Social Pressure, Staying Rough, Fun and Cake Face
Diamonds are made from intense pressure over time. Likewise, the greatest of humans are made from extraordinary circumstances. While we don’t like to feel like we’re in a predicament, those moments teach us lessons and make us make decisions that reveal who we really are to the world and to ourselves. Instead of staying “comfortable” and “safe”, make an effort to push out your comfort boundaries. That is the only way you are going to become better than you currently are. A couple of lessons over the past few weeks:
1. I was a salsa club and as usual danced and practiced my moves. On the way out I saw a guy named Leo. Leo was in a wheelchair. Despite this, he chatted me up and asked the bouncer if there was an elevator to get upstairs. “What happened?” I asked. He said, “Accident, years ago” and then changed the topic. It simply wasn’t important to him.
He proceeded to head up with a girlfriend of his. Though my encounter with him was brief, I thought to myself, “here I am worried about forgetting my steps to a routine. How selfish. At least I have legs that I can still walk on”. Then I thought about all the guys who complain about “game” being too hard, or girls being mean to them. These excuses seem lame and undoubtedly selfish when you see a guy in a wheelchair, having a better time than you. With nothing more than the strength and positivity of his thoughts.
2. Staying “rough”. Guys who stay in the “game” have this evolution that takes place in their skills. In Chinese we will it “jiang hu” which is a location in China in history where all the great events happened. Today the phrase means, to be “on the streets”, or “where it is happening”. Like the basketball player who hasn’t played on a real court in a while, or the wall street banker who hasn’t been on the street trading. They lose their touch. If they are professionals, the skill comes back after some practice sessions. Like the master artist, his first night out after 3 months of staying in may suck, but eventually he will hit his stride again. The human brain is capable of recalling our skill sets and internalized memories. So I say, stay “tough” to a degree. Not to the point of freaking out, but to a healthy uncomfortable-ness. Only then can you dive outside of your comfort zone into the adventure zone.
3. Having it fun. According to Dr. Martin Seligman, a huge proponent of positive psychology and an icon of mine, depressed adults and children have a 1:1 positive negative thought ratio. That is, for every positive thought, they have a negative one. Normal people have a 2:1 ratio. 2 positive thoughts for every negative thought. Very optimistic people almost never let any negative thoughts in, unless something really bad happens. As such, positivity is a HUGE factor to living a happy life and having an optimistic view of the future.
The existence of approach anxiety in game makes it less fun. I know it did for me. Even 3 years into it, I had to ask Tyler Durden, “at what point did it become fun for you?” It always felt like a chore to me. On good nights it was great, but I always thought that it had something to do with my skills.
Lately, I have come to realize that gaming is fun. Talking to girls is fun. Life is fun. When you have this type of mentality and make it sustainable as part of your thought patterns, negative energy simply rolls off your back. This all sounds preachy and nice, and implementation of it is key. I tried the following with my wing last night and we ended up spending 2 hours with 2 girls that we took to another club. We’ve setup dates already with both of them before leaving to eat. The techniques I used were as follows:
- For the first game, I gave my wing a cheesy opener to use on any girl he wanted (When God made you, he was showing off)
- For the second game, he gave me a dorky line (Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven)
- For the 3rd game, it was blowout game. We had to use blowout lines. (Hi. So, do you want to have sex now or do I have to buy you dinner first?)
- For the 4th, we AMOG each other out of a set
The vibe of your wing is detrimentally important to achieve this “fun” vibe. When you’re in this state, the fear dissipates. Slowly at first, but completely after the 3rd to 5th approach.
Try it. Let me know how it goes.
4. Another term I learned from my roommate (who hates fat chicks and fat folks in general): Cake face. We saw this slim, beautiful Asian girl at a buffet. Then as I walked up to get a closer look, I realized that she was layered in makeup, to the extent that I couldn’t see her real face! It was WAY too much makeup. Makeup should be used lightly, to enhance the foundation. Changing it would only be a temporary lie.
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