But I feel ugly…

Feeling fugly? Don’t worry. Some of the best looking people feel this way from time to time. Including yours truly. You are not alone on this one. 🙂

In all honesty, I’m no model material. But I’ve always been told I was good looking since I was a little kid. Looking back at family pictures, I would constitute myself a 9/10 as a kid. As I grew older my ears got a little bit bigger, and so did my nose and I would rate myself as a 7/8 out of 10 as an adult. Still pretty good and above average on the population totem poll, but not enough to have girls jump all over me by default.

Below was an entry I found from my diary:

Monday, July 14, 2008

This morning I woke up, and I took a picture in the mirror to record the progression of acne on my face. To my surprise, the new skin that grew from Alexandra’s microdermabrasion looked pretty good. However, I was getting breakouts more on my neck as the acne spread downwards.

As I looked at my pictures, I suddenly felt that I was very ugly. The picture looked ugly to me. I looked ugly to me. And then I started this pattern of thought, criticizing my looks. My un-proportional and big ears, my round nose, my squinty eyes (I’ve always thought my eyes looked good). It made my day pretty awful as I navigated these thoughts. Right now, I just don’t take good pictures. The image I see in the mirror ends up being worse on camera. Also, I do want to change the way I look.

You see where this thread is going, right? It was bad day, and a day where a over-concentration of my physical looks affected my mental state.

As I searched for answers I found some insights from unusual forums. Here is a girl asking the same question on the Yahoo! Answers thread:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071202080317AADz8MB

I found a very interesting and long thread on e Health Forum:

http://ehealthforum.com/health/topic108234.html

As I was reading this thread, something hit me pretty hard. One of the users wrote:

for those of you who think you are ugly, think about all those people who are blind, deaf, missing a limb, living in poverty, or otherwise physically deficient. You owe it to them to make the best of your situation, which is, in most cases, an unhealthy mental perspective of an otherwise beautiful image.

This got me to snap out of it and enjoy the rest of my week. However, the thoughts came back, and it is a constant struggle. I have come to realize that because growing up, a large foundation of my confidence was rooted in social feedback of my good looks, that when this image started cracking and I received negative feedback of it as an adult, that I lost a large part of my confidence. Thus I came to understand that core confidence must be rooted in something that is deeper than just looks alone.

The pickup community doesn’t focus enough on looks. I say this because it is very commercialized and the marketers have an agenda to make people believe that game alone, with bad looks can help you get laid. While I value game wholeheatedly, I have come to the following conclusions. I welcome any challenges and opposing thoughts on this:

  1. Tyler Durden says in the Blueprint that a good looking guy will get laid without game. He will get the “gimmes” of girls that have decided that want to get laid. He mentioned that less good looking guys work harder and longer, to get their game streamlined. Oftentimes, it is not their looks per se, but the limiting beliefs that come with their looks that they need to overcome. I agree with all of his points. But in his conclusion of looks, I couldn’t help but wonder: if 2 guys, one being good looking, and the other average, put the same amount of effort into game, wouldn’t the better looking guy, assuming equal levels of game, have more success with women? Wouldn’t the better looking guy have more “potential”? Wouldn’t the better looking guy receive more positive social feedback growing up, and in other areas of life? We have all seem studies of men with higher salaries the taller they get (executive studies) and better looking babies receiving better treatment from their mothers.
  2. I give Lovedrop credit in “Revelations” when he says, “Looks are important. But this book is dedicated to the development of game, which lies outside the realm of physical appearance.” I think Lovedrop (AKA Chris) is one of the real artists out there. He’s not as good looking as Mystery or the other MPUAs, and he overcome this by improving both his mannerisms and ultimately his game.
  3. We talk a lot about grooming, avatars and style. But I think we are missing the fundamentals here on physical beauty. What makes someone “beautiful”? I have been trying to find the answer for this for a long time. Golden mean. Symmetrical face. Nancy Etcoff does a great job summarizing statistical data in her book Survival of the Prettiest: The Science of Beauty. I recommend this book for anyone remotely interested in the subject of beauty and how we (humans) perceive beauty.
  4. I’ve lived in many countries growing up. I realized that the perceived beauty of a certain race changes greatly by country. In the US, a good looking black, Indian or Asian guy will have to be really good looking, in order pass the “GQ white guy” limit test. What I mean is, usually, the ethnic good looking guys are considered very good looking in their cultures. It is as if the tall white GQ guy gets +1 points automatically, because partially of social programming and also partially of the current state of modeling and Hollywood.

    Daniel Henney

    Daniel Henney: one of the few Asian American models in the US. (And he's half white)

  5. I think game is important. But we need to look beyond the immediate look enhancing benefits of style. We need to go into lifestyle. Study models. Study the lifestyle of people who have the resources to change their looks. This is why I started this section of the blog. Veneers. Plastic Surgery. Workout sessions and body shaping. Dieting. Eye color manipulation. Hair care (long term), Skin care. Scar removal. Body hair management. Skin tonality. Cosmetic Dentistry. Makeup. Its more than tactics and routines. Its lifestyle. This type of lifestyle requires money and resources, and it requires an elevation from the levels we are at.

In the near future, we will have the option to choose our children’s genes. While this poses ethical concerns, who would NOT want their child to be taller? If parents could pick the eye and hair color of their child, would they do it? Genes that govern intelligence? Strength? Disease immunity? Gattaca is becoming less science fiction than you think and not everybody is going to be like Jude Law. (No spoilers for you here so you’ll need to watch to movie). My point is, game is game. Game is important, and it represents who we ultimately are. But we need start looking at game based on foundations of genetics and looks.

Related posts:

Like what you've read?
  • Over 12,000 people who are serious about improving their style and dating lives have downloaded my free "10 Style Tips That Makes Any Man Sexy" ebook. Just click on the green button below to change your life:

  • Comments

    20 Responses to “But I feel ugly…”
    1. I think everyone has this thought at one point in their life or another...

    1. I feel ugly sometimes, thanks for this advice! -- Are you thinking "I feel so ugly"?

    Trackbacks

    Check out what others are saying about this post...


    Speak Your Mind

    Tell us what you're thinking...
    and oh, if you want a pic to show with your comment, go get a gravatar!