How to Kill AA (Approach Anxiety)

 GFT_cover_46_by_Dominic_Marco

One of the biggest challenges in game is getting over approach anxiety.We all feel it. A fear. An invisible wall that tells us, “it’s not right to talk to strangers”.

So, when we’re out in public, we hold it in, our pride and our ego, caging the “id” inside and not allowing our desires to be fulfilled. We think that this will make us happy because we retained our “value” and didn’t embarrass ourselves in the act.

You go home, and then you start feeling regretful – what didn’t I approach that girl? That girl, in the yellow dress. She looked so beautiful. She looked like “the one”. Month after month, year after year, this feeling of inadequacy draws upon your mental energy.

Finally, one day, you decide to do something about it. You go and approach the girl. 20 minutes allows you to summon up all the courage you have, and you walk up. You’re nervous, but she’s nice. She compliments you for approaching her, and says thanks, “but I have a boyfriend.”. Oh, you feel a bit hurt, and also relieved. At least you did it, and you’re still alive! You feel better. Question is: can you do it again?

Today, I want to talk about how to kill AA. A technique that has worked wonders for me. Logically, I understand AA’s original function within a tribe, which has zero value for us today, for 99% of our social interactions. I also know that we are ultimately driven by our emotions, and not logic. Thus, I do a visualization technique.

I personify AA. I imagine I am one of my favorite characters in a movie, or a comic book, and AA is my arch-enemy. Like Batman and the Joker. AA is there. He’s there to stop me from fulfilling my deepest desires. And thus, I must slay him. Quickly, before he manifests into paralyzing fear.

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Cable: I've killed him before, I can kill him again

They key to killing AA is to go for the kill shot. Do it quickly, because the irrational grows over time. If you’ve hit him with a shot, keep hitting it. Keep the momentum going. Keep approaching sets. Eventually, you’ll hit your stride in bullet time.

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Just the act of opening alone can change your fate. I have seen newbies with no game open girls who just happened to like them. They wanted to talk to him, but as girls thought they were supposed to wait for the guy to approach.

Never discount the ability to love and make human connections. If you have do, use negative reinforcement to annihilate your AA. Kill him quickly, so that you can be happy and enjoy the rest of your night.

 

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