A friend of mine, Mark D. is a older guy who has a lot more life experience than I do. He shared something recently with me that is close to my heart and the thought continued to evolve.
Life is long, life is short. It is all a matter of perspective, right? Well, life is about time, and time is limited. We’re told can be can anything we want to, but in truth there is a finite amount of time and resources in this lifetime that we eventually give back before we turn to dust or return to the lord or whatever it is you believe.
Being single in America is weird, because we are so entitled to getting everything we want. Money, food, “friends”, all the quick fixes. However I think this actually create isolation and a reality that is further away from the truth.
Village life, in fact, is closer to truth. Ever watch avatar? Tribe members die, others are born, there are different people in different age groups, growing up and growing old in the cycle of life. This fact and truth is remained hidden in celebrity society, because the dream that’s being created is, live young forever and be famous and rich!
I’ve been avoiding the truth for the last few years, sitting pretty at my job when in fact I should have been searching for it. I also realized that not having my family here, I am “removed” from part of a natural cycle of list. Things I need to do going forward to be closer to reality:
- Have genuinely good friends who are more important to you than superficial stuff
- Get a dog – dog’s life is short, yet spends his moments with you in the present. I still remember our old black lab from Africa years later
- Attend a funeral, wedding, or plan some sort of rite of passage event
- Help out at a local shelter – see those who are less fortunate than you
- Be doing a job that is your gift to the world, and if not, make plans to be doing this 12 months from now.
In terms of pick up, I would say:
- Go out regularly to see the night club environment for what it is – a socially artificial place where girls are
- Have a regular group of friends that hangout and have a good time, doesn’t matter what you do
- Have friends who respect you for who you really are, instead of your image
- Have genuine female friends who care about you beyond just sex
- Recognize people’s reactions as different between cold vs. warm approaches
Tyler does a good job about describing having an “abundant” mentality while recognizing scarcity in life:
5 years I’ve been cold approaching. While I don’t go out every day, there are nights I do 20 approaches and nights where I do 1.
Let’s assume 52 weeks in a week, and an average of 4 approaches per week. That’s 200 approaches a year x 5, which nets us 1000 cold approaches. I think I’ve surpassed that number, maybe more.
Whenever I do a cold approach, most of the time, I gain clarity in field of reality. This is because your own belief system crashes with another persons’ and the more you interact with different people, the more likely it is that they will either challenge, or eventually change your perception of reality. Since all reality is subjective to a degree to the user, we are in term influenced by the girls (and guys) we meet along the way.
Recently, you will recall my solo trip to Miami, and other there I learned a ton about myself. My game was improving to another level. Then it plateaued a bit, as I started sorting out what it is that made my game good in Miami. Overall, friends and wings noticed a more congruence, stronger presence. This is hard for me to explain. Some of this is implicit skills I’ve picked up that I may not be aware of.
How My Game Improved
Overall though, I would say, my post Miami game changed in the following ways:
- I was no longer afraid of getting blown out, and I can hold sets and when friends leave I can sarge on my own in my own town. I’m not as afraid. Sarging alone is a bit boring sometimes if you have a few bad sets, or don’t see the girls you like. However, I’ve developed the competence to do this if and when I have to. Overall I enjoy having wings and friends around so its not something I voluntarily do.
- Blow outs don’t mean much to me – even the really harsh ones, generally have no effect. I won’t see the person anymore. Sometimes depending on the situation, my wings or friends hurt me more than the girl. Whether it is jealousy, envy, or disrespect (i.e. leaving you behind at a bar, not really caring about you). These seemingly trivial things I take more seriously, perhaps because I have learned the true value of friendship, and this bothers me more than anything a girl can say about me.
- For example, one night I talked to a guy as he was walking by asking him a question about his girls at the W hotel. He looks pissed and just turned away. I didn’t react at all and it didn’t bother me. What did bother me that night was one of the girls in our group, she was giving me shit and taking me for granted even though she was staying at my house (my friend asked me to host her). I found that more disrespectful because you’re my friend.
- When in set, I am more present and I don’t flinch at all. I truly believe that I am worth her time, and that any differences we have is a natural cause of disconnect. No one is better or worse than another person.
- I listen more, and I am more ego-less – I don’t project what I think about that person onto them and try to see them for who they really are. This ego-less form comes thanks to Tyler Durden and Eckhart Tolle, and this element developed more as I felt love from my family after 5 years of not seeing them.
Here is the brief progression over the last 6 months:
If you pickup a biography of Marlyn Monroe AKA Norma Jean you will find her life to be one of great sorrow. Never really achieving happiness, despite her legendary beauty and fame, Marilyn fell ill to depression and died at the tender age of 36. She was still considered gorgeous and even more attractive in her 30s.
In analyzing her old photos it has become apparent that she’s had work done to her face, probably by an amazing plastic surgeon. Notice Norma’s first photographs:
After a nose job, she starting looking better and better. Read more
I had a few epiphanies while traveling to Miami this time. Here they are.
1. The closer you are to the truth, the more profitable you will be – business lesson
2. In Miami, girls are more calibrated to approaches. They act more “icy” or cool and collected. There are still bitches here too but the ones that are open are more talkative and less “deer in the headlights” – game lesson
3. Practice the consistency of putting yourself out there unapologetically - as it. “This is me”. The more you do this, the better your game gets.
4. There is a subtle (sometimes not so subtle) cultural component to long term relationships. This is based on mutual necessity and desire. Read more
I want to take a moment and talk about the element of jealousy in game and finances because it is an important part of human nature and if left untamed, can garnish many of your most finest moments. It is a natural human feeling. We have all felt it at one point or another, as kids or even as adults. Have you had a sibling come into the family, and you felt jealous that your mother’s time was not divided between 2 or more kids? Jealousy can have its uses in human psychology, however, like anything else, when taken too far. The Greek mythology describes envy and jealous as the green on eyed serpent that can strike you at any time.
Jealousy vs. Envy
Jealousy is a natural biological response to the fear of losing something, usually an emotional connection to someone else. Love is naturally jealous, if you love someone, you will be jealous if they give their love to another. Jealousy can be useful in providing the correct emotional response to a lover who may have strayed, or is thinking of straying. Jealousy can be unconscious. For example, many stories, including my own, have exemplified a feeling of a fear of loss or caring of someone at a particular moment. Perhaps a girlfriend calling her boyfriend when suddenly she just becomes very worried for no apparent logical reason. Often times the girlfriend or boyfriend is seeing someone else. Jealousy therefore has its place in relationships.
Insecure individuals bask in jealousy, as their fear of loss if often accompanied by unjustified jealousy over a loved one, or over protection. These feelings usually originate from childhood days, although life experiences can drastically alter feelings of jealousy. People that are jealous usually are afraid of losing out on an opportunity, or fearing the loss of something they may already have.
Katt Williams on Haters: