Fallacies of the Seduction Community #5: Getting a Girlfriend is Hard
Actually… it is relatively easy.
Getting the right girl, falling in love, is hard. After getting a GF, things get personal, it is not a game anymore.
Before this, at times it may seem like it is impossible to get laid, but keep in mind that getting a commitment from any girl isn’t difficult. After all, women are on average 51-52% of the population.
The hard thing is to decide which girls to be in a relationship with, or whether you are ready for a relationship. The hardest thing I had to do was to turn down a super hot blonde girl, because there were minor things that I did not like about her. I decided I could settle, like my last LTR, or not. If I did, I would lose my momentum in learning game, and be in a relationship that perhaps was doomed to fail from the beginning (because I already felt like I was settling).
Knowing this, the biggest mistake a newbie makes is settling for the first “decent looking” girl he meets. These relationship are always doomed to fail, but perhaps in being in them we learn our lesson: the consequences of settling. As a guy in the game, you can take your pic, and with your skills always improving, to choose the right girl for you, and give it a go. After all, falling in love with the right person can be one of the most rewarding things in life.
Fallacies of the Seduction Community #4: The Rejection is too much and it constantly hurts my self image and bleeds into my self esteem!
If you want anything in life, you have to be thick skinned and be ok with rejection. If you want hot chicks, and don’t want to settle for anything, then you have to get over this phase.
The fallacy comes from the anchor and emotional decisions we assign to “social rejection”. A lot of it also has to do with how we define self esteem, and the pillars that govern how we think about ourselves and our actions. You can’t always control the outside world, but you can always control how you respond to certain things.
This is where the Seller vs. Buyer dynamic comes in. You are a cool guy studying game. You are actively trying to improve yourself. With minor exceptions, most hot girls spend too much time studying make up and hair styles, instead of building something great, or doing something intellectually constructive.
So, learn to put yourself out there, as you are, aware of the negative consequences, as well as the positive ones. Accept that EVERY time you do an approach, you are taking a risk. NO ONE knows what will happen. That’s the nature of reality. Now if a guru says 10/10 on EVERY approach, you may question that – the fact is no one can know, through cold approach, a person’s situation. Be comfortable with the “risk factor” of approaching strangers – that’s just part of the game.
Julien talks about not fitting into society’s bold, and the true buyer vs. seller dynamic:
Fallacies of the Seduction Community #3: Hot Chicks are AWESOME!
I used to think hot girls are awesome, worth more than anything I have in my life. This of course stems from 23 years of being a virgin and focusing only on my studies and business. I was 20 at the time, worked a management consulting gig most grads would be envious of, and lived in a nicely rented apartment in the New York city area. But I couldn’t get girls at all. So, of course, over 23 years of social conditioning I believed the 9s and 10s and hot girls were THE most important thing in life that I could attain or “possess”.
Up until very recently, I still believed that a true 9 or 10 in terms of physical looks is still the most valuable thing and I couldn’t get this thought out of my head. It started to really bother me, and unconsciously I started looking for solutions to my problem or discover my thoughts in more depth. As I am writing this I am also dating this beautiful blonde, east coast graduate from an ivy league school and knowing her personally gives me a greater understanding that just because a girl went to a good school and that she looks great, it doesn’t mean she’s socially calibrated or super interesting to be around. In fact, it could very well be the opposite.
The fact is, most people (male and female) haven’t really accomplished anything significant in life. For a lot of “club hot girls”, she hasn’t accomplished anything in life other than being hot. Because, just by being so, she is rewarded by chode guys who will spend a lot of energy and time trying to get her. In truth, though, she secretly desires the Mr. Big (Sex And The City) – a guy who is strong enough to give her the sense of security and deep attraction she needs as a woman. Here are some of the 9s and 10s that I number closed but couldn’t fully close. I sent them in an email to my coach Fuji:
Shout Out to RSD
Watching RSD’s latest videos, and THEN going out, has helped me improve my game a lot. I’m getting consistent results now getting girls full closing. Still working on 9s and 10s.
For the LONGEST time – I always felt I’m “losing value! no!!” whenever I get rejected / interaction doesn’t go well. It was draining and takes the wind out of me. Harsh rejections make me make up my own excuses : fuck this focus on making money / fuck cold approach social circle is better… you guys know the deal.
I think I finally figured it out:
1. You go out, you put your real self out there
2. You control your own energy in a charismatic and empowering vibe
3. You see things realistically, recognize mistakes quickly, and correct them don’t dwell, just realize. Don’t amplify rejection or mistakes
4. See mistakes and rejection as they are – randomness. Have a laugh at extreme negative emotions of other people. If patterns occur, notice the patterns and calibrate and correct
5. Accept that you have no control over other people’s feelings. You can only control your cool vibe, add value to any environment, and let the chips fall where they may
Tyler on Intermediate pick up insights:
Fallacies of the Seduction Community #2: Alpha Status and Likeability are Inversely Related
Problem: PUAs are afraid of looking “beta” or less “alpha” by appearing to be too friendly. PUAs act more alpha because they think that is what they are supposed to do to DHV and get higher value, in turn to get the girl and show off to other PUAs.
- Newbies look nervous, never smile, trying to be cool
- Keeps assessing what other people think of him, instead of what he thinks about himself and the situation
- Always worried about losing value
- Acting or relating to impress, instead to express
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