Update on Going Out

Nelson Mendela died today. He lived a long, good life. When we were in Cape town in 1996, dad took a detour and visited Johnannesburg too. I remember everyone talking about Mr. Mendela and the revolution that was happening under him. There was an excitement in the air that connected the social narrative, that real change was now possible. To think that one man made such a HUGE difference in a nation of over 51 million is astonishing.

Reading about his story I also realized that he, like Martin Luther King, like Mother Teresa, had flaws, but also did things for other people. There is a certain joy to helping others. He believed the true freedom cannot be reached if there are people in poverty, because in poverty no one can ever really escape life’s harsh realities. I see now that I have spent my last 10 years seeking “freedom with income and women”, while Mendela was a higher purpose, seeking freedom for all.

It also got me thinking about the reason for selfishness vs. selflessness. In a world that is sometimes hard to see clearly the morality of a situation, how does one like Mendela continue to hold onto hope and the best in people? In his words:

“No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.” —Long Walk to Freedom: The Autobiography of Nelson Mandela

I enjoy the flow of the game at night game, but I do get despair when I see the superficial aspects of women in clubs. They turn easily (from one guy to another, based purely on social value), they go home with strangers, people value alcohol and smokes and loud dance music over genuine conversation and a level of sophistication and class that seems to be sorely missed from Jay Gatsby’s days.

I have strayed from my original ways, learning game mechanically. Larry Page found Lucy based on his perception of her intelligence and gentle nature. I’m not going to find my counterpart going out to clubs, its just not likely that will happen. Instead, I should look towards avenues via social circles to expand my horizons. I am going to conclude my training with Psych at 6 sessions, and see if I can get a refund for the remaining 4 sessions. I hope Fuji is cool about this, we’ll see. I am improving my club game immensely. My speech is getting better, and so is my eye contact and body language. Mary said something important to me though – if I just show my vulnerable self, who I really am, women will fall for me. And if I can find a girl as good as her, who shares my values, then I will feel like I have accomplished what I had initially set out to do.

The mechanics of club game is an important skill, but ultimately I want to be a man of integrity and substance, that extend beyond the cold approach pick up of the club. I have made this decision tonight and will follow through on it.

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