Flow of the Game

November 23, 2007 by  
Filed under God of Style, Learn about Pickup

One of my book reports back in my management consulting days focused around the book “Flow” by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (MC) Flow, according to MC is the mental state of operation in which the person is fully immersed in what he or she is doing, characterized by a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and success in the process of the activity. Many other terms and idioms exist for this mental state: to be on the ball, in the zone, or in the groove.

MC identifies the following as accompanying an experience of flow:

1.Clear goals (expectations and rules are discernible and goals are attainable and align appropriately with one’s skill set and abilities).
2.Concentrating and focusing, a high degree of concentration on a limited field (a person engaged in the activity will have the opportunity to focus and to delve deeply into it).
3.A loss of the feeling of self-consciousness, the merging of action and awareness.
4.Distorted sense of time, one’s subjective experience of time is altered.
5.Direct and immediate feedback (successes and failures in the course of the activity are apparent, so that behavior can be adjusted as needed).
6.Balance between ability level and challenge (the activity is neither too easy nor too difficult).
7.A sense of personal control over the situation or activity.
8.The activity is intrinsically rewarding, so there is an effortlessness of action.
9.People become absorbed in their activity, and focus of awareness is narrowed down to the activity itself, action awareness merging (Csikszentmihalyi, 1975. p.72).

Note that not all are needed for flow to be experienced. The night I picked up my last HB8 girlfriend, as well as other nights in the city, mostly, I felt the feeling of flow. Your ego tends to subside, and you just flow with the energy of the location, the people, and the overall flow of the game. These are the best nights, because not only do you learn a lot, your skills are equal to the challenges you are facing in the club during the pickup. In a sense, you’ve seduced yourself, the nice club, and the people, both men and women. This is hard feat, but when you’re in “flow”, it is a great feeling. As an athlete, I realized what “flow” feels like back in 2004, when I did book report. I remember in basketball games, when I should 3 pointers and before the ball hit the rim, I knew the shot was going in. I could see my opponents making a move before they made it. (My nickname was “Beijing Bomber” on the high school basketball team).

So I encourage you to start small, maybe talking to a few strangers. Juggler took the 3 guys in his “Size doesn’t matter” show to a old ladies Bingo game. Mystery had his students in The Pickup Artist tell little girls stories. Start small, build you skills, and you eventually be in situation where you have the competent skills to pickup the girl you want in a club environment.

For Business or Love: Part 1 and 2

November 14, 2007 by  
Filed under God of Style, My Personal Life

I wrote a brilliant business plan a year ago during Memorial weekend. It sat in my “Entrepreneurship” folder on my desktop for a year. This year, around September, I negotiated a deal with a previous web design firm that we hired in my management consulting days to launch a new site. I am behind on this initiative.

Every time I sit down to write something, my mind wanders into pick up, and I end up going out with Gonzo to pick up girls and run game. We have been going out with a group of Charisma Arts alums. Reading Juggler’s Method (JM) has been a great addition, although I personally find the lack of methodology a weak point for me, as I usually follows a routine a well scripted guideline when I go out. Gonzo’s game is much more casual and natural than mine.

Possible Solution
I don’t have a solution yet, but I would like to document the problem in this post. My mind tells me I should focus on building wealth, but my heart (and other body part) urges me to continue on this road of mastering pick up. Yusha P, my good Swedish PUA friend is also running into this problem. There comes a time when a man must make a decision to sacrifice short term entertainment for long term gain.

After some thought, I thought the Google model might work. “Build the platform”. If I can start a business/website that has reoccurring traffic and is generating some revenue, the element of TIME will only be an addition to my wealth. This is a similar concept to owning real estate. Wealth grows. I have confidence that I can do this, having graduated from the best business school in the world for entrepreneurship.

On the other side of the coin, my PU skills have lagged since my “San Francisco Apartment by the Bridge SOMA” days. I went out last Saturday, and I had AA opening! I ended the night talking to a HB9.5 for 30 minutes, and I negged too hard. On closing, I asked her why she would not give me her number, hoping at least for some feedback despite the fact that I had this super hot girl in my sight but bombed the set. She said she was actually a nice girl and that I was too mean. I don’t have a platform for PU. In other words, it has been almost 9 months since I moved to Sunnyvale, CA and I don’t have a social circle built where I can have girls for regular sex. This is not a “incremental platform” and if no action is taken, I am going to be worse off alone.

So I sit here, in front my my computer. Wondering. Do I pursue my business plan, focus on that, and develop a sustainable income stream over the next few months? Do I spend my weekends going out and mastering PU? I am leaning towards mastering PU. My reasoning is this – it is unhealthy for a peaking 24 year old to remain sex-less. It is actually affecting my mentality. Ideally, I’d like to do both. Today, Tom Perkins came to give a talk at work. I asked him afterward, “A friend from business school recently give me this piece of advice: ‘you can lose a lot of money chasing girls, but you will never lose the girls chasing money. What is your take on his advice?”. I got a laugh from him, and his response was, “well, I do have a long list of resumes for the Mrs. Perkins position. I suppose being a VC and Writer is a good combination”.

Going Deeper on Money vs. Sex
I started thinking about what wealth and love really means. Mystery has noted Wealth, Health and Money. I am a healthy 24 year old. I have nice style. For those of us in business and entrepreneurship, hopefully we understand that Money is merely an instrument of exchange. It is a tool that reflects what we are willing to trade, or, if you really dig deeper, our true desires. Money in and of itself is useless. It is money’s ability to purchase other things of value to you that is its essence.

Sex is more simple – it is that animal urge to spread your genes. But wait, relationships are important too. As Zan said, it is about connecting with people. In his recent talk at UC Berkley, one of the PUAs noted that Zan said today, we don’t bond at campfire anymore. Instead, people sit on the couch alone and watch TV. We have created a culture that craves companionship. I think this is so true. So yes, I want regular sex, but more importantly, I want to connect with one of the most beautiful things that God has created in this realm – that of a beautiful (both mind and body) woman.

My Goal for Myself
My goal is to develop the skill set to get consistent lays. I also want to launch my new site and business by end of year. I will report back on my progress…

The Dilemma