anytime I sense that the interaction is boring because of me, there is a mental tripwire. I throw something in the works like, “Do you wear G-strings?”
The power of “I understand”. Cool. I accept you as you are
- Girl may say, “we’re talking girl talk”
- Alex says, “cool I totally understand!” and once acknowledged, still stay in set.
The King / Obama frame (Eric Schmidt CEO)
This is a big theme of today’s talk and a bit hard to explain. Alex talks about the KING FRAME. Let’s stay you’re the president. You have power. Yet, lobbyist and other people hate you too. So, what do you do? You are still nice to them. You treat them with respect, knowing they are racist / small minder or otherwise ignorant. You try to be understanding, like a parent is.
Alex: The girl may be small minded and ignorant. But she’s still hot. How do you extract value from someone who you seem has a personality flaw, but is still useful to you? You take on the king frame. This is what I do with hot girls who I may not necessary want as girlfriends.
I will always remember how Eric Schmidt handled a rude reporter at Google. He simply smiles and says, “thank you for your question”. It takes a level of power and class to face someone who said something mean to you and smile and say, “have a nice day”
- Humor the protesters – how do you extract value from small minded, difficult people? By understanding them? But she’s still hot!
- Help them. Once you have their loyalty, they are yours to lead (Horse example)
- Lose cause vs. someone who can be saved based on your own determination
- The frame you start with is generally the frame you’re stuck with. There’s no second chance to make a first impression.
Jump on the chance to express negative emotion at a 3rd party (I hate that shit!)
- This simply shows that you are able to express negative emotion and not just one dimensional.
- Don’t be negative towards her or others, just something unrelated, like a TV show or an idea
Seeing through to the core – the real person. Making a judgement call on whether to stay or not in a barrage of shit tests
This is a personal choice, you need to see the person as they are, not as their ego has become. To their core. And you need to decide if it is worth getting to know the core of that girl, or not.
People only have as much power as you give them.
We tend to internalize negative reactions a lot more. Well, this is all in your head and your thought process. We give them power over ourselves. Don’t. Take that power away.
Endurance Test vs. Shit Test (marathon run vs. sprint)
I explained this earlier.
- Spread the fire, put it out quickly
- The bigger the fire, the more emotional it can get. Bigger fires are harder to control
- Example: If I was tiger woods, I would totally have an affair with you (Swedish girl)
- Just kidding! Just playing! (with physical communication) I love you guys
- Doing this more often (as Julien does) also accelerates your emotional strength. However, overdone, it can be immature.
Alex 30-40% eye contact. That’s not what I am thinking about though. It just ends up being data-wise 30-40%. Look away when you want to, just normal conversation with a cool friend.
We’re training and integrating high value
On responding to rudeness. Hey! Hold that thought, turn to face the person you wish to talk to
Sometimes, girls will say mean things like, “you’re such a player” not because she is mean, but simply because she has nothing else to say, and this previously garnered a response from you, so she’s not just repeating her repertoire of “things to say in social situations” since she’s out of lines.
Throwing back social pressure:
- “why do you keep saying that?”
- “What do you see in yourself?”
- “oh. I’m attracted to shiny things”
- How do you afford it?
- Do you have a rich boyfriend?
The Boyfriend Matrix. Generally speaking:
- Bitch = probably boyfriend nearby
- Sarcastic or standoff-ish = single
- Easy going – boyfriend who is not there
- If BF, just compliment and befriend. Open the green light.
Imperfect? Yes. Hot? Yes. You’re beautifully imperfect.
Long term, a girl can only justify sleeping with you if you compliment her personality. This is just part of the game.
Take the liability / responsibility for everything.
Re: Why should we go home together?
- Why? To explore us further, just finding out what happens from here (not sex, no specific action in mind)
Win the frame battle via standoff. The loser buckles first.
I’m actually a nice guy. Frame: I’m all good, there’s nothing to worry about.
A hot girl is going to sleep with someone, and it might as well be you.
Warm up sets – Alex demos. I suck too!
- No rush, go through the first few rounds. You’re warming up!
- Refers to a guy who tries to “save “the girl from the player. Usually Chodes.
No state crashes occur, because I’m not asking for anything in return
- If you stop a girl, immediate stop her group. “Hey guys! Stop here for a second. Come back”
- Talk to the entire group
- What are you doing tonight?
- Do you have a roommate?
- Do you have cool parents or are they more strict?
- Do you have a sense of humor?
- Do you do spontaneous things?
- Leading statement: you would have partied hard, for sure.
On club girls, generally speaking:
- 18-21 girls – fake delusional sense of confidence, will follow your lead
- 21-25 girls – more chill, party girls
- 26-30 – more stable, knows what they want
Not aggressive, just masculine. I”m a friendly guy, let me know if it becomes too much for you
Stopping physical escalation at the bar. “There’s a time and place for this”
- Shows restraint, patience, and abundance mentality. Enjoying the ride of seduction. Enjoy the ceremony of getting to know one another.
- Real numbers come from spending more authentic time with the girl. Don’t be afraid to walk them out and do dinner after the club. These are normal things friends do. If you walk out with the group, your odds are better.
Emotions take time to catch up to behavior and mind. But take action first
I completely trust that I am an authentic, awesome dude. Chill, natural theme
AMOGGING – gay mogging. Proper respect is the sign of a gentleman, not a weakling.
- Alex avoids amogging situations where possible. “Most of the time, if I show respect nothing bad happens”
- You can gaymog a guy out of a set (shows set with male models in Japan)
- If you have to, you need to confront certain guys don’t be afraid. You can usually tell if they are rational or crazy, and if they are crazy, walk away
I’m the same as you guys, but not, you know what is going on. Time is your ally. Thank you.
- Excuse me, do you consider yourself to be cute?
- If I stand next to you, I feel more like a king
- I think I love you
- Awkward silences can be good and are natural in REAL relationships, “Do you think we’re lost in a moment?”
- I knew you would say that (good line to preempt her banter)
- I’m going to be really rough… and angry with you, if you don’t take me with you (play on words)
- Imagine I’m an erotic pole, and you’re my dancer.
- Why don’t you ask me about my emotional fantasies? (role reversal)
- You’re an emotional whore! You’re just using me for my personality. (Role reversal)
- Can we be emotionally close friends. (sex vs. emotions, men vs. women)
- “how do you spell that version of your name again?” (forgot names)
- “What does your name mean?” (forgot name)
- You are using my for my personality, you emotional slut! (role reversal)
- Variation: I feel like I”m being taken advantage of my personality. (role reversal)
- Hey! let me tell you a secret. Can you look into my eyes for a second? (being in the moment, eye contact)
- What is your favorite animated movie? (childhood memories)
- I’m probably the best guy to hit on you because I’m not a complete asshole (qualification)
- We can try to be friends, but not actually have sex. (disqualification)
- Hey! Do you want to be friends?
- You are a dirty little bird (flame effect)
- Deflection: “I have no idea what you are talking about” (ignoring negs)
- Are you going to respond, or just stand there? (on non-responsive girls)
- Do you love your boyfriend? Do you love your affair?
- Do you have any inhibitions? (qualify for sex)
- “Well, I guess you win” – next set
- What’s your dancer name? / Is that your dancer name?
- I’m no salvation army, but I’ll buy you a drink (qualify being a good guy without being a chode)
- I’m sorry, I read the wrong signs, I thought you wanted to. (if she stops you on escalation)
Best cities for pick up:
- Denver, Washington, Salt Lake City
- This is still cold approach pick up – take responsibility for the interaction
- We’re going to have a serious conversion. What’s your dream job?
- Surely you have more personality.
- I’m given you a chance to lead the conversation, but obviously you failed.
- “Is that your pick up line” Re: I pick up girls by doing this (pick her up)
- “I’m hard to please” Re: I have a good tongue.
- “I have a boyfriend” Re: “Oh that’s too bad. I would have totally bought you a pony, go down on your every night, and be nice to all your friends!”
- Do you like beer or do you like me?
- Are you sisters like nuns?
- Do you go to church together?
- Have you ever shared the same bed with her?
- Do you wear a G-string?
- Have you ever ridden a pony?
Banter Lines (A lot like Russell Brand)
- That sounds like a porn film title.
- I’ll try to be nice but I can’t promise anything
- It will be a sexual experience beyond your imagination
- Tell me something enchanting. I need to be enchanted.
- “Is that your boyfriend? That’s so cute!”
On Finnish girls:
Not only are they nice and easy, after you have sex they take videos with you:
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