According to “The Gentleman’s Guide” on the film’s official website, “The Rules” of a Kingsman Gentleman are as follows:
(1) A gentleman never tells about conquests, private matters, or dealings. His business is nobody else’s.
(2) A gentleman doesn’t clash in public with enemies or exes, or worse, with out-of-fashion contrasts, colors or styles.
(3) A gentleman is always happy to serve, whether it’s opening the door, picking up the bill, or merely calling a cab the next morning. Ask him for help and he cannot refuse.
(4) A gentleman never reacts to rudeness. He pretends he doesn’t recognize it and moves on like it never happened, because it never should have.
(5) A gentleman is always on target with witty remarks, interesting facts, and conversation starters that bring the best out of everyone.
(6) A gentleman asks non-invasive questions to keep a conversation going and attention focused on others. He makes them feel like the most interesting person he’s ever met, whether that’s true or not.
I’m a supporter of democracy, equal rights and openness and freedom. My dad was a diplomat, and my whole life the theme of open expression and world freedom has been ingrained since my childhood traveling the world with my family. Recently, the media coverage of the PUA community and the response from so called “feminists” have compelled me to write this blog post explaining what I think is going on in a fair and concise manner. For me, the seduction community was an enriching experience when I joined in 2007 where I met lifelong friends who helped me on my journey to become better with my social skills and with meeting women I truly wanted. It also came full circle in helping me become a better man and having more core confidence in myself.
Something that so helped enrich my life is now being bashed in our culture, and I wanted to take a moment to write to anyone who is interested in having an open discussion about why that is.
There has been many accounts of the PUA community being misogynistic and with every group there are the X-Men and the Brotherhood – seducers and bad apples / misogynists. I have been in several lairs over the last few years (PUA groups in other cities) and have gotten to know the guys quite well. The majority of the guys in these groups are just good, regular guys who want to improve their skills with women. Their desire to do is is driven by a love for women and a drive to improve their lives. All in all, these guys are positive, well-intentioned dudes.
Somewhere along the line, money got involved, and “gurus” began pitching products to “get laid fast” because that’s what sold. The outside world views this as the main theme of the community. In my experience, it is not. Go-to any well-run lair in your city and you will most likely find monthly meetings of guys talking about fitness, making money, and improving their dating lives. The essence of these groups of improvement of ourselves, and to establish social ties to help us do this. For example, in San Diego we have a group called “The Mission”, and the leader of that group interviews guys like Tim Ferris and Tony Robbins on lifestyle hacks that he shares with the group and implements. Our last meeting involved talks of meditation and “morning routines” – how your morning routine can effect the quality of your whole day.
I think the reason that the impression of the seduction community is one of misogyny has more to do with the marketing of seduction products, more-so than the actual groups of men trying to improve themselves. This is just based on my personal experience.
There’s already been lots of takes on this from Kezia to Julien to Tyler, The owner of RSD himself (thread hidden) The best summary of this whole fiasco is probably by Russell Brand:
Was Julien asking for it and was he wrong? Absolutely. But did the feminists / white knights get their facts right? They went a little overboard. The picture of the sexual assault chart was a mock parody (albeit in bad taste) of what not to do, and the idea that Julien teaches men to choke women is simply untrue. If you review his videos he’s been doing this for 7 years, arguably one of the best in-field coaches. Anyone who watches his videos and seen him out in-field knows this. He was experimenting to see if he could approach a girl, and place his hands around her neck, as if mimicking choking, and get away with it and still get her to like him. Does he actually use force? no, he’s simply placing his hands there. Does he tell other men to do this? No, he’s just demonstrating that with proper game, in a real social environment, you can get away with a lot. Is this done in good taste? Absolutely not. But forget the facts. “Ban Women Hating Dating Coach From Teaching Men To Choke Women! He Hits and Assaults Women!”. These one-dimensional bite-size news pieces are simply untrue.
Feminist Situation Read more
Haven’t been out in a while (over 2 months) and this weekend was my first night out in a while. It was interesting. Despite my height there are just some girls who are into you and others who are not. Lesson #1 for cold approach pick up = you cannot control how people respond to you.
Some girls like my height. Others don’t.
Some girls like buff guys. Others don’t.
Some girls like white military guys. Others don’t.
Some girls are horny tonight. Others are not.
Some girls just don’t like Asian/Black/Minority guys. Some girls do.
This is in direct contrast to being a director of a set, or a model on a set. As a model you are treated very well by most people. You have a lot assigned social value automatically. As a CEO running your business, people listen to you and obey your instructions. The random drunk hottie at a bar has no idea who you are, and she’s not likely to respond or give you value until you talk to her and project energy.
Now, there are situations where you are the bar manager, or pay for a table and girls will come up and say hi, but that usually requires money, connections in nightlife, or owning a club.
My point is that you can be the best looking, tall white dude in the world, and you will STILL get rejected. Cold approach pick up is a numbers game, and often times, even with stellar skills, you need to filter DTF girls to pull that night. It is really hard to have a genuine, deep conversation in a club. When I have, none of the girls returned my calls.
Cold approach requires a different mindset or adaptability, and open thoughts. There is no other way. In a way, it is very liberating. You’re hunting in the jungle, and it is survival of the fittest / smoothest. There are no rules, and no social boundaries. Free for all sexual value being traded. No regular social constraints.
Perhaps Owen was right. Keep it light, high energy, and positive energy. Push and pull. The girl will gravitate towards you. I need to polish up my push/pull game, because while at the modeling set girls will auto-assume I’m high value, proper push/pull is the the natural attraction trigger with women in general.
A gentle, light-hearted conversation and chill vibe, adapted to suit the energy of the environment.
On another note, when you are cold approaching a girl sometimes she has more “power” in a social situation. You can always tell people’s true character when you give them a little power and see how they behave. Give a guy a million dollars (lottery), or give him girls, and see how he acts around you when you’re not “watching”.
Me: “Sorry professor, I know I am always late, I’ll work on it”
Professor: “I don’t care about that (being late for class). You have a gift. Your thinking, the way you view business. Don’t waste it”
-Professor Jeanette asked me to stay after class one day. I thought I was in trouble.
“But…. but … you’re AlphaWolf!?”
-Fellow PUA who looked up to me, during a night where I was felling down and could not approach a hottie
“What is it like to be tall and good looking?”
-Fellow friend from SF asked me, on a day I was feeling ugly.
“You’re one of the smartest people I have ever met”
-Anonymous Friend of a Friend
“Do you want to come in my mouth?”
-One of the most physically beautiful girl I’ve ever met
“There is nothing a teacher can teach you that you don’t already know deep within. All a good teacher does is to remove the debris that sometimes covers the ultimate truth”
-A passage from Ekhart Tolle
“That was a really good walk. I was waiting out back and then as you get on stage I was like ‘oh wow there he goes'”
-Cecilia Aragon, feedback to me after a runway show after walking her design line
“You’re tall, and you have good frame. What a waste, for someone like you not to workout”
-A frenemy from highschool who sided with my bullies, but always tried to discretely help me out. I have conflicting feelings about him. On one hand he could have just sided with me in full. But he sided with my enemies, and would make fun of me sometimes and help me sometimes. Deep inside, he admired my dad and perhaps that filtered onto me a bit. Truth is, he didn’t have to help me at all, and he was also seeking his own form of social acceptance and it was harder with me around. I always remembered this one advice he gave me though.
“That’s it. I’ve done it. I’ve arrived.”
That’s what we used to think. In high-school I wanted to be older. In college, I wanted to get a cool job so I could get girls. At my first real job, I wanted to to “make it” and become an awesome employee. At Google, I wanted to be “awesome and Googley”. There’s always something else to aim for before we find happiness.
I think the human mind, and perhaps to a degree the media draw up this fantasy of the “get this and you will be happy” mentality. When in fact, the very idea of doing what you love is the fantasy itself. Coach Wooden saw this in his life (UCLA legend). Donald Trump also expressed the same sentiments in his book “How to Think Like A Billionaire”.
The truth lies more in what Ekhart Tolle called “being in the present moment” and enjoying the process itself. I think coach John Wooden really understood this. We are also the products of our parents. My mother, who is very pragmatic, and always knew how to save money. And my dad, who wasn’t afraid to go after what he wanted. He taught me many a great deal about how to be diplomatic and kind to people, and how to be a man. I think one of the reasons my brother and I turned out to very rarely lie is because my dad rarely lied about anything. And that’s tough given his profession as a diplomat.
Owen and Julien talk about being the wolf, and how It is never “complete”.
The other thing I learned recently is that I feel free. I understand now what it takes to generate “wealth”, and I will never be poor again because I am mentally prepared to generate value in a capitalistic world. Despite his ego and public persona, Trump shares an insight he has learned about wealth: Read more