Do Your Looks Really Matter?
A well thought out answer I once heard from a master is that “looks matter to the same extent that strength matters in martial arts…”
Think about that for a second…
Does strength matter in fighting?
Absolutely. But, is it the only thing that matters?
Neo vs. Morpheus fight:
Strength is only one dimension of fighting. Balance, technique, mental strength, and reading the opponent to use his weight against him all count in the fight for the win. As such, looks is important as one variable of game, but certainly it is not the only thing that matters. For new guys, looks matter a lot, just like fighters who are untrained, strength is important. For masters, it is simply one of the variables to consider. The master is far more concerned about the overall understanding of the game and the opponent.
My personal opinion on this matter aside (I think it absolutely does), it is important to take care of your looks. Without getting into debate about this, I am going to explore the 8 areas of looks that general get skipped over in seduction material in this email.The main areas that men can worry about their physical looks falls into these 8 categories:
1. Your Teeth
Dental work sucks. I know. But it makes all the difference in the world. If you had a nicer smile, would you smile more?
The good news is that now there is a range of dental procedures that can dramatically improve your smile. When I was in high school at 16 I had large front teeth pointing forward and I would get called nicknames like Bugs Bunny and Rat. (Bullies are so mean aren’t they)
I begged my parents to get braces and they did not relent. In the end my resolve was greater than theirs, as I kept on nagging and nagging until mom and dad gave in. I am glad I did because I have had great teeth ever since. In addition to braces, there’s now invis-align, which allows you the benefits of re-alignment without the bad look of metal. It has even become my pickup line, “hey, can you tell I’m wearing braces right now?” and “I wonder what it is like to kiss someone with braces on”.
If you have naturally bad colored teeth, or small teeth, dental veneers and bridges can do amazing work. Lumineers is a company that does this in the US. They basically redesign your teeth with material and my dentist tells me that most of the Hollywood stars have veneers. Keep in mind that veneers are mostly cosmetic, while braces can have functional benefits to your bite and cavities as well.
Most aspiring PUAs I see are concerned because they have slightly crooked teeth or that they are discolored. I would advise to invest in your smile but this does not mean spending thousands on implants and veneers. Often just having your teeth professional cleaned or even whitened can have a dramatic affect on your confidence. When you smile and are proud to show your teeth it does improve your confidence.
Personally I have a lot of hair, but I have friends who have issues with this. Traditionally, men and women associate hair with masculinity, health and attractiveness. Losing your hair can cause massive amount of stress and is often ranked highly in our greatest fears. All I can say is that if hair transplants work for you, great. Look into the medical options that are available. I have a half white half Japanese friend who always shaves his hair down to 1-2cm. It looks almost shaved but still has some length to it. He gets a lot of girls. Probably because he’s really good looking, but also, he told me that if hair grows out long he becomes nappy and curly. I have seen guys get opened and get compliments from a well shaved and tanned head with earrings.
Hair is also different based on ethnicity. Asian men have thicker hair and cannot always pull off the slick European look that comes from white guys with thinner hair. There’s a procedure called Japanese hair straightening that does this (think Julianne Moore) and also chemical relaxers do the trick. If you’ve never had straight hair, it feels awesome and allows you more flexibility in your styling. I always get questions on hair color, and there are studies that show that all things being equal, people find varying colors in hair and eye color more attractive. This may be related to genetic variation and its statistical correlation with disease immunity. As such if you have the same color eyes and hair I would recommend trying a new look. Blonde or dark brown streaks look great on black hair, and there are also color lenses you can use from Acuvue. These days I get opened by girls who ask me if I am mixed, but I am in fact Chinese. I find it interesting that the Asian media tends to focus on European-izing Asian looks as “attractive”. This is the game we have to play. Don’t come across as too metrosexual, however.
3. Your Body Hair
I see a lot of guys and girls with arm hair that’s way too long. It is a automatic disqualification with some girls so get a razor or a shaver and shave it down. There’s nothing more disappointing than an otherwise hot chick with gross arm hair. The same applies to guys. I see guys with really long leg hair too and I know many of my girlfriends find this a huge turn off. If you have a lot of chest / back hair, get it waxed or get a razor and regularly have it trimmed. Armpit, neck and back hair applies. Nose hair applies here too. No doubt, we prefer women with shaved pubic hair and the same should apply for guys. At least trim your pubic hair for cleanliness. Plus, it makes your “general” look way bigger.
4. Your Skin
Having bad skin can seriously lower your self confidence big time. As we grow older we tend to have less acne issues (although some people do still suffer) and instead we have the scars that acne left behind. Maybe you have a birth mark or some other scars from previous incidents.
There are procedures these days that correct acne scars, from laser surgery to re-surfacing techniques. Expensive, but may be worth it. I would stay away from Accutane unless absolutely necessary, as many claim that it permanently increases depression, which obviously is bad for game. The thing to remember when it comes to skin is – do not give up. Everyone’s skin is different, and you keep to keep at it and keep trying new things in a methodical, measurable manner until something works. Don’t leave such an important thing up to chance!
Moles – so, with the exception Enrique Iglesias, most moles on men are ugly, especially on their face. I had a mole on my top right lip and moms always told me that it was a fortunate thing, which means I will always have food to eat. However, since I got it removed, I had so much more success with girls. It is just one of those things that stick out and is really, really hard to ignore. Women get away with “beauty marks”, but we don’t. Sorry.
5. Your Weight
In the media we are constantly bombarded with near-perfect bodies with perfect abs and toned arms. The dieting industry is built on fantasy projection and often times this is an unrealistic portrayal of the average human body. Liposuction and gastric bands are increasing in popularity not just with women but men as well.
A very common misconception that men have is that once they get a good body, they will somehow magically be able to get girls. Just because you lose weight/gain muscle it might give you a little more confidence, but you will still be the same person underneath. Your personality is far more important than your body, often people simply want to paper over the cracks instead of dealing with the real problems.
I am really tall and somewhat skinny and I can tell you, I’ve been rejected by girls and they will say, “you’re too skinny for me”. I also get girls who love skinny, tall men. There are the percentage of girls who are attracted to guido, steroid ripped guys. My point is, you don’t have to be a male model. However, going to the gym increases endorphins, and is generally a very positive thing to do. Focus on your body, but don’t make it the central point and make it an EXCUSE to not improve your game.
6. Your Height
I’m lucky because I am 6’3 and have always been tall. I hear shorter friends always tell me “You’re so lucky I wish I was tall”. Maybe I take it for granted. Unfortunately there is not much to do here. Asian parents feed their kids super supplements in hopes that they grow taller. Aside from leg surgery (where they break up your bones and extend them), other short term solutions include wearing boots of really high platform shoes, which Neil Strauss does.
You do have some long term options, leg lengthening surgery being one. Are women attracted to taller guys? Well the statistics say that they are. Does this mean that shorter guys can not get hot girls? Your height is not the issue, it is how you feel about it that is. Trading the ability to walk for being taller would be a critical mistake, in my opinion.
7. “Unattractive” Features
Unattractive features is my nice way of saying ugly. Big ears, uneven or big nose, really small and narrow eyes. You know the deal. Some people are born beautiful, some people are born… with a face only their mothers can love. Life isn’t fair, sorry buddy. The good news is that we now live in a society where cosmetic surgery has advanced drastically.
If you believe that you are “ugly”, you can become “Ok” looking and if you are “ok” looking, you can become very good looking through cosmetic enhancement. I do believe that plastic surgery is worth looking into, if something is bothering a lot or if you would just like to enhance a certain feature. That being said, the reasons you choose to do it makes a huge different in the kind of person you are. Are you doing it for other people, or are you doing it for yourself? Are you slightly bummed about your features, or are you on the verge of total depression if you do not get this fixed? Getting surgery will not be the end of you problems, much like getting a girlfriend will not either. So many guys think that “if only I had a smaller nose!” I would do so much better in life! When in fact, the only reason they are not doing better is the power they take away from themselves through their own thoughts.
I once met a guy who has cosmetic surgery and he was talking about how the girls told him he was too ugly for them. He happened to be dating really judgmental Asian girls. He was actually a bit fat and I asked him why he’s not working out? He didn’t have a good answer for that. As I talked to him I realized that he said he wished he looked like me without surgery and the longer I spent with him the more I realized that was wasn’t so much to do with his looks but rather, his very thoughts about himself. The problem wasn’t in his face, it was his personality. However for him, he believed it so much to be the truth because of these mean and judgmental Asian girls that after he got the surgery he started getting results because he believed that that was the only reason he wasn’t getting them. You and only you have the power to give yourself the power and permission to be great, through the medium of your thoughts.
8. Your Sense of Style
A person’s dress and style can drastically change their appearance. Having a good sense of style not only raises your confidence but also the way other people perceive and treat you.
How you dress says a lot about you and it is also the one domain where we have the most control. While peacocking is great, dressing well is not about having attention because of flashy headgear and labels, but dressing to be AUTOMATICALLY attractive to the type of girls you like.
A classy girl may not find the hip hop urban look appealing. Similarly, if you are trying to game a goth/emo girl, a nice corporate suit with a skinny tie may not do it for her.People make snap judgement about you based on your style and body language. I have found that girls have a different rating system than men do. Men rate girls on a 1-10 scale whereas women tend to just have “yes” and “no” categories. Being in her “yes” category just means that you have a shot at the game. Women pay much more attention to men when it comes to clothes as this says a lot about the person, his wealth, his status, and his understanding of social cues. When a man looks at a hot girl however, he will be focusing more on her body than what she is actually wearing. Women have caught onto this, and have tailored specific fashion styles to enhance their attributes: high heels, push up bra, makeup, chubby girls dressing in one pieces that make them appear slimmer than they actually are. You get the point.
Apart from how people judge you, how you dress has big psychological on yourself based on your own perception of yourself. Also, when you look good you feel good, and when you feel good it is much easier to interact with people. When you know you are dressed well it does give you a certain sense of confidence and a swagger in your step. Remember that dressing well doesn’t mean you have to be outrageous, just that you have put a bit of time and effort into your look. My hair stylist told me, “hairstyle is an art. Appreciate it and respect it”, I never forgot this piece of advice from her.
I’ll add one more in here at this point:
9. Understanding your personal natural avatars. This is a big issue for a lot of minority players in the US especially when it comes down to race. Some avatars are more natural than others, and you can use them to you advantage. For example, Asian guys don’t always have to conform to the “big muscle, frat looking” type in the states.
There are others, like the JPop rocker or even the business casual guy. Mexican are not all dancers, and there are many Latin men who exemplify sexiness outside of just salsa and gangsters along the border.
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