Here are my notes from Saturday, organized by the concepts presented. For a general review of the Alexander RSD hotseat, please visit PUA Lingo’s review post here.
Stay in set
Without staying in set you never know what your’e missing. Want to get good? Stay in. Alex shows us a video where it seems like the girl is testing him to no end and doesn’t give him ANYTHING verbally. Yet she physically is complying, and eventually the pull happens. You just never know.
Dissipate negative energy
This is a running theme – see each test as an endurance test and brush it off. Deflect negative energy. Alex seems to do this too much as I would have told the girl off, but he seems to see some goodness in people that the average person does not. That, or he’s so into the game that he wants to prove on footage that he can pick up 9s and 10s who happen to be super bitches.
This is important for same night pulls, and techniques to do this abound in his second video.
Just be with her at closing time – guard the door
“As creepy as this sounds, guarding the door is key – who she wants out of the club with is important and will play into who she goes home with. Even if you just walk her to a late meal or a cab, the number is more likely to be solid”
Approach girls while with other girls Read more
Back in 2007, we used to host talks from Juggler, Zan, and Badboy at the pick up 101 mansion in Chinatown. Those days are long over. Tobias arranged the talk today at the Renaissance hotel and Owen Cook showed up to give us a talk.
For those of you who don’t know who Owen is, here’s a link. His talk was intimate and he relayed some realism to the whole world of pick up. When I first walked in he was wearing sun glasses and seemed bit distant.
As the talk progressed, he got to interact with the audience more, and explained that he had a prescription for the glasses and wasn’t trying to “be cool”. He touched upon several important topics:
1. Putting common sense and reality into pick up. What do you have to offer the girl? If you’re a male model or movie star, obviously you have some advantage. As a guy who does cold approach pick up, you will have an advantage over average guys. Pick up is not a holy grail. Guys who are good or are getting laid get lazy – they don’t have a need to go out. Only a PUA instructor constantly goes out because he needs the practice to do his job. It is unreasonable to assume someone will keep going out after he can consistently get laid or has a lifestyle that gets him laid. Therefore the cold approach skill set – very few people are good at it. At the same time, the OGs who master this, if you put them out in the field, within 1-2 weeks they will regain everything they’ve learned in their motor response. Read more
Fallacies of the Seduction Community #4: The Rejection is too much and it constantly hurts my self image and bleeds into my self esteem!
If you want anything in life, you have to be thick skinned and be ok with rejection. If you want hot chicks, and don’t want to settle for anything, then you have to get over this phase.
The fallacy comes from the anchor and emotional decisions we assign to “social rejection”. A lot of it also has to do with how we define self esteem, and the pillars that govern how we think about ourselves and our actions. You can’t always control the outside world, but you can always control how you respond to certain things.
This is where the Seller vs. Buyer dynamic comes in. You are a cool guy studying game. You are actively trying to improve yourself. With minor exceptions, most hot girls spend too much time studying make up and hair styles, instead of building something great, or doing something intellectually constructive.
So, learn to put yourself out there, as you are, aware of the negative consequences, as well as the positive ones. Accept that EVERY time you do an approach, you are taking a risk. NO ONE knows what will happen. That’s the nature of reality. Now if a guru says 10/10 on EVERY approach, you may question that – the fact is no one can know, through cold approach, a person’s situation. Be comfortable with the “risk factor” of approaching strangers – that’s just part of the game.
Julien talks about not fitting into society’s bold, and the true buyer vs. seller dynamic:
I used to think hot girls are awesome, worth more than anything I have in my life. This of course stems from 23 years of being a virgin and focusing only on my studies and business. I was 20 at the time, worked a management consulting gig most grads would be envious of, and lived in a nicely rented apartment in the New York city area. But I couldn’t get girls at all. So, of course, over 23 years of social conditioning I believed the 9s and 10s and hot girls were THE most important thing in life that I could attain or “possess”.
Up until very recently, I still believed that a true 9 or 10 in terms of physical looks is still the most valuable thing and I couldn’t get this thought out of my head. It started to really bother me, and unconsciously I started looking for solutions to my problem or discover my thoughts in more depth. As I am writing this I am also dating this beautiful blonde, east coast graduate from an ivy league school and knowing her personally gives me a greater understanding that just because a girl went to a good school and that she looks great, it doesn’t mean she’s socially calibrated or super interesting to be around. In fact, it could very well be the opposite.
The fact is, most people (male and female) haven’t really accomplished anything significant in life. For a lot of “club hot girls”, she hasn’t accomplished anything in life other than being hot. Because, just by being so, she is rewarded by chode guys who will spend a lot of energy and time trying to get her. In truth, though, she secretly desires the Mr. Big (Sex And The City) – a guy who is strong enough to give her the sense of security and deep attraction she needs as a woman. Here are some of the 9s and 10s that I number closed but couldn’t fully close. I sent them in an email to my coach Fuji:
Watching RSD’s latest videos, and THEN going out, has helped me improve my game a lot. I’m getting consistent results now getting girls full closing. Still working on 9s and 10s.
For the LONGEST time – I always felt I’m “losing value! no!!” whenever I get rejected / interaction doesn’t go well. It was draining and takes the wind out of me. Harsh rejections make me make up my own excuses : fuck this focus on making money / fuck cold approach social circle is better… you guys know the deal.
I think I finally figured it out:
1. You go out, you put your real self out there
2. You control your own energy in a charismatic and empowering vibe
3. You see things realistically, recognize mistakes quickly, and correct them don’t dwell, just realize. Don’t amplify rejection or mistakes
4. See mistakes and rejection as they are – randomness. Have a laugh at extreme negative emotions of other people. If patterns occur, notice the patterns and calibrate and correct
5. Accept that you have no control over other people’s feelings. You can only control your cool vibe, add value to any environment, and let the chips fall where they may
Tyler on Intermediate pick up insights: