For Love or Money. Part 3

A few weeks ago I encountered some setbacks in my life as I had certain events that made me think about my career and my love life. I won’t go into too much detail on these, as I would like to keep my private life privae but I will outline the general issues. I have been talking to a lot of different PUAs and these issues can be re-occurring themes.

Setback 1: Being told you are not as good looking as you think you are, people pointing out physical flaws about you, which are true, but in your mind you have always ignored it or blocked it out.

Setback 2: Antagonism from other guys in a bar, living in a location with high single male to female ratio

Setback 3: Feedback from work that I am sometimes too sexual with female co-workers – which sometimes actually leads to a very flirty relationship at work (and outside). This is not necessarily a bad thing, but the feedback I got from my mentor was that I need to be aware of this more and how other people may perceive me. This was an important point, as I was previously unaware that corporate robot types may be jealous or wary of those who bend the rules, especially at work. My career is my livelihood, and I should be aware of these things and only make a decision to consciously game a girl if she’s open to it and if it is safe for both of us.

Encountering these issues, I wrote a post saying “fuck the game”. In reality I was just really angry at the time. Since then, I have slowly pieced together parts of the puzzle. I will try to explain my mind set. In essence, I thought about putting PU and gaming on hold to focus on my career.

And this thing keeps fucking happening in my head:

Logic 1: If I focus on my career and start a side business I can make lots of money. Money will make me happy by getting me what I want and girls will like me more.
Logic 2: If I focus on game and it doesn’t work out, then I would have lost time developing my business. “You can lose a lot of money chasing girls, but you’ll never lose the girls chasing money”.

Fuck. So this thought pattern keeps happening to me, and when I face failure in game, I turn to this dilemma. Now, I can’t tell you what to do when this happens. But I had to dig keep to reassess my own values, and make a decision based on who I was and what I am about. My search progressed somewhat like this:

1. I was a virgin until 23, and by then I had read The Game. Girls never came easy to me. Thus, if I put this on hold, I may keep what I have developed in Game, but this skill to bed women will never come naturally to me if I do not make a dedicated effort to change.
2. Why did I study business? There were 2 main reasons.
A. I never wanted to be controlled by other people such as in the government.
B. I believed that money can make me happy.
3. How would money make me happy? This was an important question, because money is a means to an end. The first was security and power. To have enough of that to feel safe, and have the power to help my friends and family. This is a very important factor in life. The second reason money was helpful in my happiness was that it will help me attract women. This second reasoning needed further thought. As I thought about it more, there are plenty of guys who are poor that get laid. Also, the things that money can buy will help with attraction, but they absolutely do not replace attraction. In other words, you can be as rich as Bill Gates, but you still needed Hugh Hefner’s game to bed quality women consistently.

4. I am 24. How many years do I have left to game young girls? This is the peak, a man’s prime is at his 27/28th birthday. If I wasn’t going to get laid and enjoy women now, when will it happen? This is a HUGE opportunity cost.

After these considerations, I humbly put my ego aside, and sought out help from other PUAs out there. I figured, I am making enough money and my job career progression is pretty advanced at 24 that I can focus on gaming. I want to develop the skills to consistently get lays, yes, consistent lays – even here in the South Bay. Only then will I be able to focus on business and long term financial foundations. Because without this, I am nothing. When I work on my business plans, all my mind wanders to is a beautiful woman. I feel empty inside. And you can throw all the money in the world at me, but I’d trade it in a second for a life at the playboy mansion.

A few thank yous for the recent help I received from PUAs:

• Adash (AKA Swedish Nanny King): for providing insight into workout mentality, gaming mentality and natural game with European girls.
• Shogun: for showing and winging me during my first ONS pull
• BubbaJohn: for providing insight into direct game, and how MM can be good later on, but in getting experience first, direct game works.
• EC: for offering advice and guidance on the forums

Solutions:

In Sickness, In Health

I got the fever, bad in the past 2 weeks. The days off work as I was recovering, I thought about my life in more depth than I have in a while. At the end of the day, a important question came to mind: If I died tomorrow, would I have lived a good life? Who would really remember me? Mom called, ex girlfriends called. A handful of friends called, but I realized that I did not have any hot female friends. That is, aside from a few from college, I currently do not have any really beautiful HB female friends. (By really beautiful, think HB8+ (potential to be a model). A few lessons came to mind

1. David DeAngelo said in his teachings to make 5 HB8+ friends of girls who you would like to date, but befriend them. Having these girls in your life will teach you the things you need to know about the inner workings, thoughts and the lifestyles of these women. Moreover, they will constantly supply you with their group of HBs.

2. Badboy, when he visited us in SF said that having girls will not make you happy. I am starting to finally understand what he means. Having girlfriends… while you get regular sex, is not a “happy” feeling. In other words, I would rather have deep relationships with 5 GFs/ex GFs – have both a friend and sexual relationship with all of them, than date 10 girls who I have no connection with.

3. Mystery said that being a mPUA is a lifestyle. As such, you MUST be a guy who enjoys going out, and always have something going on. If you are not a club person, Masters/Doc has many GFs and specializes in harem management by throwing social parties and wine parties. I realized that while I enjoy going out, this enjoyment has been adapted in order to become better at pickup. I would rather have a nice night out at the movies or at a restaurant, and I realized this recently. A perfect day for me, is a day spent in relaxation and happiness. It could be a day at the amusement part – a day at a museum where I learned something. Going to a club, while drinking, dancing is nice, is not what I am after at the end of the tunnel. However, being able to hold my own in a club, learning how to peacock and initiative conversations, these are very important skills to master in one of the most dangerous hunting grounds – the dance/loud club.

As I recovered, I am putting picking up girls on hold to figure out what I really want in life. Only then can I truly have clarity around my thoughts about PU.

PMA (Positive Mental Attitude)

In reading Napoleon Hill’s “Think and Grow Rich”, I also came across another one of his works: “Success through a positive mental attitude”.

According to Wikipedia: “Positive mental attitude“, or PMA, is a psychological term which describes a mental phenomenon in which the central idea is that one can increase achievement through optimistic thought processes. PMA implies that one has a vision of good natured change in one’s mind; it employs a state of mind that continues to seek, find and execute ways to win, or find a desirable outcome, regardless of the circumstances. It rejects negativity, defeatism and hopelessness. Part of the process of achieving PMA employs motivating “self talk” and deliberate goal-directed thinking.”

Lately, I have been paying attention to my inner dialogue in my head and it is interesting to note how negative it can be: “Damn, it is early in the morning… man, why do I have to do this… great, another line at Google that I have to wait for”. Instead, I should be thinking, “it is good to be early and arrive in the office to get everything done… this is good practice for me… I am lucky – I get free food for lunch and dinner!”

Hill talked about consciously developing the character traits that people embodied. I thought about Style’s LAS VEGAS character traits, but I did not want my list to be just about pickup. I wanted it to reflect life in general, wealth, health and love. Because if order to eventually land a 10, you will need to have the overall lifestyle to back it up. Here is my character sheet, uploaded into Google Docs – you can’t edit it, but it is here for viewing pleasure. I will keep track with a “Y” when that character trait was evident in that day and “N“when it isn’t.

Think about your internal dialog to yourself, and see if you can consciously see what you are feeding your mind. Your thoughts will turn in to actions, and actions determine your destiny. So, think wisely. Think positively.

AlphaWolf’s Characteristics Development (Docs)

Characteristics

1. Positive Mental Attitude
2. Loyalty
3. Accurate Thinking
4. DO IT NOW!
5. Learning from defeat
6. Strong Body Language
7. Budgeting time and money
8. Volunteering to help others
9. Faith in cosmic force
10. Authenticity
11. Adaptability
12. Value
13. Charisma
14. Humility
15. Health and Body

(Special points for those who know where this picture originally came from)

The Story of Fat Ben Affleck

One of my old diary entries, I thought it was insightful in describing the beginnings of my journey into Game:

July 2004 – I embarked on a journey from Ottawa, Canada to Stamford, CT to start my new life. I was going to be a Project Manager! Awesome! Excitement turned to stress, as I coped with the pressure to perform in management consulting and with senior partners as our firm. Many nights, R ((my then roommate and fellow Wharton graduate) and I would talk about how hard it could be, and where we would be in the future. My love life suffered. Although Stamford, thinking back had lot of out of college girls, I had no game! I remember hitting the bars and seeing lots of beautiful women, just waiting for us to talk to them. I regretted many of these incidents, though; I had no skills back then.

One day, one of R’s friends from NYC visited us. He was a good looking guy. As a matter of fact, he was a slightly “meaty” version of Ben Affleck. I was, being a hater, called him, “Fat Ben Affleck”. That was mean, because in all honesty, he was a good looking guy. On Friday, Ben (I forgot his real name) picked up probably one of the cutest girls I have ever seen at that time. She was very pretty, albeit a bit shy. I, like I was back then, in denial, “Oh, it must have been luck, she’s just hanging out with him for fun”. I remember Ben walking around the bar hitting on girls, while we were working the female co-workers.

And though I thought he was being stupid, a part of me wondered if I should be doing the same. This is when I started downloading and reading David DeAngelo’s Cocky and Funny. A lot of the inner game theory worked well, but most of it was too mainstream to get me a girlfriend.

The next night on Saturday, I decided to go to bed early. R, Ben, his girl and few other guys went out. Ben and his girl came back early, and I heard them kissing and eventually full-closing on the air mattress. Her moans were loud! And I could not sleep that night. This was a “spoon” moment in the Matrix. I didn’t think it was possible! How could such as seemingly nice girl give it up so quickly! At my apartment living room, at that! Wow! I couldn’t believe it, but that events sparked in me a desire to learn more, because realized how little I knew. My reality was just shattered, and I had a choice to make. I could continue to live in denial, or I could start building the foundation to do something about it. It was then where I started seeking out Serum, and planning my move to California.

Some morals to the story:
1. R was loyal, intelligent roommate. Without sex and female attention, I did few things I was not proud of, mainly, I was hater to him. It was my loss, because he was a good friend. Don’t be a hater like me.

2. Ben was one of the guys who did not care what we thought about him. For the first time in a very long time, I realized that I was once a hater. I was once the guy who was the “hater” – they guy that I now find annoying when he’s trying to hate on my game. This is a humbling experience. Also, I am so glad that happened to me, because it prompted me to make choice to confront my romantic reality.

3.I realized these days that a lot of guys live in DENIAL – that is, when I pick up girls or k-close on a cold approach, I see the old me in the guys I hang with who are not “PUAs”. They will make comments like, “Oh, she was just drunk!”.

4.If you are lucky, or you go out enough with guys that are good, you will come to a cross road: you see that ivy-educated, good girl who will fall for the lady’s man and fuck him like a dirty whore (when I say this, I don’t mean to insult women, rather, the ability of the seducer to bring out lustful, dirty side of women in general). And you have a choice to make. You can choose to make up denials and excuses for why the girl, the guy or situation turned out the way it did, or you can start your journey to figuring the truth about the true nature of men, women and human dynamics.

Don’t be in denial. “Free your mind, Neo”.

LL Cool J

Actually stands for “Ladies Love Cool James”. In his single, Loungin’ (Who Do You Love Remix) there were pieces of wisdom as it relates to pick up. See if you figure it out by listening to the lyrics again. It is story about a true player / ladies man knows how to please a woman. He doesn’t compensate for his other lack of qualities with money. The moral of the story? A woman needs love:

[LL Cool J]
Jew-als and Cristal gotta mack a phony style
He ain’t watchin you he rather watch his money pile
Can’t protect treasures when its in a glass house
Soon as he turn the corner I’ma turn that ass out
Full blown, frontin in the 6 wit the chrome
Yo B, why you leave your honey all alone wit me
Just because you blessed wit cash
doesn’t mean your honey won’t let me finesse that ass
So see the moral of the story is a woman need love
The kind you so-called players never dreamed of
You gotta try love, can’t buy love
If you play your hand then it’s bye-bye love

[Chorus]

[LL Cool J]
So what you got the cash flow and escro, damn
But your honey ran away like presto, ala-kazam
Man made the money, money never made the man
You still fakin jacks throwin rocks on her hand
See, you put your mack down now you Nino Brown
Rock roller wit’ so much ice your cap’s polar
I got em smokin beanies, modelin bikinis
Pushin ya whip on the freeway to see me
I keep it steamy, I make it burn when it’s my turn
Teachin shorty all the tools that you neva learned
Don’t get it twisted, gettin money ain’t wrong
But she wanna make love all night long, I’m gone

[Chorus]