Dating 9s and 10s: Part 4

There were a couple of things I learned from attending San Diego’s Fashion Week and I am going to add this as part of the “Dating 9s and 10s” series. Here are my notes post event.

For those of you that don’t know, SD Fashion Week started a year ago with 12 designers in 2012. 3 appeared on the NY fashion week runway, and this year we are featuring 26 designers. While an emerging market, the fashion week staff has done a great job publicizing and marketing San Diego as the “emerging designer” city for fashion.

I met a lot of artists, designers, models, agency owners and other auxiliary services that cater to the whole fashion industry.

sd fashion week

Picture from

Lessons Learned:

  1. There are SO many people who are better than me as professional “artists”. They have crafted their image, and know how to convey their personality in just ONE look.
  2. Trying to “Game” models reminded me of what it was like to be on equal footing with all the other guys and NOT have automated attraction based on my style, image or height. Basically, I experienced what it was like as as normal dude without any style because at the shows, everyone had amazing style. While the whole point of Seduce With Style was to help guys get a leg up with their image at the first “look”, if everyone is styled out you basically have to start from zero.
  3. Don’t settle – a lot of people do. There’s also this social conception that when you get married, you become LAME and boring. There were plenty of people who still have fun doing what they do, kids or no kids, and you can still feel the excitement and adrenaline rush of doing something great. Don’t give up on this, ever.
  4. Model girls are a group of randomly chosen models from different cities. Some of them live here in SD, others in LA. They are just like any other random group of demographics. There’s the nice shy girl, the party girl, and others. None of them were stereotyped other than the fact that they were tall, and had very distinct features. So from that perspective you can’t just have one method of type of “game” with model girls, since they are all human beings and you have to look at their psycho-graphics instead of their physical attributes.
  5. Exceptionally beautiful “party girl” models have a short attention span. They will float around like butterflies and because of the lack of single guys at this event, wait for things to happen or randomly do things that spike their emotion. “Oh my god! You’re so beautiful! [Kiss Kiss]”. I saw a male model who used negs really well (not sure if he knew what he was doing). One of the really beautiful blonde models I was talking to professional, he just came in and said, “yeah whatever your’e so stupid” and she started laughing and punching him. I learned later that they met at the show and I was impressed – that was a perfectly executed neg! In a way he saw her for the dork that she really was behind that beautiful makeup and dress.
  6. The SD girl models were not stuck up and the environment was 80% girls, 20% guys, and half the guys are gay. So for the most part they won’t assume you have low value unless you assume it, or that you assume her as high value (on a pedestal). Or in a way, gaming a model or 9 and 10 is the ultimate test of your own perceived self worth. Will you flinch and cringe and put her on a pedestal? Or are you man enough and confident enough to treat her as your equal, and let her personality reveal the other parts of who she is? The more you interact with 9s and 10s, the less your facial expressions will flinch when you look at them. It is natural for a guy who’s not used to exceptionally beautiful women to stare or to have the facial expression of “wonder” when he looks at a beautifully symmetrical face. So in a way, our evolution has made guys who are already around beautiful women more cool and collected around them.
  7. The guy models I met were cool dudes. They’re just naturally charismatic and easy going. Who wouldn’t be, if everyone treated you like a king? Again, guy models behave based on who they are inside, not their looks. Some guys are cool, some are insecure. The ones I met were pretty cool and friendly.
  8. To be in the business, most people have to have a passion for it. This is the arts here. People that just want to be famous usually don’t make it, because the motivation is not intrinsic. The designers I met all put their lives on the line to start their own clothing lines or boutiques, and that takes balls. They are the same as the tech entrepreneurs that put their money on the line to start something great. To that, they deserve great respect.
  9. There’s a different between emotion and mood. Emotion is a biological response to a stimulus. Anger, Rage, Jealousy from finding a loved one cheating. That’s emotion. Hard to control, unless with constant disciplined practice. Mood is your general temperament and can last a couple of days. Psychologist Pauk Ekman (Lie To Me) said moods are useless and wishes he didn’t have them. A mood makes you more prone to a disposition or emotion over a longer period of time. The mood of fashion events is generally festive and exciting, so you need to communicate on that frequency.
  10. Communication frequencies – the girl models, right after a show are on a different communication frequently that screams high emotions and excitement. So, if you talk to them like a normal day game scenario they will get bored or jump on to the next person who’s congratulating them. So be up-beat, join the movement, and sync into the energy of the venue, and congratulate them specifically on something about their attire, walk, or overall demeanor.
  11. Party Model Girl Frequency – High energy, high pitch, quick DHVs, Neg a bit, energy momentum needs to be constantly moving.
  12. Good Girl Frequency – High energy after show, congratulations, authenticity and sincerity, humour
  13. Young Girl Frequency – More toned down, easy words, authenticity, and guiding hand philosophy
  14. Mature Model Frequency – this is the girl who’s been in the industry for some time and is less excited than the new girl or party girl model- High momentum, same as the party girl but with less elasticity. So less intense emotional spikes and negs
  15. Russell brand does this extremely well. He calibrates his communication frequency to the venue. In a Charlie Rose interview, he was more introspective and lower toned. In his quick TV appearances, he’s loud, exciting and more “performance” Russell.

Russell on a more serious communication frequency (still with humor tied in):

Russell on a more animated, fun communication frequency:

Russell Brand on a new channel where they didn’t know what they were doing, and he was calibrating to his audience:

16. When you are at a conference or some sort of convention that meets for more than 3+ days, on the 3rd day, if you are spending at least 3+ hours (maybe more), you start changing and identifying with the organization. This happened to me after the 3rd day. I started identifying myself with the show and representing the show. People who showed up one day sometimes didn’t come back, but the ones that came back 2-3 times, ending up coming back on days 4-6. A certain “tipping point” hits with one’s commitment  to a particular organization or event whereby that event or issue becomes part of that person’s identity.

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  • Comments

    4 Responses to “Dating 9s and 10s: Part 4”
    1. I would never try to game a model for the reason you mentioned of short-attention span. And I feel that they're personally overrated. Reminds me of the stripper GF crap of lots of dating coaches in the community who put strippers on pedestals. A stripper is the last girl I'd date just as a model.

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