For many guys, it starts with a beautiful smile on a lovely body. A subtle head tilt and enlarged irises. She’s hot. Hotter than most of the girls you’ve dated so far… and she seems to like you. Her facial structure elicits a pleasing neurological response from your brain, and her body elicits a different type of response from your other brain.
Perhaps you’re on a date, or you’re hanging out with friends. She shows you signs of interest and she’s actually intelligent. Well, intelligent enough not to be totally stupid and annoying. Maybe you leave her with a kiss goodbye, maybe you walk her to her car in the morning. Either way, it was a great experience. You find yourself thinking about her for the next few days, despite having other dates, or having important work to do. This is where a girl you actually “really like” can go into rotation, and start a “dating process”, or maybe you’re the kind of guy that just prefers to see this one and see where it goes.
Unfortunately, somewhere along this dating process, she suddenly goes cold. Texts get returned slower, phone calls aren’t picked up. She doesn’t suggest another date to hangout, and instead offers up excuses and says she’s busy with other “important things” that aren’t related to her dating life.
This is where most guys panic. Oh no! I’ve lost her! I need to get her back? But you can’t lose something you never possessed. In fact, I would argue that you never truly “possess” another person. They’re not your property. We are human beings, with our own volition and therefore, freedom to spend time as we see fit, no matter how destructive or constructive the activity.
Due to my extensive experience “interviewing” for corporate type jobs, allow me to use my knowledge is job interviews to showcase how this situation can be handled.
How Dating Is Related To Job Interviews Read more
Over the past few days I’ve felt a sense of unease. My subconscious is aware of it too – I’ve been having weird dreams that left me waking up in a bad mood. As I tried to identify the issue I thought about many things, and after 2-3 days I’ve come to some answers.
Walk away from your crutches, even if its your best friend
First, I am lucky enough to have a great best friend in San Diego. However, it is important to know when you must walk your own path. Often times, we lean on the shoulders of others, and in the process, forget to learn that which we should learn to do ourselves. For example, I am constantly hanging out with him, and we play video games. This is great fun, but lately after our LA trip I’ve felt a sense of waste after playing games. So I uninstalled my Heroes of the Storm bnet account and now I have a lot more free time on my hands. So the lesson is, learn when you need to develop your own strength, and have the courage to walk away from your best friend. He/she will understand, that you need time to yourself to develop inner strength.
I’ve also learned that my daytime pick up skills are better, and that I tend to do better on my own. Sometimes, you need to go out there and see the world for yourself, instead of resenting others for “holding you back”, when in fact, you’re the one that’s doing it!
Seeing the silver lining in everything
As a kid, I used to think that if I’m learning the piano in the afternoon, all the other kids are out there playing in the golden sunset! No! I felt a sense of loss! Yet, nowadays, I am grateful on some nights when I can just be in the office and work to my heart’s content. No family, no friends bugging me, nothing. Just me and my work. Sometimes I may feel like this is lonely and perhaps it is, but that’s the way it is for now, and I’ve learned to view it as a blessing, I get to hangout with my friends when I want to, and have my own time without being stressed by work or personal obligations.
Being cool without “trying”
I’ve leverage the ability to be present thanks to Ekhart Tolle and I’ve noticed that when I am relaxed and unstressed, I have an open vibe. People talk to me. “What’s that you’re buying?” “Hey this elevator is slow huh?” I think that on weekdays, because so many people are stressed, an unstressed, open energy translates well in contrast to all the pent up energy that we see everyday. I’m lucky enough to have financial freedom at this point in my life, and I will continue to channel a chill, open vibe, even if I am working hard at work.
Presence, and internal love
Being “chill” also means non-judgement. When we judge others, in some ways we are also dealing with our own demons. Live and let live. This is perhaps one of the universal truths of all religions (which has been killed off by religious dogma). Your own presence of light is enough – that alone can sustain you and add love to the world. Sometimes our ego gets in the way, and blinds us from the spark and magnificent of what’s already there to begin with.
Strive for the best, judgement free of others
I used to judge others or “hate on them” when they’re useless to my goals. I realized now this is the wrong way to look at the world. Everyone is on their own journey. In many ways, my negativity towards them was really at myself – at my inability to make things work. I should have sought out help earlier, or acknowledged that I needed to meet new people, instead of resenting my friends. You can’t always change someone, however you can always love them.
It’s ok to be an asshole, sometimes our mistakes teach us how to arrive at the right solution
In order for me to “find peace”. or reach a point of acceptance, I had to go through pain. The pain helps you get to a point (hopefully) of throwing away the baggage of the ego.
Intimate relationships, savor all the life has to offer. Drink from the fountain
While I used to go for the hottest girls, I now want the deepest relationships in all areas of my life. Am I still drawn to beautiful women? Absolutely. But my fascination now is more than just a physical one. I find myself losing attraction for superficial beauty, and more in tune with inner beauty.
I am still drawn sexually to superficial beauty, but in terms of my relationships and an-ongoing type of situation, I see myself valuing a beautiful girl who has great inner qualities as well.
Banquet of Kings from Fate / Zero
In the anime Fate / Zero night, heroes of the past are summoned to fight for the Holy Grail. In this series, Saber (female King Arthur), Alexander the Great, and Gilgamesh enjoy a brief truce at a drinking session. Their views on life are fascinating and this is one of my favorite scenes from the whole Fate / series.
Despite their differences, each King lived their life to their fullest, in their own way, with their own philosophy:
According to “The Gentleman’s Guide” on the film’s official website, “The Rules” of a Kingsman Gentleman are as follows:
(1) A gentleman never tells about conquests, private matters, or dealings. His business is nobody else’s.
(2) A gentleman doesn’t clash in public with enemies or exes, or worse, with out-of-fashion contrasts, colors or styles.
(3) A gentleman is always happy to serve, whether it’s opening the door, picking up the bill, or merely calling a cab the next morning. Ask him for help and he cannot refuse.
(4) A gentleman never reacts to rudeness. He pretends he doesn’t recognize it and moves on like it never happened, because it never should have.
(5) A gentleman is always on target with witty remarks, interesting facts, and conversation starters that bring the best out of everyone.
(6) A gentleman asks non-invasive questions to keep a conversation going and attention focused on others. He makes them feel like the most interesting person he’s ever met, whether that’s true or not.
For a long time I was conflicted about judging girls on their looks, because after all, don’t girls judge guys on social status and money? But today I had a flash of insight.
While I do judge girls on looks, I:
1) Never treat an ugly girl with disrespect. I treat her well like any human being who deserves a basic level of respect.
2) If a hot chick has a bad personality, I don’t brown nose her or chase her like other guys, I let her go.
Thus in all fairness, I think women should consider a guy’s social status and wealth, but, after she gets to know him, judge him for his character, and not treat guys of “lesser” value with contempt.
Learned a lot tonight, some of my flaws, weak points, and strengths regarding my game. Buying drink mistakes and pulling mistakes.