I wrote a letter to my mentors DJ Fuji and Achilles recently. I started noticing a pattern of failure amongst the guys who are studying pickup. Despite their efforts, they are not improving, or improving very slowly.
I started to realize that when I first started this journey in game in 2007, I already had the social skills I needed. I built these skills through business. Presentation, attire, conversational skills. Although I was oblivious to girls, I was able to read basic social cues.
DJ Fuji, however, literally came from scratch. From my observations in field, the guys who are naturally timid or shy, have to pack in a large amount of “social experience” in a compressed frame of time. Because of this, simple mediocre effort on their part just doesn’t work. Simply going to a bootcamp for “entertainment” doesn’t get lasting results.
So as I am helping other guys now, I at one point became frustrated at the lack of progress these other guys were having. I was looking to build an academy of X-men, all with superpowers. Were we still X-men, each with our own unique abilities and heroic characteristics, or were we simply, average, frustrated chumps? (AFCs)
So much has happened recently, that it is hard to put everything into one post. However, I will try:
1. When things are going well, you need to be pushing your limits still…
…and have the running shoes still around your neck – those who have read “Who Moved My Cheese” will get my reference. I always thought I was pretty good at game. Lately, however, several incidents happened that made me doubt myself.
2. When you fall, how do you get up?
I actually do not want to write about this in detail, but over the past few weeks, a couple of AMOG events, couple of comments from my own female friends, some comments from other girl’s I’ve met – it was a reoccuring cycle of my reality breaking down. For example, I will think I am good looking and that gaming one of these girls is easy, and before I know it, the girl turns around and says, “Um, why are you talking to us?”. The other aspect of it is my own coming to realization that my mental image of myself does not match the reality of myself. This is hard to explain, but you know those nights where you wonder, “do I really have game?”. Perhaps this is just me, but I haven’t found myself in this position in a while. You question your loyalty to the game, and your faith in the religion. Alright. What to do now?
3. When in doubt, back to science.
How many lays have I had in the past year? numbers? escalation? I looked at my successes and failures in a quantitative perspective. Those who know me have noticed the improvement in my body language and style. The most interesting learning came from watching a recorded video of myself during a sales presentation at work – I realized that although my attire, style and overall confidence improved, there were still many holes in my presentation of my “Best self”. Don’t slouch. Voice projection and articulation. Slower movement. Head movement and eye gaze control and frequency. Escalation in voice and movement. All of these were really interesting learnings.
4. I started texting girls back and plough-ing.
Before, if I called 1-2 times I would give up. Now, I put them on rotation, even the less pretty ones and I see where I go with it. At the very least, it is good practice. Serum gave me good advice yesterday – use this as networking, just like a business. You don’t have to be romantically involved with every girl, you can build your social network and make friends.
5. Is it ok to be angry at women?
I think so, in some cases. I feel like “women” alone are not to blame – some “humans” or “people” are just mean individuals. And this applies to bitchy girls who think they are really hot because the male-to-female ratio is off in San Jose. Ironically, the meanest girls and hardest blow outs for me have always come from HB5-HB8s, usually the 9s and 10s are quite nice. I need to approach more 9s and 10s to find out for sure.
5. Back to basics
I have been working on natural game with direct openers, and honestly it just does not work for me. Back to the drawing board. I am in the process of seeking out wings who are better than me who can see me in action and help me realize my sticking points.
Do you ever get that feeling after losing a set or even a basketball game, you knew you messed up, but you are not sure what it was? This feeling is what motivates and drives us to find out what the real problem was. Likewise, sometimes when you have a great night, you shrug it off – it is equally important to realize what truly contributed to your success so that you do longer rely and “chance” and “luck” in your game.
6. The lack of success in f-closing can get to you.
It is frustrating. And to be very honest, my 40 days and 40 nights project isn’t helping. I don’t want to write negative posts, however I really want to honestly document what my mind if going through right now. I think that, usually when you go through a dark period in trying to improve yourself, the hardest times also push you the most in achieving great success. Either that, or it breaks you as you give up and move onto something else.