1. I was a salsa club and as usual danced and practiced my moves. On the way out I saw a guy named Leo. Leo was in a wheelchair. Despite this, he chatted me up and asked the bouncer if there was an elevator to get upstairs. “What happened?” I asked. He said, “Accident, years ago” and then changed the topic. It simply wasn’t important to him.

He proceeded to head up with a girlfriend of his. Though my encounter with him was brief, I thought to myself, “here I am worried about forgetting my steps to a routine. How selfish. At least I have legs that I can still walk on”. Then I thought about all the guys who complain about “game” being too hard, or girls being mean to them. These excuses seem lame and undoubtedly selfish when you see a guy in a wheelchair, having a better time than you. With nothing more than the strength and positivity of his thoughts.

2. Staying “rough”. Guys who stay in the “game” have this evolution that takes place in their skills. In Chinese we will it “jiang hu” which is a location in China in history where all the great events happened. Today the phrase means, to be “on the streets”, or “where it is happening”. Like the basketball player who hasn’t played on a real court in a while, or the wall street banker who hasn’t been on the street trading. They lose their touch. If they are professionals, the skill comes back after some practice sessions. Like the master artist, his first night out after 3 months of staying in may suck, but eventually he will hit his stride again. The human brain is capable of recalling our skill sets and internalized memories. So I say, stay “tough” to a degree. Not to the point of freaking out, but to a healthy uncomfortable-ness. Only then can you dive outside of your comfort zone into the adventure zone.

3. Having it fun. According to Dr. Martin Seligman, a huge proponent of positive psychology and an icon of mine, depressed adults and children have a 1:1 positive negative thought ratio. That is, for every positive thought, they have a negative one. Normal people have a 2:1 ratio. 2 positive thoughts for every negative thought. Very optimistic people almost never let any negative thoughts in, unless something really bad happens. As such, positivity is a HUGE factor to living a happy life and having an optimistic view of the future.

The existence of approach anxiety in game makes it less fun. I know it did for me. Even 3 years into it, I had to ask Tyler Durden, “at what point did it become fun for you?” It always felt like a chore to me. On good nights it was great, but I always thought that it had something to do with my skills.

Lately, I have come to realize that gaming is fun. Talking to girls is fun. Life is fun. When you have this type of mentality and make it sustainable as part of your thought patterns, negative energy simply rolls off your back. This all sounds preachy and nice, and implementation of it is key. I tried the following with my wing last night and we ended up spending 2 hours with 2 girls that we took to another club. We’ve setup dates already with both of them before leaving to eat. The techniques I used were as follows:

1. For the first game, I gave my wing a cheesy opener to use on any girl he wanted (When God made you, he was showing off)
2. For the second game, he gave me a dorky line (Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven)
3. For the 3rd game, it was blowout game. We had to use blowout lines. (Hi. So, do you want to have sex now or do I have to buy you dinner first?)
4. For the 4th, we AMOG each other out of a set

The vibe of your wing is detrimentally important to achieve this “fun” vibe. When you’re in this state, the fear dissipates. Slowly at first, but completely after the 3rd to 5th approach.

Try it. Let me know how it goes.

4. Another term I learned from my roommate (who hates fat chicks and fat folks in general): Cake face. We saw this slim, beautiful Asian girl at a buffet. Then as I walked up to get a closer look, I realized that she was layered in makeup, to the extent that I couldn’t see her real face! It was WAY too much makeup. Makeup should be used lightly, to enhance the foundation. Changing it would only be a temporary lie.

Friend calls you up to go out, there’s an event at a bar. Same scene, same girls. You wonder if you should muster up the courage and energy to go out, or decide to stay in and make some progress on that website you have been trying to launch in the past 6 months.

Scenario 2 – you have been doing well at work lately – new job and new promotion. 2% salary raise. Yeh. You decide to go out more this week with your friends. You get a few number closes, but none of them return or pick up when you text/call. You wonder where your game has gone wrong, and after a while decide “fuck it” and focus on some other area in your life. Maybe you’ll muster up the anger or motivation to call up a few PU friends and ask for their advice, but ultimately, the game dynamics go back to you.

You go back to focus on work, but you realize that you are working your ass off for your company and they are making all of the money. The constant ass kissing and power maneuvers at work get to you. You decide to start your own company on the side. You do some research and work, but really have no idea where to start. You write a business plan.

A friend’s birthday comes up – you decide to go. You hit it off with this girl, and decide your game isn’t so bad after all. You go out a few more times over the next 2 weeks – some nights are good, some night are not. A lot of effort is being put into this and the results of lays is not showing.

If the above 5 paragraphs sound remotely familiar, that is because I have experienced it first hand. I have been writing these “Business vs. Love” posts for…. 1 year now!

It took a some simple advice from one group member, a Stanford PhD student at our MasterAlliance meeting to wake up me, “R, maybe there are just excuses? I mean, when I didn’t want to work out, I was throwing out the exact same reasoning as you. These are just excuses that stand in your way. Maybe I am wrong, but think about it.”

He’s right. The truth is, if it came down to it, I would choose love over money. Because love transcends material things, even this life, money is only a tool we use to trade things of perceived value in this world. But achieving both often means going after something the right way. You want to pickup a girl? Focus and learn from each set’s mistake. Don’t over analyze your sets, and focus on your skill set. Film yourself if you have to to see your flaws.

Waiting for that business plan? It is not going to write itself. Stop watching porn and if you are going to blow off your friends, make a commitment to finish 20% of that plan by the time you go to sleep. These are things that are definite and require energy, but the fact is sometimes this pain of exerting energy is better than the pain of mind-numbing and time passing that comes from doing a lot of things that are 1. half assed and 2. not significant anyway.

“With Scarcity comes Clarity” – Sergey said recently in the economic downturn, and this is another sage advice that I am lucky enough to see working at Google.

This playful vibe is useful, and I ended up scoring 6 of the 21 points for the win. Later that weekend, I also embodied the “Fun” attitude into my PU. This attitude is comprised of “I am going to have a good time” with “I am a fucking cool guy with a cool life” vibe. Combine this with actual skill, in basketball and PU, and you can get very far in results. I had 2 girls buy me drinks recently. It was a blast. Lovedrop talks about the Ying and Yang. Ying is the positive energy you generate form your presense. Your positive vibe. The Yang is the non-reaction seeking and negative energy deflecting energy. You can’t let one person’s actions get to you, this includes other AMOGs, a girl’s rejection, or any other distraction of that sort. In some times, being in a “fun state” is like being in “Flow”, and your ego goes out the window. You are one with the game.

Feeling like this also makes me smile and happy for a moment. And during that phase, in my mind I wish I would not lose it and that this feeling can continue. I can call it up when I force a smile, or when I think about this “fun and play” basketball mentaltity again, but the impact it has when it happens varies.

I suppose, when in doubt, let your ego go. Think, “have fun”. and “I am cool”. In the words of Vincent Chase, “My life is too good to be worried about Shit like this”.