Tribal Leadership

This can apply to building social circles as well.

For Love or Money. Part 3

A few weeks ago I encountered some setbacks in my life as I had certain events that made me think about my career and my love life. I won’t go into too much detail on these, as I would like to keep my private life privae but I will outline the general issues. I have been talking to a lot of different PUAs and these issues can be re-occurring themes.

Setback 1: Being told you are not as good looking as you think you are, people pointing out physical flaws about you, which are true, but in your mind you have always ignored it or blocked it out.

Setback 2: Antagonism from other guys in a bar, living in a location with high single male to female ratio

Setback 3: Feedback from work that I am sometimes too sexual with female co-workers – which sometimes actually leads to a very flirty relationship at work (and outside). This is not necessarily a bad thing, but the feedback I got from my mentor was that I need to be aware of this more and how other people may perceive me. This was an important point, as I was previously unaware that corporate robot types may be jealous or wary of those who bend the rules, especially at work. My career is my livelihood, and I should be aware of these things and only make a decision to consciously game a girl if she’s open to it and if it is safe for both of us.

Encountering these issues, I wrote a post saying “fuck the game”. In reality I was just really angry at the time. Since then, I have slowly pieced together parts of the puzzle. I will try to explain my mind set. In essence, I thought about putting PU and gaming on hold to focus on my career.

And this thing keeps fucking happening in my head:

Logic 1: If I focus on my career and start a side business I can make lots of money. Money will make me happy by getting me what I want and girls will like me more.
Logic 2: If I focus on game and it doesn’t work out, then I would have lost time developing my business. “You can lose a lot of money chasing girls, but you’ll never lose the girls chasing money”.

Fuck. So this thought pattern keeps happening to me, and when I face failure in game, I turn to this dilemma. Now, I can’t tell you what to do when this happens. But I had to dig keep to reassess my own values, and make a decision based on who I was and what I am about. My search progressed somewhat like this:

1. I was a virgin until 23, and by then I had read The Game. Girls never came easy to me. Thus, if I put this on hold, I may keep what I have developed in Game, but this skill to bed women will never come naturally to me if I do not make a dedicated effort to change.
2. Why did I study business? There were 2 main reasons.
A. I never wanted to be controlled by other people such as in the government.
B. I believed that money can make me happy.
3. How would money make me happy? This was an important question, because money is a means to an end. The first was security and power. To have enough of that to feel safe, and have the power to help my friends and family. This is a very important factor in life. The second reason money was helpful in my happiness was that it will help me attract women. This second reasoning needed further thought. As I thought about it more, there are plenty of guys who are poor that get laid. Also, the things that money can buy will help with attraction, but they absolutely do not replace attraction. In other words, you can be as rich as Bill Gates, but you still needed Hugh Hefner’s game to bed quality women consistently.

4. I am 24. How many years do I have left to game young girls? This is the peak, a man’s prime is at his 27/28th birthday. If I wasn’t going to get laid and enjoy women now, when will it happen? This is a HUGE opportunity cost.

After these considerations, I humbly put my ego aside, and sought out help from other PUAs out there. I figured, I am making enough money and my job career progression is pretty advanced at 24 that I can focus on gaming. I want to develop the skills to consistently get lays, yes, consistent lays – even here in the South Bay. Only then will I be able to focus on business and long term financial foundations. Because without this, I am nothing. When I work on my business plans, all my mind wanders to is a beautiful woman. I feel empty inside. And you can throw all the money in the world at me, but I’d trade it in a second for a life at the playboy mansion.

A few thank yous for the recent help I received from PUAs:

• Adash (AKA Swedish Nanny King): for providing insight into workout mentality, gaming mentality and natural game with European girls.
• Shogun: for showing and winging me during my first ONS pull
• BubbaJohn: for providing insight into direct game, and how MM can be good later on, but in getting experience first, direct game works.
• EC: for offering advice and guidance on the forums

Solutions:

Why Business?

“While we were in school, we took it for granted that everyone we knew was in one way or another ingrained in business. Entrepreneurship was our life and we lived it. When we graduated, it became clear that not everyone understands or even appreciates business or capitalism. If you think about it, we are already way ahead of the pack. Let’s start something together!“

- these were my words to my good college buddies – a year after graduating from a top business school and adjusting to life in the real world. Today, 3 years later, one of them initiated another call after they found out I have been at Google for over a year.

Back in 2004, I was still a virgin and despite the opportunities provided to me by my female friends in college I was still a total AFC with women. Since then, I have made some decisions that has changed my life for the better. I quit my job in consulting and moved out here to California. As one IT founder put it when asked, “why do a startup on the west coast as compared to the east coast?”, he answered, “there are dreamers here in the Bay area. People don’t think you are so crazy. The VCs (Venture Capitalists) understand if an idea seems far-fetched but possible in the near future.” I did it for business reasons, but also partially for social reasons. In order to reinvent myself, I had to get away from the world I once knew.

Since this post is not about pickup, I wanted to talk about what I am about from a business perspective. While I am still an aspiring PUA, I feel like I actually have more depth and value to offer from what it means to live with “business” ingrained in your life and personality. So here goes:

Growing up, I was a very cute kid and people treated me, for the most part, very well. Dad’s job as a diplomat meant that we met a lot of important people and that every time we moved, the government took care of us. I was proud of him. There were a few instances where dad would get angry, and it was all work related. This had a big impact on me growing up. He had prestige, but the income wasn’t necessarily high. The government will take care of us, but there wasn’t enough money to safety retire until he was very old. I remember a few times where he got very angry at his work experience, especially his bosses. That’s one problem with the government. If you work for them, it is hard to switch jobs. Thus, dad has been a diplomat for our country his whole life. I respect him for his decision, but as a very young kid in high school I knew from watching him that I did not want to work for the government.

Naive as I was, salvation came from Mr. Thomas’s economics class in highschool. I found out that one of the key ideas of “capitalism” is that in order to make money, you must create a good or service that satisfied a person’s needs. Supply and Demand. Wow. A system that rewards someone for giving someone else what they want. How cool is that!?

This prompted me to apply to 3 business schools. I got into all 3. I picked Boston as my next adventure. God knows what would have happened to me if I went to Pepperdine in Malibu. In college I studied marketing, management information systems and entrepreneurship. Our school is well known for entrepreneurship, and our business professors were all one time entrepreneurs. This meant real world experience and stories from the people who made history themselves. I still remember my professors to this day – Jeannet, Lange, Kopp, Bliss, – entrepreneurs themselves who really had a huge influence on me.

Now during this time, despite being a business school, opportunities came my way to get laid. And I couldn’t recognize the signs. So as time went by, I sort of decided that I would focus on business, make a shitload of money and then get the girls. Little did I know how wrong I was. But there was an advantage to this: I was motivated to study business. I became really good at interviewing and “business talk”. I could think about a business from a strategic, marketing, IT, accounting and even international perspective. I still remember always being late for “international marketing” class.

One day, Professor Lange pulled me aside after class. The first thing out of my mouth was, “Professor, I am sorry I am always 5 minutes late, but I really enjoy this class!”.

“No, no”, he said, “I don’t have a problem with that”
I was confused… “Oh, ok, so… I am not in trouble?”
“R, I wanted to tell you something. Your comments in class about our business case studies: you have… a talent. Use it well. In the future, the battles will be fought in the boardroom, and one day you are going to be in that situation. The battles you fight will determine the fate of companies as well as the world you live in. Don’t forget that”.
I never did.

When I graduated I snagged a pretty cool opportunity with a well known management consulting firm, becoming a project manager at 20. I remember going to the first office party and not being old enough to drink. That was quite a story. I did not fully understand how much work there was in the consulting industry: I traveled for work a lot, and I got a lot of advice from the partners but also a lot of shit. Thinking back, I learned so much about so many businesses in consulting. However, the impact of my social life, health was quite severe and I made a very hard decision to quit my job and move to California.

It was a scary move. I was on a work visa, and my time was limited. My connections on the west coast were limited as best. But I rationalized to myself at that time that, the reason I spent 4 year studying business was that I believed that in business, if you were good, it did not matter who you worked for, your skills can be exchanged and bought on the open market system. As naive as that may be, perhaps through a self-fulfilling prophecy, that was and is what I truly believed. So when I moved out here, I landed an offer pretty quickly. I did not know too much about the whole Bay area start-up world, but I knew I wanted to learn more about it.

Being in a startup is a fun and scary experience. Emotions run deep. With less than 10 employees, you become family and even though “it is not personal, it is just business”, there is a very obvious personal relationship involved with the company and the founders. The first startup was acquired while it was beginning to lose momentum on new business. The 2nd was acquired for its healthy cashflow, but after the acquisition, management decisions surely and steadily took apart the division which I was a PM for.

After the 2nd startup was acquired and I was in shock for being laid off, I decided to work for a big company. Just to have the stability to figure out what I wanted to do next. I promised myself that if I EVER joined another startup, I would own equity in the business. When I landed the Google offer, I was actually not expecting it. My interviews were going so well that I had 4-5 offers on the table, some with even more money than Google was offering. However, the Google brand name and learning experience was undeniable. Career-wise, it was a smart move. At that time I was on top of my game. I had nothing to lose, and even though I was scared, the fear fueled my desire. I thought to myself, “I have been through 2 acquisitions and 3 job transitions at 22. I can find another job I want”. It was also at that time that my PUA skills improved the most. I picked up my last HB8 girlfriend at SF’s Matrix during that time as well.

Currently, my number one goal is to learn as much as I can about the online business as I can and about Google’s innovative products. This is not about the money, it is about the lessons I can learn that will help me in life. Watching our founders talk on Fridays is always a treat at TGIF. And I always make it a point to meet new Googlers, as many of them are fellow entrepreneurs. There are 2 types of employees at Google. 3, actually.

• The first is the pre-IPO employees – many have retired or moved on, but the ones that have stayed enjoy their work. They do not have any obligation to anyone but the company and themselves, having already over millions/billions of dollars in net worth.
• The second is the post-IPO but well accomplished and mostly wealthy hires, that come to Google for a challenge, for fame, and sometimes for the money. Employees are paid well and these people are looking for both money and status gains. Many acquisition employees fit into this category, and many acquisition founders are still here. This group loves working at Google, but at the same time is open to the idea of starting their own business or running something on the side. Many talk about it, some are already doing it.
• The 3rd is the employee- employee – people who are perfectly happy being Googlers for the next 10 years. They get treated well, they enjoy the security and in their minds they are not superstars or entrepreneurs. They are just glad to have to prestige of working for a great company.

My goals for 2008 is to continue to learn in my career. I also want to become better at pickup, although this area of my life still needs a lot of work. I believe in being able to do both, and I suppose this is what my blog is all about. Business and Love success, all doing so in good health.

For Business or Love: Part 1 and 2

I wrote a brilliant business plan a year ago during Memorial weekend. It sat in my “Entrepreneurship” folder on my desktop for a year. This year, around September, I negotiated a deal with a previous web design firm that we hired in my management consulting days to launch a new site. I am behind on this initiative.

Every time I sit down to write something, my mind wanders into pick up, and I end up going out with Gonzo to pick up girls and run game. We have been going out with a group of Charisma Arts alums. Reading Juggler’s Method (JM) has been a great addition, although I personally find the lack of methodology a weak point for me, as I usually follows a routine a well scripted guideline when I go out. Gonzo’s game is much more casual and natural than mine.

Possible Solution
I don’t have a solution yet, but I would like to document the problem in this post. My mind tells me I should focus on building wealth, but my heart (and other body part) urges me to continue on this road of mastering pick up. Yusha P, my good Swedish PUA friend is also running into this problem. There comes a time when a man must make a decision to sacrifice short term entertainment for long term gain.

After some thought, I thought the Google model might work. “Build the platform”. If I can start a business/website that has reoccurring traffic and is generating some revenue, the element of TIME will only be an addition to my wealth. This is a similar concept to owning real estate. Wealth grows. I have confidence that I can do this, having graduated from the best business school in the world for entrepreneurship.

On the other side of the coin, my PU skills have lagged since my “San Francisco Apartment by the Bridge SOMA” days. I went out last Saturday, and I had AA opening! I ended the night talking to a HB9.5 for 30 minutes, and I negged too hard. On closing, I asked her why she would not give me her number, hoping at least for some feedback despite the fact that I had this super hot girl in my sight but bombed the set. She said she was actually a nice girl and that I was too mean. I don’t have a platform for PU. In other words, it has been almost 9 months since I moved to Sunnyvale, CA and I don’t have a social circle built where I can have girls for regular sex. This is not a “incremental platform” and if no action is taken, I am going to be worse off alone.

So I sit here, in front my my computer. Wondering. Do I pursue my business plan, focus on that, and develop a sustainable income stream over the next few months? Do I spend my weekends going out and mastering PU? I am leaning towards mastering PU. My reasoning is this – it is unhealthy for a peaking 24 year old to remain sex-less. It is actually affecting my mentality. Ideally, I’d like to do both. Today, Tom Perkins came to give a talk at work. I asked him afterward, “A friend from business school recently give me this piece of advice: ‘you can lose a lot of money chasing girls, but you will never lose the girls chasing money. What is your take on his advice?”. I got a laugh from him, and his response was, “well, I do have a long list of resumes for the Mrs. Perkins position. I suppose being a VC and Writer is a good combination”.

Going Deeper on Money vs. Sex
I started thinking about what wealth and love really means. Mystery has noted Wealth, Health and Money. I am a healthy 24 year old. I have nice style. For those of us in business and entrepreneurship, hopefully we understand that Money is merely an instrument of exchange. It is a tool that reflects what we are willing to trade, or, if you really dig deeper, our true desires. Money in and of itself is useless. It is money’s ability to purchase other things of value to you that is its essence.

Sex is more simple – it is that animal urge to spread your genes. But wait, relationships are important too. As Zan said, it is about connecting with people. In his recent talk at UC Berkley, one of the PUAs noted that Zan said today, we don’t bond at campfire anymore. Instead, people sit on the couch alone and watch TV. We have created a culture that craves companionship. I think this is so true. So yes, I want regular sex, but more importantly, I want to connect with one of the most beautiful things that God has created in this realm – that of a beautiful (both mind and body) woman.

My Goal for Myself
My goal is to develop the skill set to get consistent lays. I also want to launch my new site and business by end of year. I will report back on my progress…

The Dilemma