Dr. Seligman starts out by examining why, in the midst of the wealthiest time period in humanity’s history, human beings are as depressed as ever:

The sheer speed of modern life and our extreme future-mindedness can sneak up on us and impoverish ou rpresent. Alsmot severy tehcnological advance in recent times – from the telephone to the internet, has been about doing more and doing it faster… So invasive is this “virtue” that in even the most innocuous of social conversations, we can catch ourselves not listening well, but instead planning a witty riposte.

Another reason why the free hug campaign is so successful around the world: because we all want to belong:

He then makes a VERY important identification of 2 types of pleasures: one that is instant gratification, and the other, the feeling of “flow” and actually not being aware of one’s emotions during an activity:

In ordinary English, we do not distinguish between the gratifications and the pleasures. Thei is truly a shame, because it uddles together two different classes of the best thingsin life, and it deceives us into thinking they can each be had in the same wa. We casually say that we like caviar, a back rub, or the sound of rain on a tin roof… when I press people about the existence of that underlying positive emotion, I find one underneath the pleasures:L great food ,a backf run, perfrume, or a hot shower all produce the raw feels of pleasure I mentioned at the beginning of this chapter. In contast, when I press people about the positive emotion of pleasure we allegedly feel when serving coffee to the homeless, or reading Andrea Barrett, or playing bridge or rock climbing, it is quite elusive…. It is the total absorption, the suspension of consciousness, and the flow that the gratifications produce that defines liking these activities – not the presence of pleasure. Total immersion, in fact, blocks consciousness, and emotions are completely absent. This distinction is the difference between the good life and the pleasant life.

He then examines the works of his colleague Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi:

MC: “playing a close game of tennis that stretches one’s ability is enjoyable, as is reading a book that reveals things in a new light, as is having a conversatio nthat leads us to express ideas we didn’t know we had. Closing a contested business deal, or any peice of work well done, is enjoyable. None of these experiences may be particularly pleasurable at the time, but afterward we think back on them and say, “that was fun,” and wish they would happen again.

Pleasure is a powerful source of motivation, but it does not produce change, it is a conversvative force taht makes us want to satisfy existing needs, achieve comfort and relaxation… Enjoyment (gratification) on the other hand is not always pleasant, and it can be utterly stressful at times. A mountain climber may be close to greezing, utterly exhausted, in danger of falling into a bottomless creavasse, yet he wouldnt want to be anywhere else. Sipping a cokctail under a plam tgree at the edge of the turquoise ocean is nice, but it just doesnt compare to the exhilaration he feels on that freezing ridge.

The Lizard Story

One of my teachers, Julian Jaynes, kept an exotic Amazonina lizard as a pet in his laboratory. I nthe first fe weeks after getting the lizard, Julian could not get it to eat. He tried everything, but it was starving right before his eyes. He offered it lettuce, and then mango, and then ground prok from the supermarket. He watted flies and offered them to the lizard. He tried live insects and Chinese takeout. He blended fruit juices. The lizard refujsed everything and was slipping into torpor.

One day Julian brought in a ham sandwich and proffered it. The lizard showed no interest. Going about his daily routine, Julian pickup up the New York Times and began to read. When he finished the first section, he tossed it down on top of the ham sandwich. The lizard took one look at this configuration, crept stealthily across the floor, leapt onto the newspaper, shredded it, and then gobbled up the ham sandwich. The lizard needed to stalk and shred before it would eat. Lizards have evolved to stalk and pounce and shred before they eat. Hunting, it seems, is a lizardly virtue. SO essential was the exercise of this strength to the life of the lizard that its appetite could not be awakened until the strength had been engaged. No shortcut to happiness was available to this lizard. Human beings are immensely more complex than Amazonian lizards, but all our complexity sits on top of an emotional brain that has been shaped for hundreds of millions of years by natural selection….The belief that we can rely on shortcuts to gratification and bypass the exercise of personal strengths and virtues if folly. It leads not just to lizards that starve to death, but to legions of humanity who are depressed in the middle of great wealth and are staving to death spiritually.

Professor Seligman then concludes the chapter, and sets us up for action steps we can take to combat depression:

In contrast to getting in touch with feelings, the defining criterion of gratification is the absence of feeling, loss of self-consciousness, and total engagement. Gratification dispels self-absorption, and the more one has the flow that gratification produces, the less depressed one is. Here, then, is a powerful antidote to the epidemic of depression in youth: strive for more gratifications, while toning down the pursuit of pleasure. The pleasures come easily, and the gratifications (which result fro the exercise of personal strengths) are hard-won. A determination to identify and develop these strengths is therefore the great bugger against depression.

The next day he left, and I was all alone. Although sad, I was also extremely excited. Finally! American College life! Let’s get this show going! The first year was great and we met a lot of cool people, but I had no real interest in girls. When I hit 17 and 18, that’s when things began to get frustrating as girls I meet will either become friends, or show no interest. It was almost as if I didn’t speak their language. Come Junior and Senior year, I was simply in denial and my ego prevented me from approaching and meeting new girls. There were 3 particular incidents I remember from college related to girls:

none of this happened at my school

1. My senior year, I decided to head down to an entrepreneurship competition. I was the only one from our school there. It was exciting. Instead of off alone by myself, I befriended an Asian girl, who later took me in as part of their group. We went out, back to their dorms, and headed out at night. It was so much fun. I had IOIs from her at the time but I felt bad for her boyfriend. In any case, she asked me to stay and I ended up driving home because I missed my own bed

2. I remember dating a freshman girl. She was very cute, but very quickly I showed the extent of my game: none. I treated her like a friend and we went out on a date once. She later fucked one of my friend’s friends and that was that. Later, she tried to be nice to me, but I just couldn’t do it. Had I had options and more game, I would have been nice to her but at the time, I was insecure of my own ability to attract women.

3. I had a crush on a girl called Vivian, and she wasn’t super cute but she had that quiet confidence about her. She was very nice to me, but when I spilled the beans on me liking her, she said, “we should be friends” and suggested girl friends of hers that  I could date. Very nice girl, but I totally did not know what to do to get her. It was a real “infatuation” of sorts, that we don’t get as much in life after college.

Aside from my lack of progress with women, I made many strides. Business courses took me by surprise as encouraging and interesting. I did well in marketing classes, as well as classes related to entrepreneurship. Finance I knew was important, but I did not do too well in it, and neither in accounting. I loved marketing. I still do.

A lot of time was spent playing video games, we setup a LAN in the basement and cranked out hours on end on WarCraft 2 and CounterStrike. Those guy friends are still some of my best friends to this day.

I developed an ability to lead my all nerd (some nerd) social circle, as well as the ability to speak in business settings. I was able to present business cases on the fly, and these skills came in extremely handy later on in my professional life. I had an admiration for my professors, many of which started their own companies, and the spirit of entrepreneurship was instilled in me at a very young age.

College was sweet because there was nothing to worry about. Dad paid the bills and I promised to pay him back one day when I was “famous”. We didn’t have jobs, or bosses to please. Only professors, who were mostly nice and fair. Friends came easily, and rarely was life bad. We had one kid who killed himself in his dorm room, but the news was kept relatively quiet and we hear this happens a lot more on other campuses than ours. It was the only incident in my 4 years.

If I had one regret, it was not developing a solid understanding of women and girls at a younger age. I would go on into consulting in Connecticut and NY and suck again at picking up girls, despite my prestigious job. A year after school, I realized that none of the traditional stories made sense. If you made money you didn’t always get the girls. It is what you do with that money and your personality that counts. I started looking at the way I dressed, and started making serious plans to change my life. Because, I wanted this:

As artists sometimes we try to change and the world frowns upon it. Your friends, associates and even family are not used to the new “you” and if feels uncomfortable because it is unfamiliar to them. And as human beings, we fear and generally dislike the unfamiliar. Human nature has made us fear the unknown. You can’t change human nature.

A deep identity change through experience sometimes need to be maintained for it to take effect. Coming from from Brazil, I FEEL different. Yet, in my interactions since coming back for a week, some people still react the same way towards me, despite me having a totally different, more confident frame. Don’t let this discourage you. As you continue living your life in you new identity, more and more people will take notice. New friends will be introduced to the new you. Remember that public opinion always follows real change.

I am back in Sunnyvale and I hate this place. They say you hate that which you most fear of becoming, and I am not sure I agree with this. I am annoyed at the scene. A couple of events that happened over the past week:

• I go back to work and realize that I work with people that are unmotivated. I see the fire die in their eyes. As smart as they are to have landed offers at Google, they have resigned to the fate of their roles, with no ambitions to move up in the organization or do something for themselves. This is a sad sight.
• I go to salsa class, and find 2 other PUAs and 2 guys who are clamming and trying hard to 2 get/bounce mediocre looking girls. It was then that I realized that guys here HAVE to try hard. There aren’t enough girls to go around. The very act makes me shake my head. As I introduce myself I realize that there’s a tingling of fear in their eyes that I MIGHT steal their girls. Wow. What a sharp contrast to DD, who I met in Brazil when he said, “Listen, I am saying sober tonight and the priority is to get YOU laid. We do this every night and you are our visitor! So I won’t compete with you for the girls”. Talk about hospitality. And I appreciated it. He had mad game.
• I walk around my apartment complex. I see old people, kids. Indian and Chinese families. One ugly looking blonde girl who thinks she’s hot shit. Old women wearing robes as they go swimming because their culture won’t allow skin showing. Chinese people speaking Chinese and generally avoiding eye contact, walking around with plaid shirts and khakis, with a complete lack of physical fitness or style. God I hate this FUCKING town.
• Today I saw some cute Santa Clara girls at Safeway. Wow. First 7+ HB in 7 days! They’re probably preparing for the new semester. It was then that I realized I LIKE being in the presence of women. Hot women generally. And the town I live in foster a mentality of passiveness and chodeness.

I hope that I can maintain the learnings I have had in Brazil. It has become clear to me that my current lifestyle requires a MAJOR overhaul. Time to make some decisions and step up.

Me living in Sunnyvale California is like Lebron James playing basketball in Spain. Sure he’s good, but no one wants to watch basketball when they are eating tacos. For 2.5 years now I have lived there, and the environment has done a a significant change on my psyche. With a high density population of married couples and low single women to single men ratio, I have been reduced to a guy who behaves as if I had very low social value.

While in Brazil a lot of personal things happened. I will narrow it down in this post to the most significant events that allowed me to realize that I am a high value guy:

• The most important thing was having people who knew who I was. Friends from college who knew me very well back then. We talked and played as if no time had passed. This is because although we have all changed so much in the past 5-6 years, we still know the “essence” of who we are. The groom’s family was also very warm and it was good to see everyone again after all this time.
• Hanging out with other people of high value, raises your own value as well. They have a tendency to notice your best traits, and constantly reminds you of them by treating you as if you always possessed those traits. For example, my friend values my opinion greatly about marketing and has asked me for my advice on his spa business’s marketing material.
• Seeing them again made me realize that my style has drastically changed. Instead of having no one notice in Sunnyvale, I get looks from everyone in Brazil. My friends also noticed that my style has improved a lot, and was actually even going through my stuff to learn about what brand of jeans and cologne I wear.
• Being in a developing nation, being an “American” (“Gringo” here) automatically raises your value. We’re still a superpower and our influence on pop culture here is significant.
• The female to male ratio in BH and Rio is highly skewed, therefore, approaching girls usually yields great results. Even if you are just strolling around, you will get very strong eye contact from the gals. One girl even said hi to me as we were walking on the street.
• Because of the ridiculously good looking women in Brazil, you start to get used to hot girls. Overall, this increases your own value as hot chicks become ever more common.
• Hanging out with the bride’s family, I remember sitting on the couch with 7-8 girls around me, all shouting and talking in Portugese. They would touch me and be fooling around. Just having this kind of atmosphere allows you to get used to hanging around really hot girls and it was a blast.
• I hooked up twice in my trip here and it was actually quite easy to do. This always raises a man’s confidence. Not only that, one of the girls was probably the hottest girl I’ve slept with thus far in my journey.
• Hooking up with really hot girls changes your perception of your own sexual value. What I mean is, if you are able to hook up with really good looking women, there is this barrier of hotness that you overcome as a limiting belief that you are not good enough for a specific type of woman.
• People are in general warmer here. For example, everyone says “bon gia” (translation: “good day”) to you when you walk around. There is more sense of connected-ness here, and as you connect and exchange reference points with more people, you own sense of self worth is further developed and defined.
• I was able to get to know a couple of HB9s and 10s here. They are actually really cool people. Before, I was being mean to HB8+ because they were historically mean to me. I know now that this is not true, and I should not project my own insecurities on women just because they are really good looking. You don’t need to be an asshole to pickup a really hot girl. A neg is not an insult. It is simple disqualification in a high energy nightclub. Sometimes being nice and congruent with high value is simply enough, if this is indeed who you are.

A strange thing is happening to me now as I am writing this. In PUA land, we talk about “social references”. That is, the social feedback loop that a person gets as he received pings and pongs from the people we interacts with, that determine his or her value. For example, if a man moves to a new place, and his first 3 approaches with girls in his neighborhood are negative, he may start thinking that his own value is low. Let’s say the man settles down for 5 weeks. Now, he has a string of social interactions with women in his neighborhood. On average, he gets decent results but not great. Over time, his unconscious mind starts drawing up this perception of “average guy” value in his head. This is so subtle that sometimes his conscious mind is not aware of it. But unless something drastically changes, this image of this value gets stuck in his head. After a certain time of the same social feedback and same behavior, something in the man’s mind “clicks” and this begins a change in his attitude towards himself, be it positive or negative. In the case of negative social feedback loops, Matt (PUA Training) the confidence coach would call this, “your conditioned voiced”, which has now taken over.

Similarly, when we are in a new country, we develop an opportunity to redefine our own value. While in Brazil, I have come to realize that I am a good friend. I am very sexually desirable by many women. I am of a high social class. I am ambitious. I have family and friends that know the real me. These changes are not only conscious, but they start to manifest in you in strange ways: When I talk to really hot girls now, I no longer have this fear or itch of gaming them. I simply talk and connect with them. I look past the pretty face. You start to feel like you can walk around the city by yourself and still have a good time. You can eat alone and still feel comfortable and at peace and be nice to everyone. You experience bad feedback, i.e. “go away!” and no longer blame yourself for them, but rather condone that person’s inappropriate social behavior. This is possible because you know that, based on the majority of social interactions you have, 90% of it is very positive, so this person is an isolated incident and must be in the wrong. This is not a conscious calculation per se, but rather the consciousness awareness of your ongoing social value. This type of change I believe can only come after some time. The last time I remember feeling this way was when I was in San Francisco and I had just landed a manager role at a startup.

So if you are feeling in a rut, remember that you may be living in a town that sucks anyway. Take a trip elsewhere. Meet new people. See if you can discover the hidden part of you that inherently radiates high value.

Rio

I’m  sitting on the Copacabana beach in Rio in front of the hotel Sol Ipanema overlooking the beautiful ocean in Rio de Janeiro.  To my left there are still volleyball players there playing Brazilian volleyball (where you kick with your feet instead of setting the ball with your hands). Across the ocean are islands. You can hardy see them now in the dark, but during the day they were green and luscious and beautiful. To my right is a rolling hill of lights and hotel signs along the Copacabana beach. Cars roam the streets between the beach and the hotel, even as late as 10pm. I am reminded of the city in Taipei and Jakarta.

I am here with one of my best friends from college, and his future brother in law. Rio is a beautiful city. Many beautiful women. And men. I probably wrote 3 pages of notes tonight, but instead I will store those in my personal diary and stick to the learning. I learned in Rio that while physical looks can be important, what makes Brazilians so attractive is their control of their “essence”. What is “essence”? To me, it is a person’s energetic representation of themselves. The physical and spiritual manifestation of their inner self. The street vendor accepts his role in society. Even the taxi drivers have a keen sense of ruggedness and “dragging along this tough life” look that makes them semi-attractive. To me, I learned that while I focused on my looks so much, I lose much of what I could develop as my “essence”. The ironic thing is that, when people worry about the way they look, the emotional effects of this thinking actually has 0 benefit fo the individual with these thoughts . So why think them? While I still do want to get work done and develop my body, this trip has made me realize that you can have okay looks and still possess mad “essence”.

Belo Horizonte (BH) – pronounced “Be-loo Ho-ri-zon-che”

A town of 4M in population 6 hours north of Rio, this is a true Brazilian town. Foreigners are rare here, as most of the people traveling to BH come fro other parts of Brazil. As such, being a tall Asian guy I am quite a sight to behold and I get a lot of looks in the busy streets as a foreigner. Like many parts of Brazil, there are rich parts and very poor parts (Favelas) of the town. It is still a developing nation. Everything moves slow in BH, including the hotel staff. All of the American guests for the wedding at first got frustrated at the lack of speed and follow through we usually expect to receive at hotel accommodations. By the end of the trip, we just went with the flow. Although people are lazy here, they are happy. Lots of couples roam the streets, people making out in the park, these are all common sights for the citizens of BH.

Natural Player Mindset

I met 2 players on this trip. Mr. T and Deda. Mr T. is a wise man. He’s the father of the groom and we have met before in Miami. The man owns a business there, and has been dating hot girls for ages. He’s the kind of guy that just gets along with everyone, and he has a vibe that is warm and friendly. His conversations are slow, and he sucks you in with the way he talks about life. When asked about girls at dinner over the week, I learned the following things from him:

• It is in man’s nature to want to fuck every single girl he can. Burying this desire doesn’t help things. Understanding it will help you make the right decisions in life and marriage.
• Don’t be shy. Mr. T said when he was young, he used to go to the movie theatres alone. And, in the dark, he’ll lean over and makeout with the girl sitting next to him! We were shocked. “Yes, haha! I got slapped a few times. But I had a few girls who really liked it. I had no shame. Then. There were a few girls that… when the lights came on after the movie and I saw their faces clearly, I started running away as quick as I could!”
• “Don’t take it personally”, T said. He said that for every man, there is a woman who loves him just as the way he is.
• He talked to us about his stance on this marriage, and what it means to be married to a woman. A woman can either lift a man to his highest potential, or drain him of everything and bring him to his lowest self.
• He talked to us about his new wife. At first, I didn’t think much of her. She was homely looking. I know this is a mean thing to say, but given Mr T’s past of the most gorgeous women in Miami we were surprised. He explains that his new wife cares about him, and this is what he wants. It precedes all other things. Above that, he told us that as an older man, the hotter women he met were all interested in him because of his money and power in Miami, and he eventually grew bored of that lifestyle. At the end of the trip, I actually really like his new wife. She was caring and she was genuine, and I haven’t seen this in many girls that I know.
• If you can make a girl laugh, you’ve got her. Keep talking and talking. I’ve seen a guy who at first was rejected by a girl. She said she has a boyfriend. But he kept on at it, and eventually she cracked. The toughest girls, once they crack, the more they are into you. You’re the wolf that keeps playing with the girl, and even if she rejects you, you should both enjoy the chase and have a good time, and be
• It was amazing to me, how many of the things he said correlated to pickup. Ultimately, he told me that I was too analytical, and a more natural approach to women and girls is key. Talking with him, I realized why naturals have such as easy time picking up girls. A natural is in some ways someone who figured it out their own identity and how that identity fulfills their desires with women.

Deda was a cool guy in his late 20′s. He was at a house party with us. We had about 8 girls and 6 guys and we were partying it up at a suburban farm house. Talking with him in the car, I realized he was a player. He told me that he was never shy, and that talking to girls was easy for him and his friends.  I learned the following hanging with him

• “It is not your fault that you do not know Portuguese. You’re a visitor! So just be friendly and people will be friendly back. You have the advantage here”
• “The redhead girl is really into you. You should try to reciprocate now if you are interested in her.” (This girl ended up giving me a handjob in the bedroom)
• “In Brazil, there is a bond among men. We NEVER tell a girl if her boyfriend cheated. It is an honor code. Also, we NEVER steal another man’s girl. There are already so many girls in BH. 7 to 1 ratio, sometimes. But its an unspoken honor code among guys.”
• “If I were you I would try to fuck a new girl every day you are here in Brazil! Haha!”

“Sluts” and “Whores”

These are such ugly terms. Mostly that girls use on other girls. Some guys use it too. I don’t believe in the term because I believe that it is such a double standard and women should be allowed to be as sexually casual as men. However in BH I noticed a big difference between women who use sex to their advantage and others who are more reserved, and then there are those that just are down for anything. These girls who are more “loose” are fun to be around! But they are also not as committed. They are just there to have a good time. Sometimes that is all you need. Other times, having a high class girlfriend is so important in a relationship.

We visited a club in HB, which turned out to be a whorehouse. This place was really, really interesting. If you think the girls in the Snoop Dogg video was hot, imagine seeing a club full of these girls wearing skimpy outfits.

There is a small waterfall in the club. Stripper poles to my right, and left. Tables everywhere. Some guys sitting down talking to girls, other girls hanging out in a line next to the wall. Like PUAs, some whores have game and some don’t. One girl just said, “ok! Let’s fuck! now!”. We didn’t do it. Another girl sat down, talked to us for a while, and then did little things like look at the guy smiling and waiting for him to lead. Those were the girls that got the business. They were happy to do their job. My friend wanted me to experience a hooker, so before I knew it he paid for me. I’ve never paid for sex before, and I suppose I’m not paying for it this time. But he wanted me to know what it was like and how it would change my perception of women. Later the next day, he said, “The lesson I wanted you to learn was that, women, as hot as they are, can be bought, and it is just a piece of pussy. Yes there are good girls, but you must understand that it is not hard to come by. After I slept with a few hookers I realized that underneath it all it is just a regular girl”. This friend of mine happens to be a major business player in the Caribbeans and is currently fucking 2 models.

Back to the whorehouse. The girl I was with happened to be the best fuck I’ve ever had. And she was really, really hot. More so than her physical beauty though, she knew how to make a man feel good. She laughed at everything I said even though she didn’t speak English. She treated me like a real person instead of a customer. In the US I think we call this GFE (Girlfriend Experience). She would pause during sex and look at me and see if I am enjoying it. She also did things to me that, later on I found out hookers usually don’t do with a client. She gave me her number but I lost my phone at the wedding, and therefore lost touch. There are 2 major locations for these whorehouses in BH and Rio. Pricing is actually quite expensive, and this is reflected based on the level of tourism and beauty in Brazil and the young age of the girls.

Hooking up and getting laid in Belo Horzionte

In Rio, there is a place called “Help”. It was detailed in Roosh’s South America PUA blog but we found out that it was bought out and is currently being renovated.

In BH, there is Crystal, a high end hooker place. The girls that work here are young college girls, who are hooking to support their college educations in the city. I confirmed this to be true with the local cab drivers.

There is another club called “Champaign” but cab drivers may not know it by is English name. It is a few blocks south of the Othon Palace hotel, down the bridge and to the right. I forgot the road name but this place had some of the hottest girls since I got here.

There are also 2:1 ratios of girls on the street. You will need to learn a few phrases of Portuguese and see if you can bounce back to the hotel. At 12:00 midnight, escorts roam the Othon Palace front streets and you’ll be able to spot a few if there is no luck at the club.

There is a site called BHmodels.com.br. It lists all the high end escorts for the city. Check it out if you have someone who can speak the language for you.

Social Circle Game: Most guys here have at least a few fuck buddies and girlfriends. Throw a house party. The one we threw, we picked up the girls at 12 midnight on a Thursday. My jaw dropped as we went from door to door picking up girls. I couldn’t believe how easy it was.

Family

There is no substitute for family. A family is more than by blood. It is a bond people share between each other. Like no time has passed, even though all of us have changed over the years. I felt like I was part of the family that so passionately flew all the way from Miami in support of the groom.

Sex Ratio

This is a big lesson for me. While I have been stuck in Sunnyvale, California I was blinded to the immediate and dramatic effect of sex ratios. A slight shift in percentage effects everything. The power balance between the sexes. This is also taking into account the culture, political context and general mating strategies of the other sexes. See “The evolution of desire” by David Buss for more details on the breakdown of this influence.

In short, while walking about in Rio and BH, I get looks  and approach inviations from girls all the time. I had a girl say hi to me once on the street, I was so shocked and I didn’t reply in time. All of the girls we hung out with were down to fuck. In seeking an explanation, I found out that first of all, Brazil has a culture of casual sex and that because of the high female ratio, women are more likely to put up with men having multiple girlfriends.

The approach, however doesn’t change. The man has to lead. It is just that here in Brazil, he has a huge margin of error on his game. And because of this, many of the non shy Brazilian guys have developed a strong natural frame for getting the women they want.

In stark contrast to Silicon Valley, where women vie for the attention of the highest salary executive and use sex to her advantage by seeking out the best long term relationship for herself.

Weddings

Weddings can be boring. They can also be fun. Network. Have fun. Cry. Laugh. The more fundamental thing, however is to understand the power balance within the marriage. I believe that, even in the best of marriages, a man must maintain his power and status relative to the woman. Because if the balance shifts, many things get out of hand.  A man must always be a force of change. Attraction wanes and compliants become common from the woman when this fundamental dynamic changes.

Life is imperfect

Do you know when you are really good friend with someone? When saying good bye isn’t a big deal. Not every moment is like a Hollywood movie. Instead, the best good byes with my friends were the ones that carried on. “Ok. See you man. Stay safe. Don’t be gay! (inside joke)”. Friend gets in the car. “Hey R, so what’re you going to do later”. Calls me at the airport a few hours later, “yeah we’re waiting for the plane. It was really fun man”. My point is, really good friends don’t need hyped up good byes. They are just naturally down to earth, as if we were just “hanging out” again in college.  The same thing applies to girls. You don’t need movie script pickups. Just be down, be cool, and hangout. If you do this with enough girls, you will get laid. I have been blinded by this simple truth living in Silicon Valley for so long.

Looks can be deceiving

I met a HB10 blonde girl, who was the GF of one of my friends. She turned out to be such a good person. I met the wife of another uncle. She looked like a 10 Milf and she had a pornstar face. In talking to her though she was kind of dorky and fun. It was such a weird combination. Piercing blue eyes, and blonde hair, perfect facial symmetry and an ass to die for. Yet as I spoke more and more to her,  I realized that she was actually a really cool girl. I understand now, after speaking with my friend that I’ve been projecting this flawed image of this “model 10 blonde girl”, who I was told by “Game” to “Neg” and “be mean to”. But really, these are reflections of my own insecurities and pre-conceptions of what these women are like. They probably get these from other men as well, and now I understand why beautiful women value good friends. Because good friends can see past their physical beauty more frequently than others.

Genetic Variety

Brazil has many cultures. Not many Asians here in BH and some in Rio. But blacks and whites co-exists. Racism was non-existent. I saw little girls with braided hair and those with flowing dirty blonde hair. My friend explained to me that because of the genes from black people, Brazilians have amazing asses (theory? ). They also end up having these light colored blue, green and hazel eyes. Beautiful. I believe that genetic variety creates physical attractiveness and I witnessed this first hand in Brazil. No wonder half of the Victoria’s Secret line up came from South America.

Brazilian Culture and Women

• While the people here were beautiful, they didn’t have style like we do in the US. The money isn’t there for everyone to shop brand name products. That said, their use of color is amazing. I saw girls in beautiful purple dresses, and green layers. It was beautiful how the women were able to use inexpensive clothing and play around with the colors and styles available to them. Given their amazing natural curves, they looked just as good, and even better than their American counterparts. When you have a gifted body, it makes up for a lack of style. But even the best style cannot account for an unattractive body.
• People are always slow here. It took us 20 minutes to check into our room. Internet service is slower. People move slower. We realized now why America is so rich – we work so hard compared to the rest of the world. I wonder if I got laid for HB10s all day if I would be lazy too.
• Things break here all the time. Glasses break. Door knobs. Plates. Shampoo openers. Things are just not as sturdy and well made.
• The night scene actually isn’t that great! I think people hook up during the day. We went to a local dance club and I realized that it was standard dance game. The girls responded the same way (a bit nicer on the rejections) and the guys were still chodes. I saw more game during the day than night. It seems like nightclubs may be more of a high class event and a lot of the people that already go are friends. I may be wrong on this but we visited 3 clubs in Rio and 2 clubs in BH.
• Soccer is big here in Brazil. Its how the kids become famous and get out of the Favela (ghettos). So is pop culture and movies. One of the kids in “city of God” came from the Favela.
• Girls here don’t have fake boobs. They are 90% of the time real. They are naturally gifted, and even if not so, they have amazing asses to make up for it. There may be a wealth and culture influence too. Brazilians just find natural bodies beautiful. I agree.
• There are white beauties here. The whiter skin, straighter hair girls. They are beautiful. I also saw some really tanned (dark) Brazilian girls. Even though darker skin in Western civilization has been associated with less beautiful (partially due to social conditioning of media) I found the darker skin latinas to be amazingly shaped. Even the black girls have green or blue eyes. It is amazing. The families I saw here sometimes had daughters with black and brown eyes, and the another with blonde and green hair.

“Low class” vs. “high class”

Being here makes me appreciate the wealth we have in America. I also learned that work is not everything. Where Brazilians are poor in economic wealth, they makeup for in riches in love and culture. A distinct difference lies in the poor to middle class people here, in that their minds only expand upon a certain level of acceptance to their lifestyle and quality of living. Ambition goes a long way here in Brazil. The same can be said about the wealthy, middle and poor classes everywhere in the world, I think. With exception of governments that do not promote capitalism and a readily available social ladder where mobility is at least possible. I know plan to return the the US with a renewed focus on achieving financial freedom, while building lasting friendships with all the souls that I am lucky enough to share this experience with in this life.

Part of this is due to Accutane. 60 mg a day does takes it toll on the body. For the most part, the drug was considered a miracle drug when introduced over 2 decades ago, as the only “cure” for acne breakouts. While there has been no conclusive scientific study that links depression or suicidal thoughts to the drug, many patients have acknowledged a known depression curve when on high doses of Accutane. For me, this feeling just means that if you do nothing or have nothing exciting going on in your life, you will feel a little “blue”. Thus, a normal person with a healthy social life need not worry for the most part.

The medicine, at best, is a slight influence on how I feel. It tends to enhance any negative thoughts that you currently have. Behavior and conscious thought is still personal choice, as we deliberately control and direct them.

One of the challenges I have been dealing with is how I can reach my goals. The barriers seem insurmountable. Too hard. Too many obstacles. Impossible. I wished that I wasn’t so ambitious, and that my dream to build my own playboy mansion and have a shot at becoming really, model good looking was exactly that – a nice dream to which I can hang my hopes and dreams by, and pretend to really care about it when I talk to people that asked. But it is so much more than that. It is becoming a burning desire.

One of the problems, as correctly noted by friend and PUA Serum is that my goals are too high. As such, I go on spurts when I would go out and go “sarging“. When I don’t get the girl I want, or I end up closing a girl that I think is below my standards, I will get really angry/depressed/in denial. See Kubler-Ross model for more details.

After this “wave”, I go back to my normal routine. While I consider myself rather successful being in “normal mode”, this person, this version of AlphaWolf will not get me to where I want to go – building my own version of the Playboy mansion. To achieve this, I must become someone else. In this sense, the lessons in pickup and entrepreneurship are very real. How can you become a sexy worthy guy, if you have never actually BEEN sex worthy?  How do you develop a rich person’s mentality, when you’ve never BEEN rich?

On a deep level and to a large extent in the artist’s exterior, he or she will have to fundamentally change who they are. Being politically correct, people will always say, “become attractive! become confident! But while doing so, remember to retain your best qualities and who you REALLY are!!!”

But the truth is not that simple. I believe that on a very deep level, for a non sex worthy guy (non-natural) to become sex worthy, something in him fundamentally changes. I am starting to understand this now. As you work on this, something clicks. You no longer “value chase” girls. They chase you. You chase them for fun, not becasue you are seeking value. It is an equal exchange. There is no fake it til you make it. No bullshit. No lies. No elaborate tricks. It simply is.

YOU. ARE. A. SEX. WORTHY. GUY.

The truth shall set you free.

A word of wisdom came from an unexpected source: a shy Indian guy at work, who needed a ride home today. He is a stand up guy, but I always thought that he wasn’t very interesting. I asked him for his view on life and our goals, given our workload at the office. He said something really interesting:

“Sometimes you make ‘long term’ goals, but the long term is hard to predict and hard to see. So you have short term goals, and you work to get there within a reasonable amount of time, and short goal after short goal, hopefully that allows you to move towards your longer term goals.”

I still have not figured out how to take this mindset, and create a disciplined lifestyle around it. Too many times, I have said “fuck it” to picking up girls because I cannot take the rejection, and also because my PU skills, while it gets me laid with (let’s be frank) a decent amount of effort, it always feels like I am the one doing the “chasing”. I have seen guys who do not chase. The girls choose them. There are 2 extremes, the rich guys, who get the gold digging girls (these are broad generalizations, I know hang with me).

The other type of guy is just the “sex worthy guy”, as we describe in pickup as a guy who you know, on an exterior and subtle level, understands attraction and can trigger it in woman, and can sexually escalate to a close. The thing PUAs and the community often misses is that this guy has his inner game down. He understands who he is. He has a strange, almost untouchable sense of confidence in himself.  The inner game is the essense of the fire, and the techniques are simply ways to manipulate the flame.

AFC Adam notes in the under 21 convention, that becoming a natural requires 3 things:

1. Confidence in yourself: without confidence, you have no hope

2. Abundance: you need women in your life

3. An ability to sexually escalate

At the end of the day, pickup is pickup. It is a skill set and mindset of picking up girls. It is nothing more, nothing less. The 3 pillars of your life, wealth, health, and love must be in order in order to feel truly happy. This beings me back to my original points:

1. I don’t want to “pickup” girls because I feel like I am not at a point where my inner game and passive value traits are allowing me to be, at a base frequency, the sex worthy guy.

2.  On the same note, while I love working on business and work, doing this 100% of the time does make me depressed, because I know I am not living up to my full potential. And the reason we are running with this was to have more free time and financial resources to pursue our passions in pickup and the arts! Guitar, Martial Arts, Dance, Art.

I will continue to post my conflicts in the personal life section, in hopes that others can benefit from reading about my experience.

I forgot what happened after that. I also remember I was the main character in a huge city. Kind of like GTA. I specifically remember the feeling of power: “wow. I have a machine gun, rocket launcher, I could literally destroy this whole place right now”. But I decided it would be more fun to just run around. The camera was on me! Cool! A whole game (or dream, in this case) built just for me! Awesome!

Other scenarios occurred, but I don’t remember the specifics. When I woke up, I felt alive. I felt good. I felt like I could do anything. That life was a game. A game to be played. To be controlled by me and me only. Only I hold the destiny to my future. It was weird because I had wanted to feel like this for a long time and I have been thinking about it more recently. The feeling I can only describe as “drive”. There are certain characteristics of what drives makes a person feel:

1. You feel like the world is for the taking, and that everything you had ever wanted is out there, just waiting for you to make the right moves.

2. You feel like you can accomplish anything. Ridiculous as may be, I feel like it is possible. It is difficult to describe this feeling

3. You start focusing on what it possible and what calculated risks you may be able to take, instead of what you should be afraid of losing

Let me back up a little. Google has volunteer days – maybe once every 6 months, and this year, instead of a skiing off site, I decided to do something for someone else. The event that we signed up for really made my day, as my major in college was entrepreneurship, and I was judging the entrepreneurship section of the DECA event. We had 2 hours to read the detailed business plans in written form, and then 15 minutes each to review the presentations of the actual high school students.

So fast forward, I was sitting at a judging table, and the organizers brought the kids over to me to pitch their business ideas. I had 5 kids. All of them were great. I won’t go into detail, but their plans were quite solid. I would say, 3 of them had ok plans. Great passion. Loved the writing. Finances were way off The judges agreed during lunch that their concepts are great, but the revenue forecasts and business acumen of simply adding the numbers didn’t make sense. Essentially, they lacked the experience to give proper judgment to market expectations and conditions that influence their revenue and expense numbers. That said, the kids looked sharp in their suits, and I commend them for stepping up, giving it shot, and taking feedback on how to improve their presentations.

One of my kids really stood out, he had a killer PowerPoint slide, great presentation skills, and a solid plan. Unlike the other kids, his business was simple, clean, and close to his passions. One kid had a $2,000,000 business plan to open a club. I’m said, “why do you need so much money? Where are you going to get it?” Another kid, had an organizational chart with 3 ivy league MBAs working for him. His first year revenue projections are 250k, and his employee wage expenses in the same year is 360k. Unbelievable. He had great charisma and strategy-speak potential. But his plan was probably copied from one of his business school uncles.

The one kid that stood out was really passionate, and he had a GREAT plan. He needed $26,000 to bank on the first year for expenses. He already talked to his dad and the bank about how to get it. He business was focused around his passion – video games. He already had contacts that organized unofficial game tournaments. He knew his market, his city, his demographics, and even had brochure for the store times and store manager schedules. It was amazing. Towards the end I gave him some advice about incorporation and tax shelters. He thanked me, and he said something that was interesting to me. He said, “I am really glad that you are my coach today, thank you for all your advice.”. A simple phrase that was, but it revealed a lot subtleties about this kid’s potential. He was able make me feel special. He took feedback well. He was more focused on his business than winning to plan competition, and ironically those usually are the business plans that do best anyway. Because they don’t care if they win (well, maybe they do a little bit), but ultimately they are going to change their destinies regardless of anyone else. That’s an entrepreneur.

In establishing the alliance 5 months ago, I would not have guessed that we would still be meeting weekly. In some ways our meetings are an escape for me. It is a way for me to see a glimpse of what I really want to do in life and how I can get there. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life sitting in front of a computer, taking orders from middle management.

Round the table we go.
Me. I am lazy. I don’t workout regularly. I have not practiced speaking clearly. (Good call on that by one of our members). I have it good compared to most people in this economy, and I am not fully taking advantage of it.

Kev. Smart kid. Very like-able. Innocent. Wants to work on his speaking and accent. Good with befriending girls. Needs to get his grades up and makes sure school is a positive influence in his life, not a nuisance.

Joe. Good writer (from his blog). Needs to develop more stable core confidence, that is not situational. Needs to have a life outside of pickup. Needs to figure out a way to balance out school work, while enjoying life’s journey.

Mik. Solid guy. Trustworthy. Wants to help people. Needs to focus on a solid plan that gives him freedom in his desire to help people, as well as financial responsibility and stability.

Casual. My partner in crime on AlphaCasual Productions. Seems to have his things together. I think he can do more gaming outside of comfort zone. Obviously very smart in his mind, not always expressed to its full extent in verbal and physical form.

TK. Very funny, alpha guy. Seems to have a plan that involves not going back to corporate America. Doesn’t seem to have self doubt, or that many problems. Only comment I have is to have a strong strategy for developing a financial foundation going forward, and goals outside of pickup.

For the guys that weren’t there this Thurs, but are regular members:

Gar: Strong voice. Very down to earth. Slightly nerdy, but also charming in his own way. Seems to want to help other people, genuinely. Seems to be on track with studies at Stanford and in life.

Ma: Solid dude. Trustworthy. Seems to have a lot of things to say, in his mind, but sometimes struggles to get them across. When vibing, does great in field. Does not always carry high energy to generate vibe. The wood is wetter for sparking a fire. Seems to have studies on point at Stanford, and seems to have a passion when he talks about engineering.

Serum: Good friend of mine. Solid. More career aspirations to meet social circle goals is key to a better life down the road for him.

Stone: Trustworthy. Loyal. Willing to standup and pick a fight when needed. Gets angry easily. Very articulate and is able to communicate his thoughts and intentions in the moment better than most of my friends.

1. I consider myself a very loyal person. I am loyal to my friends and family. Most importantly, I am loyal to myself. Loyalty to me is the willingness to let go of seemingly short term gains to grow and preserve a long term relationship with another person, entity, or with yourself. It is also about being completely honest with myself about my humanity and desires, and my most inner thoughts as they exist in its purest form.
2. I am faithful. I believe in God/Infinite Intelligence/Greater Purpose. There’s a reason I am here, in this time and place. and my will guides my life in alignment with this life force.
3. I understand and can possess discipline when required of me to achieve a goal or purpose in life. I am willing to go through the pains of learning something new in the expectation of a greater reward and feeling.
4. I like to think big, am always curious about how things work, and am not afraid to set high expectations out of life. I enjoy doing new things and creating my own rules in life, even if at first the established rules seem difficult to grasp and remodel.
5. Thankful for my family, my past, my life thus far in relation to mankind, and in relationship to where I am from. My parents, who both escaped from China during the communist era and dad, who made career out of diplomacy and has taught me many great lessons about life and relating to other people. We live in an amazing time, where the population is exploding, technology is advancing like we have never seen before, and the power the internet allows blogs like this to be freely accessible anywhere in the world.
6. I have a good sense of humor, and enjoy being myself and seeing the funny side of life events. Wit, charm, and an overall sense of connection and flipping between different perspectives are all part of me in my natural “state”.
7. I am good writer, and I communicate and connect well with others on issues that are important to me. I am able to think strategically about certain projects of life paradigms. I can articulate those feelings verbally and in writing, and am working to improve this communication skill set to be able to influence and give value to those around me.
8. Being diplomatic, I have a world view of the humanity, its implications and influences of people, leaders, economies, climates and other factors that affect culture around the world. I give respect to the different cultures that exist, and consider myself somewhat of an anomaly. I do not succumb to social pressures exhibited by social programming and conditioning of the westernized culture.
9. I have integrity. When I make a promise, I keep it. I strive to be very honest with myself, and relate frequently back to my core values. I like other people who have values, and stick by them, even if they do not directly align with mine, as long as their values are adding value to the world and other people more than it s taking away value from others.
10. Life is about moments, and I will be unafraid to seize the moment when I feel like that is the right thing to do.

I am making a commitment to recite these lines everyday when I go to sleep and when I wake up for 30 days. These are the life believes I would like to have on top of my core values foundation:

1. I am made in God’s image
2. I love God, I love myself and I love life
3. I will make progress towards my goals everyday
4. I am loyal, first to myself, to my family, and then my friends
5. I am blessed by good looks and an inquisitive mind
6. I bring value to the world and those around me (in my reality)
7. I am articulate, creative and as master of words
8. I take care of my body and health everyday. My body is my temple
9. I will not be afraid to try new things.
10. I will carry myself as a prince, and behave like a gentleman
11. I will be versatile in my character: playful, innocent, wise, strong, and allow different emotions to convey my mood
12. I love women, but am not obsessed with them. I will master the skill set, and not focus on the girl until she commits to me first

In practicing these 12 affirmations, I also found the Knights of the Round Table Rules useful, as follows:

1. To never lay down arms
2. To seek after wonders
3. When called upon, to defend the rights of the weak with all one’s strength
4. To injure no one
5. Not to attack one another
6. To fight for the safety of one’s country
7. To give one’s life for one’s country
8. To seek nothing before honor
9. Never to break faith for any reason
10. To practice religion most diligently
11. To grant hospitality to anyone, each according to his ability
12. Whether in honor or disgrace, to make a report with the greatest fidelity to truth to those who keep the annals