Flow of the Game

One of my book reports back in my management consulting days focused around the book “Flow” by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (MC) Flow, according to MC is the mental state of operation in which the person is fully immersed in what he or she is doing, characterized by a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and success in the process of the activity. Many other terms and idioms exist for this mental state: to be on the ball, in the zone, or in the groove.

MC identifies the following as accompanying an experience of flow:

1.Clear goals (expectations and rules are discernible and goals are attainable and align appropriately with one’s skill set and abilities).
2.Concentrating and focusing, a high degree of concentration on a limited field (a person engaged in the activity will have the opportunity to focus and to delve deeply into it).
3.A loss of the feeling of self-consciousness, the merging of action and awareness.
4.Distorted sense of time, one’s subjective experience of time is altered.
5.Direct and immediate feedback (successes and failures in the course of the activity are apparent, so that behavior can be adjusted as needed).
6.Balance between ability level and challenge (the activity is neither too easy nor too difficult).
7.A sense of personal control over the situation or activity.
8.The activity is intrinsically rewarding, so there is an effortlessness of action.
9.People become absorbed in their activity, and focus of awareness is narrowed down to the activity itself, action awareness merging (Csikszentmihalyi, 1975. p.72).

Note that not all are needed for flow to be experienced. The night I picked up my last HB8 girlfriend, as well as other nights in the city, mostly, I felt the feeling of flow. Your ego tends to subside, and you just flow with the energy of the location, the people, and the overall flow of the game. These are the best nights, because not only do you learn a lot, your skills are equal to the challenges you are facing in the club during the pickup. In a sense, you’ve seduced yourself, the nice club, and the people, both men and women. This is hard feat, but when you’re in “flow”, it is a great feeling. As an athlete, I realized what “flow” feels like back in 2004, when I did book report. I remember in basketball games, when I should 3 pointers and before the ball hit the rim, I knew the shot was going in. I could see my opponents making a move before they made it. (My nickname was “Beijing Bomber” on the high school basketball team).

So I encourage you to start small, maybe talking to a few strangers. Juggler took the 3 guys in his “Size doesn’t matter” show to a old ladies Bingo game. Mystery had his students in The Pickup Artist tell little girls stories. Start small, build you skills, and you eventually be in situation where you have the competent skills to pickup the girl you want in a club environment.

PU and Marketing

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say,”I’m fantastic in bed” That’s Direct Marketing.

You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says,”He’s fantastic in bed” That’s Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say,”Hi, I’m fantastic in bed” That’s Telemarketing.

You’re at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say,”By the way, I’m fantastic in bed” That’s Public Relations.

You’re at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says,”I hear you’re fantastic in bed” That’s Brand Recognition.

You are at a random party and see a gorgeous girl. You seem to recognize her from somewhere but you can’t quite put your finger on it. As she approaches, she whispers your name, “This must be fate. Let’s do it again”. That’s Customer Loyalty.

The Economics of Gold Digging

The following story is currently making the rounds on the Internet. Follow the link to read the whole article:

Supposedly, a woman posted the following personal ad on Craigslist:

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25-year-old girl. I’m articulate and classy. I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least [a] half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a businessman who makes average around 200 – 250K. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000K won’t get me to Central Park West. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms.

- What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my feelings.

- Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the Upper East Side so plain? I’ve seen really “plain Jane” boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the East Village. What’s the story there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows — lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY.

Please hold your insults — I’m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t able to match them — in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

The Pickup Artist: Season 1

This season of the pickup artist introduces the mainstream to Mystery, a mentor we have known for quite some time now. Here are the episodes from breakthrough DivX site Stage6.

Mystery: “If all you say is ‘hi’, you win”

Episode 1 – Mystery Introduced
Episode 2 – There is no Spoon
Episode 3 – Pradeep
Episode 4 – The Kissing Practice
Episode 5 – The Bounce
Episode 6 – The Matador
VH1- Episode 7
VH1- Episode 8 Finale

What Women Want

http://men.msn.com/articlees.aspx?cp-documentid=702600&page=1

They like you in sneakers, they hate paisley, and you’d probably get more action if you dressed like a fireman. Here, the women staffers of Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, O, and Harper’s Bazaar dole out advice in our exclusive survey.

1. I prefer a man’s legs in:

A. Chinos 6.5%

B. Levi’s 80.6%

C. Suit pants 9.7%

D. Board shorts 3.2%

2. The most flattering color a man can wear is:

A. Blue 41.9%

B. Green 3.2%

C. Pink 12.9%

D. Whatever matches his eyes 35.5%

3. The sexiest thing a man can wear is:

A. A tuxedo 22.6%

B. Rugged jeans and a plain white T-shirt 67.7%

C. Those Marky Mark boxer-briefs 6.5%

D. A pair of tiny Italian swim trunks 3.2%

4. I like it when he smells like:

A. Nothing 58.1%

B. A sweaty fireman 6.5%

C. Citrusy cologne 16%

D. Scotch 19.4%

5. If I could change one thing about my man’s style, it would be:

A. I’d make him spend more than fifteen bucks on a haircut 25.8%

B. I’d teach him the subtleties of wearing or not wearing cologne 3.2%

C. I’d give away his double-pleated pants and buy him flat fronts 35.5%

D. His shoes. Oh, my God, his shoes. 25.8%

6. When I see a guy in sandals, I think:

A. A simple flip-flop will do 61.3%

B. He’s coming nowhere near my uterus 6.5%

C. He has sexy toes. I want to see ‘em. 6.5%

D. Sandals haven’t looked sexy on a man since they were worn by the
Son of God 25.7%

7. My favorite thing to borrow from my man is:

A. His worn-out button-down shirt 45.2%

B. His underwear 6.5%

C. His robe 12.9%

D. His State U. sweatshirt 32.3%

8. The most common male fashion crime I witness on a regular basis is:

A. Athletic socks worn with dress shoes 25.8%

B. Pants that are too short 32.3%

C. Grossly miscalculated uses of pattern 12.9%

D. A suit that’s way too big 25.8%

9. A man who dresses better than me:

A. Would probably use all my expensive hair products 12.9%

B. Is my hero 16.1%

C. Yeah, right. Do you know who you’re talking to? 19.4%

D. Is generally not interested in dating my gender 51.6%

10. My man looks best in:

A. Sneakers 35.5%

B. Boots 32.3%

C. Suede bucks 6.5%

D. A shiny pair of dress shoes 19.4%

11. I like it best when he comes to bed wearing:

A. Those flannel pajamas with the big buttons 3.2%

B. Just boxers 67.7%

C. Just socks 0%

D. Nothing at all 29%

12. I like his jeans to fit:

A. Like John Travolta’s in Urban Cowboy 3.2%

B. Like Brad Pitt’s in Thelma and Louise 83.9%

C. Like Jay-Z’s onstage 3.2%

D. Like Huck Finn’s in The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn 3.2%

13. The acceptable dollar amount for a man to spend on a haircut is:

A. $15 29%

B. $50 41.9%

C. $100 22.6%

D. $0; I’m good with a pair of shears 6.5%

14. My favorite kind of suit on a man is a:

A. Two-button 32.3%

B. Three-button 51.6%

C. Double-breasted 9.7%

D. Sailor’s suit 3.2%

15. My favorite type of men’s shirt is:

A. A dress shirt with French cuffs 41.9%

B. A knit, short-sleeved polo shirt 12.9%

C. A plain white tee 42%

D. A taut, ribbed tank top that shows off his guns 3.2%

16. My favorite pattern for a man’s tie is:

A. Paisley 6.5%

B. Collegiate stripe 16.1%

C. Plain, with texture 71%

D. The ones with all those cute little sailboats on ‘em 3.2%

17. My favorite man in uniform is:

A. Naval officer 35.5%

B. Policeman 9.7%

C. Fireman 51.6%

D. My UPS guy 3.2%

18. If my man asked me to pick one style icon for him to emulate, I would pick:

A. Johnny Depp 25.8%

B. George Clooney 61.3%

C. Tom Wolfe 0%

D. Kanye West 9.7%

19. An average man becomes instantly bed-worthy when:

A. He displays finely manicured hands 6.5%

B. He wears an impeccably detailed dress shirt 22.6%

C. He dons a tuxedo 29%

D. He just doesn’t give a damn 32.3%

20. A man should dress for:

A. His mom 0%

B. His boss 3.2%

C. Me 35.5%

D. Himself 61.3%

Most Disturbing Advice on Jeans:

“Above all, you’ve got to buy your jeans tight, guys, knowing they’ll stretch. Jeans that are too big are, in my opinion, men’s number-one fashion mistake.” -Lauren Gard, Marie Claire

Most Welcome Advice on Scent:

“All men have their own scent-whether it be cigarettes and river water or the Old Spice aftershave that his mom buys him-and if they’re sexy, then their smell is sexy.” -Polly Brewster, O