How to Deal with Envy and Jealousy (The Green Eyed Monster)
I want to take a moment and talk about the element of jealousy in game and finances because it is an important part of human nature and if left untamed, can garnish many of your most finest moments. It is a natural human feeling. We have all felt it at one point or another, as kids or even as adults. Have you had a sibling come into the family, and you felt jealous that your mother’s time was not divided between 2 or more kids? Jealousy can have its uses in human psychology, however, like anything else, when taken too far. The Greek mythology describes envy and jealous as the green on eyed serpent that can strike you at any time.
Jealousy vs. Envy
Jealousy is a natural biological response to the fear of losing something, usually an emotional connection to someone else. Love is naturally jealous, if you love someone, you will be jealous if they give their love to another. Jealousy can be useful in providing the correct emotional response to a lover who may have strayed, or is thinking of straying. Jealousy can be unconscious. For example, many stories, including my own, have exemplified a feeling of a fear of loss or caring of someone at a particular moment. Perhaps a girlfriend calling her boyfriend when suddenly she just becomes very worried for no apparent logical reason. Often times the girlfriend or boyfriend is seeing someone else. Jealousy therefore has its place in relationships.
Insecure individuals bask in jealousy, as their fear of loss if often accompanied by unjustified jealousy over a loved one, or over protection. These feelings usually originate from childhood days, although life experiences can drastically alter feelings of jealousy. People that are jealous usually are afraid of losing out on an opportunity, or fearing the loss of something they may already have.
Katt Williams on Haters:
Envy is the hateful admiration of others fortunes, AKA “Unhappy admiration”. It is one of the human emotions that is even described as one of the primary sins. Envy is the feeling of inferiority or hate when someone else garners something that we want. Have you ever heard of great pick up story from a friend? Even though you want to be happy for him, the feeling that hits you first is one of envy? I am guilty of this myself. Envy is one of those few emotions that people don’t admit feeling. This can be a natural reaction. Similarly, as PUAs, we are trained to respond to good things in kind, because we knew that having an abundance mentality gives us benefits others don’t have.
But I still remember back in the day as a AFC, when I hated on Fat Ben Affleck. I was being a hater because I didn’t understand the true nature of female and male sexuality and attraction.
If you are feeling that others are jealous or envy of you, here are 2 passages of “Transgressions of the Law: Never Appear Too Perfect” from 48 Laws of Power that helped me tremendously:
“Joe Orton and Kenneth Halliwell met at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts, both of them enrolled as acting students.
After graduating, Halliwell’s inheritence was engough to keep them from having to find work for a few years, and in the beginning, he was also the driving force behind the stories and novels they wrote. Their first efforts attracted some interest from literary agents, but it sputtered. Eventually the inhereitence money ran out, and the pair had to look for work. Their collaborations were less enthusiastic and less frequent. The future looked bleak.
In 1957 Orton began to write on his own, but it wasn’t until five years laster, when the lovers were jailed for six months for feacing dozens of library books, that he began to find his voice (perhaps not by chance: This was the first time he and Halliwell had been separated in nine years).
In 1964 Joe Orton completed his first full-length play. Entertaining Mr. Sloane. The play made it to London’s West End, where it received brilliant reviews: A great new writer had merged from nowhere. Now success followed success, at a dizzying pace.
Everything was pointing upwards, everything except Orton’s relationship with Kenneth Halliwell. The pair still lived together, but as Orton grew successful, Halliwell began to deteriorate… At a party or among friends, people would naturally gravitate towards Orton – he was charming, and his mood was almost always buoyant. Unlike the handsome Orton, Halliwell was bald and awkward;l his defensiveness made people want to avoid him.
Halliwell outwardly seemed as happy as Orton. Inwardly, though, he was seething. And two months later, in the early morning of August 10, 1967, just days after helping Orton put the finishing touches to the wicked farce What the Butler Saw (undoubtedly his masterpiece), Kenneth Halliwell bludgeoned Joe Orton to death with repeated blows of a hammer to the head. He then took twenty-one sleeping pills and died himself, leaivng hind a note that read, “If you read Orton’s diary all will be explained.”
Robert Greene continues…
“Kenneth Halliwell had tried to case his deterioration as mental illness, but what Joe Orton’s diaries revealed to him was the truth: It was envy, pure and simple, that lay at the heart of his sickness.The diaries made clear Halliwell’s bitterness over Orton’s success….
Only a minority can succeed at the game of life, and that minority inevitably aourses the envy of those around them. Once success happens your way, however, the people to fear the most are those in your own circle, the friends and acquinstances you have left behind.Feelings of inferiority gnaw at them… Envy, which the philosopher Kierkegaard calls “unhappy admiration”, takes hold. You may not see it but you will feel it someday – unless, that is, you learn strategies of deflection, little sacrifices to the gods of success. Either dampen you brilliance occasionally, purposefully revealing a defect, weakness, or anxiety, or attributing your success to luck; or simply find yourself new friends. Never underestimate the power of envy.”
Another story that illustrates envy in its most tragic form:
Sir Walter Raleigh was one of the most brilliant men at the source of Queen Elizabeth of England. He had skills as a scientist, wrote poetry still recognized as among the most beautiful writing of the time, was a proven leader of men, an enterprising entrepreneur, a great sea captain, and on top of all this was a handsome, dashing courtier who charmed his way into becoming one of the queen’s favorites. Wherever he went, however, people blocked his path. Eventually he suffered a terrific fall from grace, leading even to prison and finally the executioner’s axe.
Raleigh could not understand the stubborn opposition he faced from the other courtiers. He did not see that he had not only made no attempt to disguide the degree of his skills and qualities, he had imposed them on one and all, making a show of his versatility, thinking it impressed poeple and won him friends. In fact it made him silent enemies, people who felt inferior to him and did all they could to ruin him the moment he tripped up or made the slightest mistake. In the end, the reason he was executed was treason, but envy will use any cover it finds to mask its destructiveness.
The envy elicited by Sir Walter Raleigh is the worse kind: It was inspired by his natural talent and grace, which he felt was best displayed in its full flower.
I did some additional research, and found that sir Raleigh actually lead a pretty admirable life. His accomplishments were envied by those around him, trying to win the Queen and court’s favor:
“Royal favour with Queen Elizabeth had been restored by this time but did not last. The Queen died in 1603, and Raleigh was arrested at Exeter Inn, Ashburton, Devon and imprisoned in the Tower of London on 19 July. On 17 November, Raleigh was tried in the converted Great Hall of Winchester Castle for treason, due to alleged involvement in the Main Plot against King James.
Raleigh conducted his defence with great skill. The chief evidence against Raleigh was the signed and sworn confession of Henry Brooke, 11th Baron Cobham. Raleigh frequently requested that Cobham be called in to testify so that he might recant, “[Let] my accuser come face to face, and be deposed. Were the case but for a small copyhold, you would have witnesses or good proof to lead the jury to a verdict; and I am here for my life!” Raleigh essentially was objecting that the evidence against him was “hearsay“; but the tribunal refused to allow Cobham to testify and be cross examined (1 Criminal Trials 400, 400-511, 1850). Although hearsay was frowned upon under the common law, Raleigh was tried under civil law, which allowed hearsay. King James spared his life, despite a guilty verdict.
He remained in the Tower until 1616. While imprisoned, he wrote many treatises and the first volume of The Historie of the World(London, 1628) about the ancient history of Greece and Rome. His son Carew was conceived and born (1604) while Raleigh was imprisoned in the Tower.
In 1616, Raleigh was released to conduct a second expedition to Venezuela in search of El Dorado. During the expedition, Raleigh’s men, under the command of Lawrence Keymis, attacked the Spanish outpost of Santo Tomé de Guayana (San Tomé) on the Orinoco River. In the initial attack on the settlement, Raleigh’s son Walter was killed by a bullet. On Raleigh’s return to England, the outraged Count Gondomar, the Spanish ambassador, successfully demanded that King James reinstate Raleigh’s death sentence. Raleigh was brought to London from Plymouth, by Sir Lewis Stukeley, and passed up numerous opportunities to make an effective escape.
Raleigh just before being beheaded – an illustration from c. 1860
Raleigh was beheaded in the Old Palace Yard at the Palace of Westminster on 29 October 1618. “Let us dispatch”, he said to his executioner. “At this hour my ague comes upon me. I would not have my enemies think I quaked from fear.” After he was allowed to see the axe that would behead him, he mused: “This is a sharp Medicine, but it is a Physician for all diseases and miseries.” According to many biographers – Raleigh Trevelyan in his book Sir Walter Raleigh (2002) for instance – Sir Walter’s final words (as he lay ready for the axe to fall) were: “Strike, man, strike!”
Raleigh’s head was embalmed and presented to his wife. His body was to be buried in the local church in Beddington, Surrey, the home of Lady Raleigh, but was finally laid to rest in St. Margaret’s, Westminster, where his tomb may still be visited today. “The Lords”, she wrote, “have given me his dead body, though they have denied me his life. God hold me in my wits.” It has been said that Lady Raleigh kept her husband’s head in a velvet bag until her death. After his wife’s death 29 years later, Raleigh’s head was returned to his tomb and interred at St. Margaret’s Church.
Although Raleigh’s popularity had waned considerably since his Elizabethan heyday, his execution was seen by many, both at the time and since, as unnecessary and unjust. Any involvement in the Main Plot appears to have been limited to a meeting with Lord Cobham. One of the judges at his trial later said: “[T]he justice of England has never been so degraded and injured as by the condemnation of the honourable Sir Walter Raleigh.
Lewis Stukley was the main opponent of Sir Raleigh, and as you see, those who let envy nurture in their hearts are eventually eaten alive from within. Nonetheless, the vipers take out a few lives and ruin others in their wake to seek purification from their envy. Writes Wikipedia:
John Chamberlain wrote to Sir Dudley Carleton at the end of 1618, reporting Stukley’s reputation as a betrayer, and reporting the “Judas” epithet.In January 1619 Stukley and his son were charged with clipping coin, on slender evidence from a servant who had formerly been employed as a spy on Ralegh. The coins were £500 in gold, a payment for his expenses in dealing with Ralegh, and regarded as blood money as reported by Thomas Lorkyn writing to Sir Thomas Puckering in early 1619 (N.S.)…
The king pardoned him; but popular hatred pursued him to Affeton, and he fled to the island of Lundy, where he died in the course of 1620, raving mad it was rumored
Understanding The Envy Timeline: whenever you sense a action that was motivated by envy, this person probably had mentally conditioned himself or herself much earlier. Events that go back years can be recalled to feed this very moment.
Each time you brag, the snake grows a little bigger. Each time you may seem careless of the other person’s feelings and magnify your own, the snake grows a little bigger. “Envy is a weed that must not be watered”, says Cosimo Giovanni, one of the greatest princes according to Niccolo Machiavelli.
So, if a friend starts insulting you in front of girls out of nowhere, do not blame him for that night. Backtrack your experience with him from the start. Often times, the problem lay beforehand.
In pickup, the problems are also derived from an earlier phase. For example, if a day 2 does not go as planned, it is possible you messed up your phone / text game. If a phone number flakes, there is a high probability that the initial interaction needed some work.
If you see the green eye monster, do not feed it food. Cloak yourself in humility, and stop talking about your pick up victories. Instead, focus on things you did wrong or could improve upon. No one needs to know each field report or lay. Quietly work on your own craft and perfect it, so that you can build the social circle that includes people who were raised to admire and respect those with natural grace and talent. If your talent is indeed so great, your improvement so drastic, share your wealth or girls with those around you. And if envy grows too strong, distance yourself from those who admire with unhappiness. Do not make the mistake Joe Orton did and nurture a green viper so close to your home. It may strike you in your weakest moment.
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