Fallacies of the Seduction Community #7: Getting Laid Makes Your Self Image and Game Better
Getting laid gives you a certain sense of ease, a sense of accomplishment within.
However, have you ever gotten laid, and then got rejected just as bad one night as other nights when you didn’t get laid?
The outside person doesn’t know what you just accomplished. A new set is just that: a new set. The stock market is not going to give you better luck or conditions just because you made a lot of money on a previous trade. Reality is constantly changing and so are the variables.
Imagine a celebrity in Taiwan talking into a US airport. Unless he’s already hit mainstream here, he’s unidentifiable. Jackie Chan explained this in his autobiography “no one knew who I was!”
Also, getting laid by the same girl will increase your laziness – you won’t want to go out. But again, does LeBron James quit practicing basketball because he’s won a game? He’s playing for the big prize – his legacy. There’s no stopping. Likewise, until you reach your pick up goals, don’t stop. If you meet a truly great girl, perhaps make that decision. For me, until I get the skills I need to bed any hot girl level I want, I can move on. This assumes that the perfect girl doesn’t show up in the meantime
Do not confuse getting laid with getting better at game. Yes, you get more comfortable and your sex skills improve. However, you are still approaching a new set and the same guidelines apply.
Tyler explains in this video why if you don’t go out, your self esteem actually improves. To deal with the “war zone” and constant social velocity out here in the world can be tough:
Tyler on not going out and not dealing with REJECTION
Fallacies of the Seduction Community #6: If I improve with women, my friends will think I’m awesome!
Fallacy: If I improve with women, my friends will think I’m awesome!
Actually, for a short time, your friends will think you’re awesome. They may at first consider you weird, if you don’t go ALL OUT. However, you may start seeing success after a while, and your friends may offer congratulations.
Consistent improvement, however, and life changing behavior patterns, will put distance between you and your friends. After all, your views of the world and limiting beliefs are different. Oprah once said that when she lost weight she also fought with her larger friends – because her losing weight reminded them of their own weight still being high.
Here’s Tyler on why your friends may not find learning about pick up as awesome as you do:
People’s real behavior is observed in their real choices, and these real truths are sometimes hidden from the public. Learn to read through the social fabric. My coach once told me: think of the journey as you traveling along the desert. Occasionally a friend will come and walk the path with you, however in the beginning and the end, you are always alone. Accept this fact, and take responsibility for your independence.
The game “Journey”, critically acclaimed (commercial decent) game is a good reflection of most people’s personal journey in life:
Fallacies of the Seduction Community #5: Getting a Girlfriend is Hard
Actually… it is relatively easy.
Getting the right girl, falling in love, is hard. After getting a GF, things get personal, it is not a game anymore.
Before this, at times it may seem like it is impossible to get laid, but keep in mind that getting a commitment from any girl isn’t difficult. After all, women are on average 51-52% of the population.
The hard thing is to decide which girls to be in a relationship with, or whether you are ready for a relationship. The hardest thing I had to do was to turn down a super hot blonde girl, because there were minor things that I did not like about her. I decided I could settle, like my last LTR, or not. If I did, I would lose my momentum in learning game, and be in a relationship that perhaps was doomed to fail from the beginning (because I already felt like I was settling).
Knowing this, the biggest mistake a newbie makes is settling for the first “decent looking” girl he meets. These relationship are always doomed to fail, but perhaps in being in them we learn our lesson: the consequences of settling. As a guy in the game, you can take your pic, and with your skills always improving, to choose the right girl for you, and give it a go. After all, falling in love with the right person can be one of the most rewarding things in life.
Fallacies of the Seduction Community #4: The Rejection is too much and it constantly hurts my self image and bleeds into my self esteem!
If you want anything in life, you have to be thick skinned and be ok with rejection. If you want hot chicks, and don’t want to settle for anything, then you have to get over this phase.
The fallacy comes from the anchor and emotional decisions we assign to “social rejection”. A lot of it also has to do with how we define self esteem, and the pillars that govern how we think about ourselves and our actions. You can’t always control the outside world, but you can always control how you respond to certain things.
This is where the Seller vs. Buyer dynamic comes in. You are a cool guy studying game. You are actively trying to improve yourself. With minor exceptions, most hot girls spend too much time studying make up and hair styles, instead of building something great, or doing something intellectually constructive.
So, learn to put yourself out there, as you are, aware of the negative consequences, as well as the positive ones. Accept that EVERY time you do an approach, you are taking a risk. NO ONE knows what will happen. That’s the nature of reality. Now if a guru says 10/10 on EVERY approach, you may question that – the fact is no one can know, through cold approach, a person’s situation. Be comfortable with the “risk factor” of approaching strangers – that’s just part of the game.
Julien talks about not fitting into society’s bold, and the true buyer vs. seller dynamic:
Fallacies of the Seduction Community #3: Hot Chicks are AWESOME!
I used to think hot girls are awesome, worth more than anything I have in my life. This of course stems from 23 years of being a virgin and focusing only on my studies and business. I was 20 at the time, worked a management consulting gig most grads would be envious of, and lived in a nicely rented apartment in the New York city area. But I couldn’t get girls at all. So, of course, over 23 years of social conditioning I believed the 9s and 10s and hot girls were THE most important thing in life that I could attain or “possess”.
Up until very recently, I still believed that a true 9 or 10 in terms of physical looks is still the most valuable thing and I couldn’t get this thought out of my head. It started to really bother me, and unconsciously I started looking for solutions to my problem or discover my thoughts in more depth. As I am writing this I am also dating this beautiful blonde, east coast graduate from an ivy league school and knowing her personally gives me a greater understanding that just because a girl went to a good school and that she looks great, it doesn’t mean she’s socially calibrated or super interesting to be around. In fact, it could very well be the opposite.
The fact is, most people (male and female) haven’t really accomplished anything significant in life. For a lot of “club hot girls”, she hasn’t accomplished anything in life other than being hot. Because, just by being so, she is rewarded by chode guys who will spend a lot of energy and time trying to get her. In truth, though, she secretly desires the Mr. Big (Sex And The City) – a guy who is strong enough to give her the sense of security and deep attraction she needs as a woman. Here are some of the 9s and 10s that I number closed but couldn’t fully close. I sent them in an email to my coach Fuji: